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I just can't. I'm running out of words.
Baby Sofie goes home to be taken off life support tomorrow. I can't deal. I haven't seen her mom in 15 years but somehow we've all reconnected through this beautiful little girl and it's not fair that she has to leave us. I can't help but hold on to hope that there will be some miracle, that she'll come off that ventilator and cough and cry and breathe true life-giving breaths. But the science side of me knows it's not going to happen. I am happy she will be at home with her parents surrounded in love.
It's crazy how hard this has hit me. Maybe it's the FB world where we can share all this information so more people become more involved. Maybe it's from the part of my life when I met Lori and was searching for something and found that something in a bond with others at that time. I don't know. I'm not a religious person but I believe in the human spirit and I believe in the power of positive thinking and healing thoughts. I have to think that the world has a greater purpose for Sofie's presence or else I will lose it.
No one deserves this. No one. I cannot thank you ladies enough for dealing with my sad posts and rantings on this one. I'm supposed to be working but can't concentrate worth a damn. So many of my HS/College friends are online right now on FB and we all just keep "talking" b/c we don't know what else to do.
"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." - Alex & Ani bracelet
My blog: Dodging Acorns
Re: I just can't. I'm running out of words.
"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." - Alex & Ani bracelet
My blog: Dodging Acorns
Sofie and her parents are in my prayers. I will pray for a miracle. I seriously believe they are possible.
Isn't it incredible that such a tiny and new baby can touch so many lives?
Lots of hugs to you, Michele.
It truly is amazing how one little life can affect so many. We have a little girl in our church who had defied the odds and lived well beyond the time predicted by the doctors. But, that one little girl was a beacon of hope for each and every one of us, even those (like myself) who didn't really know her parents and family. To this day, whenever I see her family all wearing pink (mom, dad, and three older brothers) I know that it's in honor of little Sadie Grace.
You may not be able to be right beside her, but be there for your friend. Let her know that you are there for her. In the days and weeks and months and years ahead, she may turn to you for support, or for an ear, or any number of things. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are experiencing. There is no making sense of something like this. You can beat yourself over the head with all the questions of "Why?" but it will not get you anywhere. The reason will always elude us. But, what is done during, after and because of an unfortunate and unfair happenstance is what can color the whole memory. Do you live out your life in honor of the one that was lost too soon, appreciating every little blessing that comes your way with renewed hope and the brightness and eternal wonder of a child? Do you retreat to the quiet of your mind and allow your world to turn sallow while you wallow in despair?
Sofie's parents have been able to hold their daughter, if only for a few precious moments. And, Sofie has known her parents' love. In Sofie's short time on earth, she has touched so many lives, even here on the Nest through you, and has been a beacon to reconnect long lost friends, and make others appreciate what they have and what they may quite often take for granted.
I know you worry about how Lori will be able to return to work as a NICU nurse at the hospital. If it is truly too difficult for her, she may seek a change of locations, assignments or area of care. But, this experience may also make her that much better of a nurse. She will be able to empathize that much more with the parents of her tiny patients. She may work even harder to ensure that the little babies she sees on a daily basis are given the greatest chance for a thriving life outside the NICU.
Hold your children extra close. Ben may think you're crazy, and he may be right, but that's no reason why you shouldn't hold him tight.
Hugs to you, my friend. I'm just a phone call away if you need to talk.
Running on the Rhode
I hate you very much
It took 5 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, but our FET worked!
My pregnancy after Infertility Blog
Our baby girl was born on April 27, 2011!