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MIL babysitting issue
I'm having an issue with MIL babysitting DD and I don't know how to say this to DH without making him feel bad. First of all, I like my ILs. They love DD so much and we always have fun when they visit. My parents live a 2 hour plane ride away, and my ILs live a 1.5 hour drive away. My parents are retired, my ILs are still working. We have a nanny and part of her contract is 2 weeks paid vacation. She already took one of the weeks and my mom came down to watch DD. Now, our nanny is planning her next week of vacation, and DH wants his mom to watch DD during that time. I think this is not a good idea. MIL's health is not good. She only works part time and that drains her. She has to take a nap every day if she's not working. I don't think she can keep up with a walking toddler for a week. She has a hard time lifting and walking and DD is 21 lbs. Also, my MIL is not the type of person to admit to her weaknesses. She will insist that she's fine, play with DD all day, and then crash and need medication/therapy for her arms/back/shoulders the next day. I'm fine with my ILs coming down and all of us hanging out with DD because if MIL gets tired, one of us can step in.
So, I think DH has this vision of his parents helping out equally as my parents and being super involved with taking care of DD. He thinks my parents live too far away, although my mom has been saving her miles to come down whenever we want her to. My mom handled DD great for the first week - my mom is in great health, active, etc. I just think she's a better choice for this situation, but I'm not sure how to approach the subject with DH. He already suggested having his mom come down to watch DD, and I told him we could discuss it when he got home because I didn't really want to get into it over the phone while he's at work. Any suggestions on how to have this conversation?
Re: MIL babysitting issue
Ditto this. As much as you love MIL, you need to put your child first. And - if MIL gets too tired, to sit two days in a row, who is going to call in sick? Will it be your DH? That could be 2-3 days. Plus, how is she compensated for missing her part time job?
I would say "H, I love your mom, and I'm happy that she wants to watch DS, but a week of DS is physically too much for her. It won't work, and I won't be comfortable leaving DS with her."
As a solution - - would your mom mind "sharing" child watching if she comes down? For example, if she comes for the week, but MIL joins her for a few mornings a week? Would they get along and not be territorial? Maybe your mom could leave DS with MIL one early afternoon, and meet you for lunch!
Good luck.
My parents, where BOTH of them watch DS for 2 days a week, admit that the 2 days is tiring. They are in good health and LOVE watching DS, but they fully admit the 2 days is "enough" (on top of other babysitting they do for us here and there).
I'm GLAD they can admit to this.
My IL's are similar to yours - not in good health and other reasons why we just don't feel they can watch DS. We would LOVE for them too- having 2 sets of grandparents would be great. But in the end- this is about DS and his well-being. Il's would never intentionally do anything to hurt DS, but there is just too much room for something to happen.
Luckily DH is on the same page as me.
So I agree- focus on the safety aspect of it. For both your DS and his mom.
In the end, access to your child isn't about "equality". It needs to be about what is best for your DS.
ETA: Sorry, I meant DD.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thank you, I will definitely focus on the safety issue.
I'm not afraid DH will get upset about it, but I know he's having a hard time coming to terms with his mom getting older, health declining, etc.. So, I just wanted to figure out a more tactful way to discuss it with him. I guess it helped writing it down.