North Carolina Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD?
I got an invite to a bridal shower for DH's cousin's fiancees. They live up on LI, we're down here, and it happens to fall on a weekend where I already know I won't be able to go (nor do I typically go to OOT showers). I haven't ever met the fiancee--heck, I've only met the cousin 3 times (at my wedding, at another cousin's wedding 2 weeks after ours, and 1 afternoon before we moved down here to celebrate a graduation from HS (I think?). FWIW, when Dh and I lived in NY, Dh lived 10 minutes away from that part of his family and in the 4 years he lived there only saw them 2-3 times besides what I have. Even though they are first cousin's, clearly, they aren't close.
Would you send a gift?
Re: WWYD?
This. I tend to send gifts for any showers/weddings I'm invited to so I would definitely do a little something for family.
I'm kind of torn. On one hand, I'd say nope because of the distance and not knowing her that well factor.
On the other hand, she will be family so something small would be a nice gesture.
I'm also the kind of person that randomly buys small gifts for friends because I know they really appreciate it and I like giving gifts. So I think, in the very least, I'd send a card. If you're feeling generous, maybe add in a GC.
No, I wouldn't. I think that sending a gift if you can't attend a shower is a a nice gesture, but not expected nor required. Will you be attending the wedding? Even if I were able to attend the shower in that scenario, I would probably have a 'total gift' budget for the wedding events in mind. Whatever I spent on the shower gift I'd subtract from the 'total gift' amount and give something representative of the balance at the wedding. So the wedding couple would be getting the same amount of gift from me regardless.
You do have to take my advice w/ a grain of salt. I couldn't attend a shower for DH's cousin (in NY also) and MIL provided a shower gift "from DH & I", so maybe this view is embarrassing or something. Whatever, I don't really care.
Thank goodness! I thought I was going to be the lonely cold hearted biatch in the group!
I guess if you grew up North of the Mason-Dixon line they don't tell you the "polite" rules. I didn't hear about them till I moved to NC either. But you're right, all my friends and family from Ohio that couldn't attend the shower/wedding didn't send gifts.
Alright, I realize at first that I was looking at this very cynically. Initially, I was thinking "gift grab" because although technically they are first cousins, in reality, they are strangers to us. I don't know which brother is "Chris" and which is "Matt" and I didn't know the fiancee was "Victoria" before seeing the shower invite.
But now I'm thinking back to when DH and I got married. I don't think I met his aunt and cousins before our wedding--even though they only lived 10 minutes away from DH. I don't know if she was invited to my shower, and can't remember if she sent a gift if she was (though I'm pretty sure she was invited.) But she also probably didn't know much about me either--besides the fact that her husband, FIL, and the rest of their siblings went to school with my dad and uncle growing up. Maybe. Its strange to me, because I have a small family and we try to keep in touch, but Dh's family is only slightly bigger and we literally haven't heard from this branch of the family since we moved to NC, almost 6 years ago.
I don't know if we will go to the wedding--honestly, it will probably depend if my parents are still living up there or not. They didn't attend Dh's brother's wedding, so I don't think it would be awful if we didn't go. I don't think they would have gone to our wedding if it weren't located so close to where they live. That wouldn't fly in my family, but not everyone is the same, right?
Same with northern VA, I guess.
Of the official one, yes, but there was dispute over where it was for the longest time. If you go by the "Pennsylvania claim" then most of MD is included and a part of NoVa. If Pennsylvania got their way most of MD wouldn't exist. lol. Good thing Maryland won that battle.
I was told in California that I have a very "don't mess with me" accent. I guess my attitude comes out in how I talk to hair straightening vendors.
You guys are cracking me up. There are times when I side with the Yankees, and times when I think "it's nicer to be nice" and side with the Southerners.
But clearly, as I've illustrated in the past, when I get angry/annoyed, it's ALL NY. 
I spoke with my mom and she does think the Aunt went to my shower and gave us at least some sort of gift. So, I will probably send something modest. (Something tells me I'll be able to skip checking the Tiffany registry.)
I would not over think it or stress out over it. I think it is fine to send something small or not send anything at all.
There is a good chance I would not send anything all, but I did grow up in PA, so maybe I am not the best one to ask.
I'm with you there, girl. If we don't go to the wedding, we'd DEFINITELY still send an acknowledgment of their wedding. That happened to us, and it still is a sore subject for me, so I wouldn't want to be that person to someone else. Golden Rule, baby.