Poll, since it's slow

Re: Poll, since it's slow

• Marick

  February 2011

  DH and I disagree on this one, which should make parenting quite an adventure when we are ready.  I'm a big believer in positive reinforcement, but not negative reinforcement.  And I believe that a lot is learned through social interactions, which her kids lacked.  I'm sure I will be humbled in parenting though
  

  ~Margaret (and Nick)~
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• waltzingmatilda13 member

  

  February 2011

  She's way too harsh and doesn't realize the damage she's inflicting on her kids in their most formidable years. I read this article on CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/20/lac.su.tiger.mother.scars/index.html?iref=allsearch) right after hearing about Chua and it confirmed every fear I had for her children.

  I know growing up that sometimes the best praise I could get from my parents was hearing that they were proud of me, for a test score or a musical performance or what have you. To never hear that at all growing up would have been devastating to me. It's also why I think the worst insult a parent can give is that they are disappointed in you, not mad, but disappointed.

  And I think kids need to be kids and go outside and play. If I wasn't outside during the warmer months running around the neighborhood with my friends (assuming all my school work was done) then I was basically in trouble, in a "what are you doing in the house, go outside now" kind of trouble. I am also a very creative person and I think the mom is squashing all the creative juices out of her kids and that makes me hurt for them.
  

  
  

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• danies08

  February 2011

  I had rather strict parents, but they were strict about the right things most of the time. Such as curfew, no calls after 10 pm, no snacking after 4 pm because you would ruin your meal, no shorts to school unless it is atleast 45 degrees in the morning (haha, no joke!), but they also made sure they showed my sisters and I that we are loved. I think the brain games damage a child WAY more than a spanking ever did! My friend and I disagree on this topic too, but she is the way too not strict kind. She always talks about how she and her siblings never once got spanked, or had to have jobs growing up, or anything like that. Trust me, it kind of shows on them today (switching jobs a lot, the two girls have gotten into a lot of car accidents, and partied way too much...and that takes a lot if I am saying it). I think there is a difinitive line there. My personal beliefs, a spank every once in a while does wonders. If you do it too much, it has no effect. And, I completely disagree with anyone using anything other than a hand to spank a kid, or hitting them anywhere but their bottom. If your hand can't spank their butt enough to "scare" them straight, then anything further is too much. I am fine with timeouts, but some moms have their kids pretty much in time out all day, because the kids aren't learning any lessons, and shaming them the way this mom does causes long term damage!

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• ncsu4ganne

  February 2011

  danies08:

  I had rather strict parents, but they were strict about the right things most of the time. Such as curfew, no calls after 10 pm, no snacking after 4 pm because you would ruin your meal, no shorts to school unless it is atleast 45 degrees in the morning (haha, no joke!), but they also made sure they showed my sisters and I that we are loved. I think the brain games damage a child WAY more than a spanking ever did! My friend and I disagree on this topic too, but she is the way too not strict kind. She always talks about how she and her siblings never once got spanked, or had to have jobs growing up, or anything like that. Trust me, it kind of shows on them today (switching jobs a lot, the two girls have gotten into a lot of car accidents, and partied way too much...and that takes a lot if I am saying it). I think there is a difinitive line there. My personal beliefs, a spank every once in a while does wonders. If you do it too much, it has no effect. And, I completely disagree with anyone using anything other than a hand to spank a kid, or hitting them anywhere but their bottom. If your hand can't spank their butt enough to "scare" them straight, then anything further is too much. I am fine with timeouts, but some moms have their kids pretty much in time out all day, because the kids aren't learning any lessons, and shaming them the way this mom does causes long term damage!

  This. Exactly.

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• festivegal2008 member

  

  February 2011

  ncsu4ganne:

  danies08:

  I had rather strict parents, but they were strict about the right things most of the time. Such as curfew, no calls after 10 pm, no snacking after 4 pm because you would ruin your meal, no shorts to school unless it is atleast 45 degrees in the morning (haha, no joke!), but they also made sure they showed my sisters and I that we are loved. I think the brain games damage a child WAY more than a spanking ever did! My friend and I disagree on this topic too, but she is the way too not strict kind. She always talks about how she and her siblings never once got spanked, or had to have jobs growing up, or anything like that. Trust me, it kind of shows on them today (switching jobs a lot, the two girls have gotten into a lot of car accidents, and partied way too much...and that takes a lot if I am saying it). I think there is a difinitive line there. My personal beliefs, a spank every once in a while does wonders. If you do it too much, it has no effect. And, I completely disagree with anyone using anything other than a hand to spank a kid, or hitting them anywhere but their bottom. If your hand can't spank their butt enough to "scare" them straight, then anything further is too much. I am fine with timeouts, but some moms have their kids pretty much in time out all day, because the kids aren't learning any lessons, and shaming them the way this mom does causes long term damage!

  This. Exactly.

   

  You couldn't have said this better.  My folks were hte same way - well my mom, since she was the disciplinarian and home with us all the time.  The only time my dad really had to punish or discipline us was when we were exceptionally bad - and luckily it was seldom.  It broke our hearts to be punished by dad because we weren't used to it with him - he was hte gentle one!  My mom ruled our house with an iron fist but she was also very loving and we were close all throughout childhood and adult years.  She never played "brain games" or gave negative reinforcement.  Grounding happened once in a blue moon, like if we got bad grades.  Spanking happened if we didn't come in when they called us to, or in our little kid years if we went in the street, or if Angie and I physically fought (which hardly EVER happened; for the most part my sister and I got along quite well).  We got soap in our mouth if we talked back or rolled our eyes. 

  I look back now and think how good of a job my mom did with us and all those times I'd call her "mean," well, now I'm glad she did what she did.  Angie and I both turned out good.  We did well in school, we didn't end up in prison or on drugs or smoking/drinking etc. at 13.  I thank her for that!

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