Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Problems geting to the O
Ok I am not really sure who else to talk to about this problem. H and I have been married for a little over a month but have been sexually active for over a year. I have never been able to have an orgasm with him and it is so frustrating. At first I thought I was self conscious but now Im not sure. My H is very supportive and is patient and works so hard (and long!) I have tried stimulating myself, I have tried helping him get the motion down, I have tried different positions. I recently tried stimulating myself to almost orgasm and letting him take over but no dice! It feels almost like I am getting numb down there with all the stimulation. The only thing I havent tried is a vibrator but I am not sure it would work bc of the aformentioned numb feeling. I am able to simulate myself to orgasm but not with my husband. I know that he is feeling bad and he is willing to do anything. I just can get over the hump so to speak. Any advise? Could it be my birth control (Nuvoring)? We are both frustrated and I would appriciate any advise.
Re: Problems geting to the O
When you masturbate, what is your mental stimulation? Is there a favorite fantasy, porn scene? Have you ever had another lover who was able to get you to orgasm?
First off, remember that most women do not achieve orgasms from vaginal penetration alone. And when I say most, I mean 85-90%. So don't try to fit into the Hollywood image of sex with simultaneous orgasms and fireworks going off every time. Rarely happens.
Since you have had an orgasm and can't seem to get there with DH, I say it is time to take the pressure off. At this point, you guys are trying so hard, you are psyching yourself out of it. Try taking the focus off of *him* giving you the orgasm. If you can masturbate yourself to orgasm with him in the bed, consider it a win! Let him lick your nipples, stroke your thighs, thrust his fingers in and our of your vagina, tell you how hot you look --whatever will help you get over the cliff. Have him look into your eyes so that you really imprint the message "Orgasm = DH" on your brain. Don't think of an orgasm produced by your own finger as less worthwhile than one given by his. As long as orgasms are being had by all, there is no down side.
When I had my first lover, I was totally in your shoes. We had been having sex for a year before I had an orgasm. I had recently read an article about Kegel muscles, so I decided to tighten myself up as we were having intercourse. We had been having the worst sex ever (he was really bad in bed) and I just wanted it to be over, so I clenched up and after another minute or two of pounding, I suddenly started to feel really good. I wasn't providing any other stimulation to myself. I just thought if I was snugger, he would finish faster. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an orgasm hit me. I wasn't expecting it -- in fact I had never had a conscious orgasm in my life up to that point.
So my advice: 1.) have orgasms with him in the bed with you to connect it all together, 2.) try tightening your Kegel muscles during penetration for extra stimulation for both of you, 3.) take orgasms off the sex to do list and just play with each other's bodies.
P.S. I am not advising vibrators because if your clitoris is getting numb after digital masturbation, you are likely to get really numb from the mechanical motion of a vibrator. I would give other stuff a try before I moved to vibrators.
ETA: I went back and read your post again. Edited to remove useless info.
i just read daring miss's response to you, and i have to say that is one of the best replies i've read. kudos on all counts.
my only minor addition would be to eventually include your husband in your masturbation of yourself. start by masturbating yourself in front of him, but gradually place your fingers over his as you bring yourself to orgasm.
there are also creams available on the market that help with stimulation. some of them can be numbing, others work really well. there's no rhyme or reason for why one works on one body chemistry type and not on another, so you might get a few to try. i have a lot of luck when my partner massages these creams directly on my clitoris.
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