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Kathy and other conflict resolutioners...
I might have mentioned it on here before, but I am the Chair of the Advisory Board for my sorority at the University I went to. It's a pretty large chapter (130+ women) and they are a very competitive, successful bunch.
The current chapter president is a very out-going, no non-sense, self-motivated, campus involved, hard-working individual who has little time for excuses.
This weekend, two separate individuals called me and asked that I please talk to her because she is on a "power trip" and is making them all miserable.
I am HORRIBLE at one-on-one conflict resolution. I never know what to say because I, myself, have little time for excuses. The president doesn't handle criticism well and kind of shuts down and feels picked on. I know she's doing what she thinks is best and she's not meaning to be on a power trip, but how should I approach her?
Ideas? TIA!
Re: Kathy and other conflict resolutioners...
Off the top of my head... here's how i'd be approaching it:
So, the first thing I'd recommend is to make sure you have good information from the people providing feedback that they're expressing:
1) What is the behavior they're experiencing that is causing the concern? ("is on a power trip" is not helpful. that's a judgment and a label, not behaviors)
2) what is the impact of that behavior on individuals or the team at large?
3) What may happen if the behavior doesn't change?
From there, you can take that information into a conversation with the person, in a model similar to this:
1) Everyone here knows just how much you love this organization and how committed you are to it. We also all know you'd never intentionally do anything that would get in the way of all of us being successful. Because of that, I think there are a few things that we can look at that have happened lately, and see if there are other ways of approaching the situations like them in the future. You and I know there are at least 2 sides to every story, and I wanted to give you an opportunity to hear about how some events lately have been perceived by others. Are you open to having a conversation about this?
(Then you can walk through behaviors/impacts/risks as discussed above).
2) I am sure that the behaviors of others drives you nuts sometimes, too, and so your reactions are probably in line with that. I would guess that some of these actions are in directly related to how much work you feel you need to do, whether or not you feel appreciated, etc. We all know that everyone's involvement here, as volunteers, comes on their own terms. Some people, we get A+ performances every time. Sometimes, we get C- performances every time. If we're able to figure out what our leadership needs to start doing -- or stop doing -- in order to get the best performances out of everyone, we'll all benefit!
Hope this helps -- happy to talk more off line if you want..
Ok seriously, you are REALLY good at what you do.
All of what you put was great and I think that approach will definitely work with her. She's a good kid, just kind of sensitive, especially because she's not trying to be maliciously authoritative. She's not very tactful when she's trying to explain things sometimes so I think that's part of the problem.
Thanks again!! This is really helpful! I'm meeting with her Thursday night so I'll let you know how it goes!
Thanks!
I think an important "skill" in the middle of the conversation is to keep focused on what SHE can control.
If she goes on with... "well SHE does this and this and this...." you should continue to refocus on, "While that may be true, we need to focus on what we can control in ourselves. She may do xxx, but *you* are in charge of what your reaction is... "
Keep it focused, get the conversation back to her, not everyone else. You can always encourage a conversation between her and anyone else who she views has having problem behavior... in the same model as this one here.