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romance slump.
My husband is great, and I love him, but we have not had sex in five months. We have not even been married for 2 years, and I do not like kissing him or even skin on skin contact freaks me out, so if touching feet in bed makes me irritated, sex is definitely out of the question.
About 8 months ago he cheated on me, and I like to blame my feelings on that, but things were rough even before then. I think it is because he is pretty selfish in bed. It is all about him, and then...done. I have confronted him about this, and although he says he gets what I'm saying, nothing changed time after time, so finally I just stopped. Now I can't imagine enjoying being intimate with him again. I have always loved sex, and always had it many times a week with boyfriends previous to him.
I know this sounds like we have an awful relationship, but we really don't fight often, and we worked through his cheating and I trust him again, but we are just roommates. We laugh together and have a great time, but I can't bring myself to enjoy anything physical. Help me!
Re: romance slump.
I am confused so maybe you can help me out
I do not like kissing him or even skin on skin contact freaks me out, so if touching feet in bed makes me irritated, sex is definitely out of the question. So you don't like to be touched at all?
I have always loved sex, and always had it many times a week with boyfriends previous to him. But this seems to be the opposite of what you said above.
I know this sounds like we have an awful relationship, but we really don't fight often, and we worked through his cheating and I trust him again, but we are just roommates. We laugh together and have a great time, but I can't bring myself to enjoy anything physical. Help me! It sounds like you need to really need to talk to a therapist to work thorough your issues...and btw not fighting just means that maybe you don't care enough to fight (that happened to my parents before thier divorce)
Do you really want me to tear this thing apart? Really? 3. . . 2. . . 1. . .
My husband is great, and I love him, but we have not had sex in five months.
As soon as you started off your post with this I thought, "Here we go, she is not going to tell us the whole picture." The truth is you are really questioning your love for him. I am going to ask you this. . . why did you get married?
We have not even been married for 2 years, and I do not like kissing him or even skin on skin contact freaks me out, so if touching feet in bed makes me irritated, sex is definitely out of the question.
How long have you been married? Could not have been long. Answer this question again, Why did you get married? (really, not the bs answer either.)
About 8 months ago he cheated on me, and I like to blame my feelings on that, but things were rough even before then.
Why discuss the cheating if it was rough before that? Do you think he is cheating on you still? Do you think he is a selfish prick and that is why you are not inclined to sleep with him? Do you still see him with that woman? (or man)I think part of you actually do blame it on that and the fact that he was selfish in the first place. Again, WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM?
I think it is because he is pretty selfish in bed. It is all about him, and then...done. I have confronted him about this, and although he says he gets what I'm saying, nothing changed time after time, so finally I just stopped. Now I can't imagine enjoying being intimate with him again.
That is most likely it. My first (in the sack) was extremely selfish. . . but he also had another woman and was playing me like a fool. I left him and got counseling and built up to having better sex and now with MH I see him and want to tear his clothes off. That is how you should be as a newlywed. Not wallowing in anger for someway that he is normally. Again, Why did YOU marry HIM?
I know this sounds like we have an awful relationship, but we really don't fight often, and we worked through his cheating and I trust him again, but we are just roommates. We laugh together and have a great time, but I can't bring myself to enjoy anything physical.
Uh. . . it does. You do not fight with him because you are both most likely in denial. Denial that your marriage is in some problems. Are you really sure you trust him? If so, you would not have mentioned the cheating in the first place. You know how easy it is to have just had him as a roommate and only friends and NOT married him because it sounds like the problems began BEFORE the marriage occurred. This is not the only guy you have been with so I can not blame it on being naive.
So, here is the biggest piece of advice that I can give you at this point. . .
SEEK COUNSELING AND SEEK IT FAST!!!
Don't walk. . .run to a counselor and get some help if you really want to save this marriage because I do not want you to think that not having sex is okay. It is the glue that keeps the marriage together. God created it within marriage for a reason. Why is is that women tend to make the best bkfast, lunch and dinner for their spouses after a hot all night sex session? Because we just had our minds blown and have to show appreciation. You two are one and you are still two different people and if you can not disagree, argue or whatever you are in deep trouble. So get counseling before he comes home with another woman because best believe that is what is going to happen!
This problem is just with him and I... I'm just saying that I've never experienced this feeling before where I just don't want any romantic contact.
I'm not saying we don't fight at all, but it's just not the really bad relationship I always though someone had to have in order to not have sex for 5 months.
I'm just so confused. He is the one that is putting everything into the relationship right now, but the one thing he won't do is go to counseling. He asked about marriage therapy right after he cheated, but every time since when I have brought it up he says he doesn't want to anymore. But he tells me he loves me all the time, does the dishes, makes the bed, says I'm beautiful...
I'm just at a loss at what to do or how to make him see a therapist with me... or should I go alone since I'm the one with an issue?
Uh. . . he needs to go. Him being sexually selfish is enough alone to go. Might need to tell him how you feel and let him know that you do NOT wish to sit here and find him less and less sexually attracted as time goes on because of it. Again, you are newlyweds. I am assuming you have no children so you should be having some kitchen- counter top sex.
He needs to know this and if he is all about making you happy as well as himself . . .he would go! Men hate going to counseling and I have not yet figured out why but I guess they feel like it is no one else's business but yours but look how wonderfully you two are dealing with this issue! So, let him know!
Is it possible you may have fibromylagia?
Outside of that, wow -- haven't you guys heard of communication? YOu and he need to communicate about sex, about money, about every issue that is prevalent. You can't let these things go.
And why in the world are you still with this guy? Once a cheater, always a cheater; you should have shown him the door when you found out he had an affair. And then filed for divorce.
Maybe your issue is related to his cheating, maybe you've emotionally checked out, maybe you have a clinical condition like fibromylagia, maybe you just never were attracted to him. Maybe any, some or all of these issue apply.
I'm just so confused. He is the one that is putting everything into the relationship right now, but the one thing he won't do is go to counseling. He asked about marriage therapy right after he cheated, but every time since when I have brought it up he says he doesn't want to anymore. But he tells me he loves me all the time, does the dishes, makes the bed, says I'm beautiful...
If he will not go to counseling, he may have emotionally checked out of the marriage.
What's important here: YOU decide which way you want to go on this. And if he is refusing counseling, sorry -- he's not putting one degree of effort into fixing this relationship.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You say you've gotten over his cheating, but subconciously you probably haven't. That aside, have you told him that you feel he is selfish in bed? It's nice that he's doing dishes/telling you you're beautiful, but if he refuses counseling, he's basically saying he doesn't care about the relationship enough to do such a simple thing. Can I ask why he's so against it? Also, just because you don't fight a lot doesn't mean that your relationship is fine...it's obviously not. I hope you find a solution soon!
This is grasping for straws here, but could it be possible you've gone on any medications/birth control recently that has given you an aversion to intimacy?