Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
For those of you that "schedule" sex....
Give me more info on how you do this w/ your SO. How do you keep it from being too formal/rigid? TIA!
Re: For those of you that "schedule" sex....
By not not using the word "scheduling sex".
We have "wine nights" on fridays it's always been a day where we know not to schedule things with anyone else (of course there are exceptions and then we'll just arrange to have some us time another day).
We don't make it ALL about the sex though.
Have a date night once a week or whatever but have it about just having some one on one time. Cook dinner together, open a bottle of wine, play a game, go for a walk...just connect, sure sex will be one of those things that both of you are kind of expecting but there really shouldn't be a ton of pressure on either of you to do it at a certain time or in a specific way. Half the time just having both of you know "today we're probably going to do it" and feeling connected in other ways will just make it happen naturally. And if you don't have sex don't feel like the entire night is wasted, you can still initiate in the morning or another day(we never think that just because it didn't happen that night it won't happen until the next date night, most of the time if it didn't happen on our "date night" one of us will initiate the next day sometime, when you feel connected it's way easier to want it) .
This. Exactly...by not calling it "scheduling". When life gets hectic at our place (and with my morning sickness...which is better now), we would have sex Sunday mornings. It was unspoken. We just knew that was our sex time. usually, I'd had a day to rest from work, feeling less nauseous....and we didn't have to be anywhere early
Agree with PPs, but not saying "schedule." To me, that just tacks on yet another things that has to be done, which just stresses me out. I love it when my day is over!
We had date nights and schedule times to just be with each other. Sunday mornings are great (unless I work the overnight before, since then I just want to sleep).
Sometimes when we are just too tried, even though we kind of want to have sex, we'll just both look at each other and say - "how about tomorrow." One of us usually agrees and we roll over and go to sleep. Not so romantic or anything...but it usually works and we are both anticipating it actually happening the next day.
I also agree with PP - there are days, mainly Sat/Sun, that we both know there is a fairly good chance we'll get lucky at some point during the day.
I know this will sound reaaaaallly unromantic, but we usually just ask each other "Wanna do it tonight?"
We usually do it every other day, but if I am feeling tired then we go two days in between. He knows that I really, really like sex on Sunday night, so it's a given that we don't do it Saturday night.
Also unromantic, but we (jokingly) barter sex for activities. I might say, "I see that you're playing video games, but do you want to go with me to visit my (insert relative he'd rather not visit)?" He might reply with "I'll do that thing you like later if I can stay home!" And then we laugh and have individual time followed by good sex when I get home. Obviously, this is not a way of dealing with real problems in a relationship, but rather something we do to laugh about and have fun with. We are both admittedly juvenile when it comes to sex humor.
I do especially like having one day of the week designated for sex. Even if things come up during the week and we don't do it as often as I might like, I know that I can count on Sunday night and the anticpation of it makes it even better.
Our marriage counselor had some good advice. We had totally gotten out of the habit of doing it, and were down to once every few months (ahhh!) He said that during the weekends there should be an expectation for sex. We had to retrain our brains to think that way (what is probably a super-given for most couples.) With this new, unspoken expecation, we've been making a lot of progress.
Cycles 1-18 = a bust
DX= unexplained infertility
Cycle 19-20 On BCP, shutting down the ovaries
Cycle 21- monitored Gonal-f injections + HCG trigger = BFN
Cycle 22- 3 weeks of BCP + Gonal-f + HCG trigger = BFN
Cycle 23- 3 weeks of BCP + Gonal-f + HCG trigger - BFP!
VOTE ON MY PHANTOM BABY NAMES
A friend told me that she and her husband have SOS...Sex on Sundays. They just say SOS and the other knows exactly what is going on