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Do I Accept A Gift from MIL (edited to shorten)
MIL and I do not get along whatsoever. We have recently learned to be civil but that's about it. Neither of us is 100% to blame. The big issue is that she's manipulative and I'm stubborn. That's a bad mix.
Since I had a baby last year, suddenly MIL wants to be my bestie. DH says it's because she's afraid I'll keep DS from her. As much as I dislike her, I wouldn't ever do that - he needs love and relatives in his life.
Lately, she has been making these big shows about trying to befriend me but they are almost always manipulative. If no one is around, she won't mention anything. Then if people are in the room, she will talk really loudly and say things like, 'I picked up a pack of M&Ms for you when I went grocery shopping today. I know how you just love M&Ms!!" It's like she's on stage.
Well, she just sent a note home to me (through DH) saying how she wants to pay for me to take a cooking class. She wants me to pick which class I want to take and get back to her. She called two days ago to talk about something totally different and didn't even mention the class. Then, yesterday, in front of DH, FIL, BIL & SIL she did another one of her shows: "Oh, X I'd just love to pay for a cooking class for you! Which one do you want to take? Mexican? Italian? Cake Decorating? You tell me and I'll pay for it!" ::big million dollar smile::
I know she is doing it to make herself look good. She's done this before a bunch of times and I keep falling for it. After 5 years of back handed gifts, I'm getting wise to her. She gets me things and then announces to everyone how wonderful she is that she got me something.
My question is this. Should I accept this gift? Will it make me look even worse to say No thank you?
Re: Do I Accept A Gift from MIL (edited to shorten)
"Thank you for the offer. That's very nice. However, at this point I'm really not interested in taking a cooking class."
No- you arent' wrong to say no. Honestly, if you know how to cook and have never expressed interest in taking a class, it's kind of an odd gift anyhow.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Have you ever expressed interest in cooking around her.... seems like an odd gift to come out of nowhere? Or does she just think you can't cook?
I would politely decline and there is nothing wrong with that.
To me if you were to accept.... she would use it to manipulate you. You know, a gift with strings attached.... No thank you.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I think if the class sounds fun to you , then accept it for sure.. but if it's something you don't want to do then just say you can't find a free weekend or whatever excuse. Next time she says something in front of everyone smile back even more sweetly and say you would love to but just hate the idea of doing it alone and you wish you could invite husband/ friend/ etc.. She will have to keep her act up and say sure, lol.
My boyfriends mom offered to give me cooking lessons herself and luckily my BF jumped in and said he never tasted better cooking then mine and he wouldn't like it if I changed a thing.. priceless
What would even possess her to think you'd want to take a cooking class? Have you ever mentioned this is something you want to do? If not, kinda sounds like shes passive aggressively trying to knock your cooking while also making others think shes so great for being generous.
Do not under any circumstance take this gift. It will not make you look worse to not accept. I'd maybe reply with something like, "Thanks for the offer but DH and I were thinking maybe you could babysit DS for us one evening so we could do something together instead". Only of course if you'd actually leave DS with her but this will show her you don't want monetary gifts and you aren't looking to keep DS from her.
Thats awesome!
"MIL, that is so sweet of you, but I feel I've got my hands full with the baby right now. If I had an evening free, I'd rather sleep than cook! But thanks for thinking of me!"
Just politely decline. Actually it sounds like fun, but I wouldn't accept a gift from someone who used gifts (or offers of gifts) to manipulate me.
Well, a great deal depends on whether or not you even want the class. So, do you?
This is my mom too. I see no problem with accepting show-off gifts. If you want to take a class, then accept. If offering you a cooking class is a critcism of your cooking or of no interest to you, then decline. I don't really see how someone can use a cooking class to manipulate, it's just not that big of a gift.
She has been getting you gifts for the past five years? What have you been doing all along, accepting them? I am the type of person that feels uncomfortable when someone keeps buying me gifts over and over, especially for no reason, not a special occasion like a birthday or holiday. I would feel like I would then owe them something someday, special favors, etc. I don't think it will make you look worse to say NO. Just pleasantly say "No Thank you, I am not interested in taking a cooking class".
It's also strange how she does not mention the gifts to you but only to other people or in front of other people. I would decline all future gifts in the hope that she would stop the gift offers.
Is she insulting your cooking?
I was going to say something like this. Of course I don't know your mil or you or your history, but really who cares. Don't get your panties all in a bunch (and i hate that term lol) over this. If she's just trying to look good, who really cares. If she's trying to buy your affection, who cares jut let her. Lighten up a bit, maybe you two can find a common ground eventually to just accept eachother for who you both are. So yes, take the gift, if it's something you want to do. If it's not, than just polietly decline. Stop trying to read her motives, you're not a mind reader. Of course this is different if she has done something very damaging or hurtful, but this just seems like two different personalities trying to get along. You have to give a little too. Why not start with this.
Good luck!
Despite her motivations, you make a good point when you say you are family and family really is what keeps life ...hectic. LOL
I would say no thank you to her paying for the class, but ask if she's like to go to one with you, and you each pay for your own.
It's an opportunity to disarm her over-active gestures, for you to take a high road, and her to not feel threatened by you.
Hope it works out!