Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
marring your soulmate..
is there a such thing as love at first sight? i fell in love with my fiance the minute i met him i new he was the one i was gonna marry..has any one else every done the same?
Re: marring your soulmate..
Agree with this completely. Love is something developed over time.
Exactly. Sometimes the lust becomes love and we are never fully aware of the transition. Then we say, "I loved them from the day I met them" or "I always knew they were the one." It's always lust in the begining though. It's like (just an example) when someone who is in a relationship and they meet someone else. Sometimes you hear them claim that they met their true soulmate and that their current partner never really was their soulmate. People can get themself pretty conviced that it is the real deal with this new person. They forget the they usually felt the exact same way about their current partner and have just forgotten now that the lust has faded. Love is a choice. I would say it is one of the most beautiful choices you can make. Lust is intoxication. Once you are not under the spell of lust, then you can make a free willed choice to love. Lust makes us feel like we can't live without a person. Choosing to love makes us just not want to live with out someone. There is a big difference.
I think this is a really dangerous concept.
If you felt like, at first sight, that he was 'the one,' then what do you do when he starts being a jerk, or you discover you're not compatible on a more cerebral level? do you stay because he's 'the one,' and you're so 'in love'? Do you dismantle your romantic belief system? Do you shatter your heart into thousands of pieces because 'the one' fantasy covered up the reality that things weren't working out?
I think this 'the one' concept is the reason a lot of people stay in bad relationships.
That's not to say I'm not happy for the 1 in a million chance that it turns out that that is the case (good for you!); but most of the time people say things like that they are either being delusional or it's entirely revisionist history.
Another problem with this concept is that it takes out the anticipation of work in a relationship. If you believe you're with 'your soulmate' shouldn't every day be a picnic? shouldn't every sexual intimacy be earth shattering? It's not, it won't be, it SHOULDN'T be. Marriage, or other long-term relationships are work, and the learning and growing together is one of the greatest pleasures afforded in that partnering.
A marriage does not live on feelings alone, you need more things (perhaps a lot more) to keep a relationship mutually satisfying in the long term.
I don't know, I doubt the OP or anyone who could use this information are even still watching this thread, but there's my two cents.
And for the record, yes, I have experienced that heady feeling of 'at first sight' and it was amazing, and I don't regret for a moment feeling it. But it is not proof that you should be with someone, it's just a pleasant feeling; enjoy it, and then analyze the relationship on other merits.
Chandler Bing
"Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, history's full of 'em. Betamax... Waterworld... your brother who's 16 years younger than you... And there's really no shame in making mistakes. Just as long as nobody knows about them."
Greg the Bunny
that's wonderful.
you do know there is a difference between "knew" and "new"...right?
You're talking in circles here.
Dating someone for 5 months before you realize you love him =/= love at first sight.
FWIW, I don't believe in soulmates. Maybe when I was 16 I did, but I'm 38 and have been around too long to buy that fairy tale anymore. Believe me, I was sure I met my soulmate at 17, then again at 19, 22, 25, and then finally at 28 when I met my husband.
It's perfectly ok to be heart-stoppingly in love with your mate and want to be with them forever and ever and ever. But lasting, sustaining love *is* a choice, and is no fairy tale. It takes work and dedication to make it last beyond that first year.
ps...past tense of know is "knew."
Hey, I know a couple that got married after 2 wks of dating but it was in the '60s. When I first met MH I thought there were many more hot guys to date and he was a nice way to start. I had NO clue I was going to marry him. Five years later we are married and I could not be happier. I think for him he knew that I was going to be his wife but you asked me four years ago and I would have said no.
Did I marry my soul mate? He thinks so but if only having eyes for him means a soul mate then count me in. . .but it took me a lot longer to see it than it took for him.
I don't like the term "soul mate". It seems to me that it usually gets broken out when things are bumpy- "Things aren't great now, but I can't leave him, he's my soul mate!"
I've had the "soul mate" thing thrown at me before, but it seems like a cop-out. As if you'll never have to do any hard work because you've found your soul mate.
It seems to me you'd realize that someone is your soul mate looking back on the relationship, and knowing it's a success rather than looking forward on it.
After I met DH I refused to go on a date with him for 18 months. I knew that if we did he'd by the last man I had ever dated.
After we dated, once, we knew. We still waited 6 years to get married, but we knew.
I met my husband at a mutual friends birthday party the day after I moved 320 miles. We were an instant couple, he proposed less than a year later and we will celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary in June. I can tell you this much, it was not lust at first sight, it was way different than that. He would agree, he felt it too.
So I do believe in love at first sight, and I am so happy for you!
Married to my best friend 6/5/10
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12.