Sex & Romance
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faked being sick to get out of sex...

I'm pretty sure my SO just faked being sick to get out of having sex with me. I think I have just felt a new low. I had a big super bowl party at my apt for HIS friends because he is a huge football fan and I love being a hostess. The party was a big success, I think everyone had a really great time. I put in a lot of effort, cooked, baked and ordered food for the event. I've had my period all week so we haven't had sex since last Monday. I was really looking forward to tonight after everyone left, for him and I to have some alone time. 

As soon as everyone left he was like do you mind if I lay down? He has work in the morning, I get it, he's tired. So I was like yea sure I mean I was hoping you would 'sex me up' tonight but its cool, totally joking around. So I just started to clean up and stuff. I went downstairs to throw out the trash and when I came back up he was leaning over the toilet saying he threw up. Now I was only gone for 5 minutes, not even... but he claims to have managed to throw up, clean himself up and brush his teeth before I got back. He is not a very good liar. I know he was lying to me. I just don't understand why he felt the need to lie about being sick. He didn't even drink during the game. 

I feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like I always want sex more then him. I want to feel like he wants me all the time. Even when we do have sex I feel like he is doing it because he feels obligated to. This just really sucks and I needed to vent because I was finally feeling like he wanted me and it wasn't just me wanting it all the time and now I feel like *** that he faked being sick to get out of it tonight. I've (I hate to admit it) faked being sick with exs to get out of it before, I know what it looks like. I know how I am and its going to take me awhile to get over this. I feel pathetic :( 

Re: faked being sick to get out of sex...

  • Do you feel like it would be too epic to talk to him about it? Like bring it up at a good time where he might feel okay having a serious conversation?

    What is most concerning to me is not that he faked sick to avoid sex, it's that he felt that he had to fake sick rather than talk about what his problem is. Obviously it's something that is a big enough deal to him to warrant something as dramatic as pretending to puke. Or maybe he felt like it would hurt your feelings less if that excuse were present rather than "Honey, I'm just not in the mood tonight."

    I'm sure you've thought of lots of possibilities of what it could mean. All you can do is get a good night's sleep if you can, and start fresh tomorrow. Hopefully he feels like he is starting fresh too and you can have a meaningful conversation together. Good luck! 

  • Are you sure he wasnt really sick? He did ask if you minded him lying down while you cleaned up the entire mess made by him and his friends. Maybe he really wasnt feeling well.

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  • what else is going on the relationship? if he has been bailing on having sex with you prior to this i can't help but feel there is probably much more to the story. other issues going on, etc.
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  • The worst thing you can do is put blame on yourself. The next time you see him, ask him to sit down and talk to you. The best person to validate your feelings is him. If you still feel like he is lying to you, you have much bigger problems.
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  • women usually fake a headache to get out of sex! I have been 'let down' by my DH b4 wen i wanted sex, i just understood and went to bed. there will be other opp to get sum! and he usually understands wen i dont want it.

     I think u shld speak to ur DH bout it though. and find out if he was REALLY faking being sick. 

    Best of luck! 

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  • If he was faking being sick, that's a real b!tch moved he pulled on you.

    What's more worrying is the lying. If he just wasn't in the mood, he could've easily just said that. Is this how he's going to handle things he's trying to avoid, by lying? It may sound ridiculous, but it's really not a far reach to wonder in what other scenarios he'd lie to get out of.

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  • Thanks ladies for the feedback/advice. I talked to him during the day yesterday and told him that I felt like he way lying and I didn't understand why he would feel the need to lie about something like that. He swore to me that he wasn't. I really have no proof that he was lying and I really don't have any reason to not believe him, he has never lied before. I decided I had to let this one go. I couldn't help but still feel bad about the situation though.

    After work we had to go out to dinner for a friends bday. It was slightly awkward putting on a happy face in front of all our friends when I was still a little angry with him. He works for the corporate office of a popular shoe brand and often gets free samples of shoes/bags. He brought me a new bag, I'm guessing as a peace offering. I didn't know if I thought it was sweet or was pissed off that he thinks he can make things all better by giving me gifts... although I did love the bag. hehe

    When we got home he immediately started putting the moves on me but I was totally not in the mood after feeling so bad about the night before. Plus I didn't want to feel like he was just doing it because he felt like he had to. I was acting very resistant and kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He got me to the point where I was definitely asking for it. It actually turned out to be one of the hottest sessions we have ever had. I saw this new commanding side of him that I very much liked. 

    The more important part was that after that we had a very long talk about everything that was on my mind and his. We were up until about 2 just talking, its been a very long time since we stayed up late just talking. We opened up to each other in lots of new ways. I got a text from him this morning saying how happy he was that we had that talk and how he feels even better about us then ever. So I guess everything worked out. The answer always seems to be to just talk about things. I can be very stubborn and stay angry without ever talking about whats bothering me. This was the downfall of a past relationship. I'm really working on talking about what is bothering me. So far it seems to be working out. Hopefully I'll keep it up! Thanks again for listening and sharing your advice! 

  • Glad everything worked out for you.
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