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Please Help What Would You DO??? LONG! :(
This is not MUD, if you can read it all God Bless YOU!
I posted a little while back about whether or not I should see my niece and nephew. However, not seeing my nephew was not an option. Why??? Because my nephew is staying at my Grandparents house for the next month. Since my DH and I handle the majority of my Grandparents personal affairs, we have to go over there two to three times a week. Yesterday my Grandma called me for my nephew. He wanted my DH and I to come over. Plus I had to talk to my Grandpa and he had some things he needed me to read and get his financial records ready so he could have his taxes done. Let me get to the point, while we were at my G-Parents house my DH notice that my nephew had a huge scar on his face right between his eyes. He asked my DN (Darling Nephew) how it happened. DN says the monster did it. So, I asked who is the monster, he said you know the monster. So we dropped it. Let?s be clear this is not the first time DN has had marks on his body.
Then DN asked my hubby to take him on the porch to see the snow. They go out on the porch and DN says Uncle John please do not throw me in the snow. Which makes me think someone is throwing him in the snow at his house. DN later asks DH and myself if he can come to our house. I asked him was he ready to go back home. He said no I do not want to go Mommy?s house. I asked him if he had a house, he said no I do not have a house. I just want to go to your house. I do not know what to do, I am in tears writing this because I am so hurt.
I was watching Oprah yesterday, and they had twins on there that was being abused. The neighbor said all the signs were there, but she missed them. Like for example she said that the kids never wanted to go home seem scared to go home. I told my sister before that DN was scared to go home, but she said she would take care of it. I doubt that happen. A former church member told us when my DN was a year old his step-dad (my sister?s H) throw my nephew on the couch, from across the room. My mom, dad, DH, and I have called DCFS and nothing.
What am I suppose to do??? I want be able to forgive myself if I miss all the signs and something bad happens to DN. What am I suppose to do if the system fails him???
How can I get the system to listen to me??? To make matters worse my sister?s H threatened my 87 year old Grandfather and hung up on him. I am so pissed about that but that is whole different issue. If you made this far thank you.
Re: Please Help What Would You DO??? LONG! :(
I would call DYFS again.
Or, if you dont want to (b/c you dont want your grandma to get in trouble with your sister's H, or b/c you are afraid you won't be taken seriously), maybe you can schedule a conference with his teacher or school guidence counselor? In many states they are obligted to report any signs of abuse. Ditto a doctor - could your bring DN to a doctor to make sure the scar is ok, will heal, etc?
What kind of mother would leave her son for a month? Maybe your grandma/grandpa can offer to at least take DN until the end of the school year.
When I talked to my sister she said nothing she was like I will keep an eye on it. I think she knows what her H does, but is scared to say anything.
When she and H were living with us I would tell her that her H treated DN different. (DN is not her H's child). I would come home from work and DN would be in timeout for hours. I told her if she did not say something I would. She said she would but the same thing would happen again I would hear her H screaming at him and pushing him in to time out. I said something to him, he was like no. That is not true.
I would call DYFS again.
We plan on it.
Or, if you dont want to (b/c you dont want your grandma to get in trouble with your sister's H, or b/c you are afraid you won't be taken seriously), maybe you can schedule a conference with his teacher or school guidence counselor? In many states they are obligted to report any signs of abuse. Ditto a doctor - could your bring DN to a doctor to make sure the scar is ok, will heal, etc?
I am afraid that they will not take the issue serious. He does not go to school he is three. He should be in preschool, but he is not. I was thinking of taking him to a doctor or making an appointment with DCFS so one of there counselors could talk to him. A non biasis third party. I was thinking of also talking him to the doctor, just want some solid proof, so then there will not be any he/she say or any chance that they will not take the matter serious.
What kind of mother would leave her son for a month? Maybe your grandma/grandpa can offer to at least take DN until the end of the school year.
My grandparents felt something was going on, so they beg my sister to let him stay with them. My DN is so scared to go home. We had him for over a month once and when we drop him off, his older sister asked him what is wrong. My DH over heard him saying that he did not want to stay, he wanted to go back to TeTe's house. No child should be scared to go home. That is suppose to be a safe place and he does not feel space. My Grandpa mention when he got to there house he slept all day and night. He was not sick or anything he was that tired.
Keep calling DCFS until someone listens. With the kids, take pictures, write down dates and times, do everything you can to document what's happening.
If it helps, my DH and I have a very, very close relationship with my niece. She sleeps at our house, has her own room, we're the Godparents, etc. My sister and her husband are good parents, but if my niece was being abused or neglected, you can bet money on the fact that I'd get involved real quick. I can live with severing my relationship with my sister if it means I'm putting the safety of a child first.
I'm so sorry, this is breaking my heart to think about a 3 year old child being thrown in the snow and beaten up on. What's wrong with people? And how old is your niece? Is this her little brother that's being hurt? Does she notice anything being done to him?
I ditto eveyrone else about calling Child Protective Services until they listen to you and take your concerns seriously. Are your parents in the picture? Have you discussed any of this with them?
Thank you all, Yes my parents do know they called DCFS, both of them. I have called and DH has called. My MIL said she will call too. I talked to her and she is a Social Worker which makes her a mandated reported. I hope they take this serious since it is coming from a professional. Yes, it breaks my heart. I named my nephew and my niece. I have been there since day one. Buying pampers, shoes, clothes, and paying for things when my sister and her H did not have a dime.
I will not stop trying until something positive happens. I understand my sister maybe scared but these are her kids. My niece says that her step-dad is nice. She is so protective of her mom. My cousin pointed out to me that on Facebook my sister?s H has a picture of my niece with the caption ?My other girlfriend.? My cousin asked him what is that about???? He did not answer her. L Makes me scared that something else is going on.
I try to get info from my niece, but I think they tell her not to say anything. She maybe scared because she knows what her Mom is going through.
I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said above, but I wanted to say thanks for working hard to do the right thing.
Please keep us posted.
This makes me feel a little bit better about how my situation was handled. I was babysitting a nine-month-old who was being neglected and abused. My friend, her parents and I ended up calling the police. They showed up within half an hour to make sure they were there before she got back. They also had a social services/family services type member there to take the child into custody.
I would recommend calling your local police department as the PP suggested. And to make sure to document incidents as well, even how he responds to what you say.
You are describing a Domestic Violence situation. In addition to your other effrots, I would suggest contacting a DV resource inyour area for advice, plans and resources. For both YOU as a family member witnessing this and and she as a victim/participant.