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WWYD?
Last week, my work had a reception after a long meeting with the top 250 executives. I was assisting at the meeting, so I got to go to the reception. Over the course of 4 hours, I had 3 glasses of wine, and two sips of a co-worker's mixed drink. I also had two full plates of food. My feet were killing me, and I took off my shoes near the end of the night. I was enjoying myself and talking with some colleagues that I don't get to see frequently.
My department VP, who is also a friend, told my boss that I was extremely intoxicated, and that she had to watch out for me, and that my behavior was very unprofessional. She had more drinks than I did, and was heavily flirting with another attendee.
I am not sure what to do. I certainly wasn't drunk, and I wasn't behaving improperly at all. I don't know if she thought I couldn't stand because I was too drunk, when really my feet were just killing me.
I am mortified. My boss thinks I was behaving poorly, and I really was not. I explained the situation to her and she agrees that unless she hears something from someone else, she knows me well enough to know that I probably am telling the truth.
Would you say something to the VP/friend? I have had drinks with her before, and have had no problems. I want to bring it up, but don't really know what to say or how to start. I feel like she is throwing me under the bus for some reason, and I don't really know why. I certainly will not be so trusting in the future, and plan to pretty much cut her as a personal friend from now on. I just am not quite sure how to handle this situation, as I am really upset, but don't want to put my job in jeopardy.
Re: WWYD?
If she's a friend, I might say something to her. Just something along the lines of, "I understand you were concerned about my behavior the other night. My reputation is really important to me, and it would help me to know exactly what you saw so that I can avoid giving a bad impression in the future."
You might be able to say that you were careful to limit your intake of alcohol, moderate it with food and will be extra careful to wear more comfortable shoes next time (ha ha)!
That's a tough one. I'm usually pretty confrontational and believe on addressing issues directly (because otherwise it comes across in my behavior and I think people should know why my behavior towards them has changed)
But, in this case, you can't really argue with her that you weren't drunk. If you do choose to speak to her, it should be something like "In the future, when you have a concern about me, I hope you come to me directly so you can get my side instead of immediately reporting me to my boss." Then you could ask her what she saw that she felt was unprofessional (if you want to open yourself up for that kind of feedback)
On a side note: Did other women take their shoes off? Since I've never worked in a corporate setting, I don't have experience but that was probably a tad unprofessional.
I agree with this. I'm pretty direct when it comes to my job and my reputation here and would probably say exactly what I bolded in Mrs BoomBoom's reply.
I work in an environment where this is perfectly fine. Many other women had shoes off by this point, I just think she mistook my limping in pain as being too tipsy to walk.
I asked my boss specifically what she had said was bad- and she mentioned a time where I said I was unable to drive. I explained that I don't drive when I feel even the least bit tipsy, and was even more cautious because this was a work function. I didnt mean that I was blasted and couldn't drive.
I think I will just let it go unless it is brought up again. I am super non-confrontational, and don't want this to turn into a mud slinging competition at work.
I am still really angy that she chose to say something to my boss rather than directly to me. I may say something in this regard when I have had a chance to cool down, but I think I should wait, because I dont want to say something in anger.
I am sorry this happened to you. You have explained it to your boss and IMHO unless it is brought up again, or you have to discuss it with HR, then I would let it drop.
On a side note, this is why I make it a point never to drink with co-workers at any work related function.
I would talk to her and say something like what smbsantacruz mentioned. I think you can be direct without being confrontational, which would put her on the defensive and you probably won't get far anyway. I think it'd be good for you to find out exactly what she had concerns about and try to address those with facts.
I think if it were me, I'd probably also limit or avoid drinking at future work functions altogether, especially where her or my boss are in attendance, because clearly there is a chance of that being misconstrued.
To me it sounds like she complained about you because she felt guilty about her own behavior. Like she was trying to throw somebody under the bus before somebody mentioned her behavior.
Sucky situation all around. =(
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Well said. And I guess you can put this friend on the "never trust again" list, huh? That's too bad.
I'm sorry, that stinks. I'm with you and I'd be feeling like she was trying to throw me under the bus. My gut says that this friend/VP has higher aspirations and didn't like that you were at this event (that you previously had not been included in). My gut would say that she is trying to keep you from advancing up to her level. But, that is all just speculation on my part, obviously.
I don't know if I would say anything at this point (you already spoke with your boss and she is on your side, it sounds). But in regards to your VP, just remember, people show you who they are...pay attention.
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