April 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
prayers needed (long)
I can't remember if I posted something back in August about this or not.
My oldest cousin is having a very hard time. Her first marriage ended in a very nasty divorce (two kids involved). At first, both kids lived with her. Once the oldest child turned 12, the father tricked him into signing a piece of paper to live with him for a year. Both kids went to the father's. About a year later, the youngest requested to live with her mom explaining that the step mom was making her to things that weren't right (i.e., having the kids apply paint to her body). So this was the first time the kids were separated.
Fast forward about 4 years...The youngest over the summer (about 3 weeks before school started), decided she wanted to move back to her dad's (dad has money and will buy her anything she wants...no questions asked). This was my cousin's undoing. She made her daughter give away the cat she had since 1) she did not want the constant reminder of what happened and 2) dad is very allergic to cats.
So that is where DH and I come into the mix. We took the cat in about mid-August. We already had another cat (around 18 years). At first everything was fine between the two cats, but the last several weeks, the older cat is fighting this younger cat (she will scream for several minutes on end..). This has gone on for two weeks now and I am losing sleep, having things broken and fear for the younger cat (older one tries to bite). I have watched them and the older cat always starts them (i.e. younger can be drinking water and the older attacks). Anways, we decided that we need to find a new home for the younger cat. DH won't let go of his cat. Out of respect, we told my cousin about this.
Last night she called saying that she cannot take the cat back. The pain of what her daughter did still hurts too much. We understand that. But what got me is how much pain she is in. She has actually thought of ending her life (most recent time was this past Saturday). I feel really helpless and know that all I can do is listen and cry with her. This has upset me and has been on my mind ever since. Please pray that she will find some peace and that the pain of all this won't hurt as bad. I really don't know what else to do...
Sorry for this being so long. I just had to get it off my chest.
My oldest cousin is having a very hard time. Her first marriage ended in a very nasty divorce (two kids involved). At first, both kids lived with her. Once the oldest child turned 12, the father tricked him into signing a piece of paper to live with him for a year. Both kids went to the father's. About a year later, the youngest requested to live with her mom explaining that the step mom was making her to things that weren't right (i.e., having the kids apply paint to her body). So this was the first time the kids were separated.
Fast forward about 4 years...The youngest over the summer (about 3 weeks before school started), decided she wanted to move back to her dad's (dad has money and will buy her anything she wants...no questions asked). This was my cousin's undoing. She made her daughter give away the cat she had since 1) she did not want the constant reminder of what happened and 2) dad is very allergic to cats.
So that is where DH and I come into the mix. We took the cat in about mid-August. We already had another cat (around 18 years). At first everything was fine between the two cats, but the last several weeks, the older cat is fighting this younger cat (she will scream for several minutes on end..). This has gone on for two weeks now and I am losing sleep, having things broken and fear for the younger cat (older one tries to bite). I have watched them and the older cat always starts them (i.e. younger can be drinking water and the older attacks). Anways, we decided that we need to find a new home for the younger cat. DH won't let go of his cat. Out of respect, we told my cousin about this.
Last night she called saying that she cannot take the cat back. The pain of what her daughter did still hurts too much. We understand that. But what got me is how much pain she is in. She has actually thought of ending her life (most recent time was this past Saturday). I feel really helpless and know that all I can do is listen and cry with her. This has upset me and has been on my mind ever since. Please pray that she will find some peace and that the pain of all this won't hurt as bad. I really don't know what else to do...
Sorry for this being so long. I just had to get it off my chest.
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. - Ecc. 3:1
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Re: prayers needed (long)
I am very sorry to hear that she is having such a hard time. I can't even imagine what that must be like.
I will send positve thoughts her way. I hope she can find comfort in something soon. I am glad that she has you to be there for her when she needs it the most, I am sure that is the best thing you can do right now.
Oh my what a mess. I'm sorry you're going through this but it sounds like you and DH are doing what you can.
I don't have any advice really (except don't post this on the pets board! you will be flamed to death for wanting to get rid of the cat, even though I totally understand and agree with your reasons for doing so!). Good luck to everyone involved in this
I'm so sorry to hear what your family is going through. Is it possible for her to speak to someone? A professional might be able to offer some assistance with this situation.
Tons of vibes for her and the rest of your family!!
I do pray that my cousin's downward spin Saturday was not due to us telling her that we can't keep the cat. She claims she is not mad at us and I believe that, but its hard not to think this added to issues. I guess I should be glad that she actually opened up about how bad all this is really affecting her.
send prayers upwards right now - i can't even begin to imagine what kind of turmoil she is in.
i have a friend who lives in houston who's wife is a veterinarian if you'd like me to get you in touch with him...email me at jenifriend(at)hotmail(dot)com if you want their info - perhaps they can help you find a home for the young one.
What an awful situation! Can you separate the cats in your home - put one in the bedroom and keep the other one in the common rooms or something? It sounds like this cat situation is not healthy for you and your little one and that something needs to change.
Sending lots of thoughts and prayers to your family going through this terrible situation. It is great that you are being so supportive, and hopefully she will make it through this mess.
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First, I want to say I am so sorry for your cousin and what she is going through! I have had three people recently (one my boss/Jeff's uncle, another one of my best friends) start the divorce proceedings. I am so glad that the two younger couples I know were still childless and the boss/uncle-in-law only has one left under age, and he is already 15. But they can get UUGGGLLYYY! As I am learning as of the last 48 hours.
Second, I have a suggestion on the cat issue. Bring up the aggressiveness of the older cat to your husband! You are having a baby!! I have heard that cats can get aggressive as they age, because they start to get somewhat crazy (as people do), and that they can attack babies when they get like this. Please, PLEASE bring this issue up to him. I am sure he loves his cat, but your baby and his/her safety is MUCH more important!
I am so sorry for your cousin. I will definitely keep her in my prayers that she can get through this heartbreak and find some peace and happiness with herself so she can continue living her life without the sadness. How old are the kids? How often does she see them?
As for the cat....ohh heavens. I swear, those animals have GOT to be the biggest drama queens EVER!! Your DH needs to figure out the priority here - your health and that of the baby comes before any cat, period. You need to have a serious talk with him that his psycho cat is the one with issues and that something needs to be done about him/her ASAP. Getting rid of the nice one isn't the better solution, IMO. Do you have a basement? Can you lock psycho down there at night? If not, nobody has to know if you slip a li'l rat poisoning in his/her food. I won't tell. ;-)
I'm so sorry to hear this, I remember you mentioning this story before about your cousin. I am sending lots of prayers and vibes that she can realize that she does matter in other people's lives, and I'm sure her children would be devastated if she actually is considering ending her life. That is something NO one should ever have to go through (her family and friends who would be affected). I certainly empathize with the situation with the kids being very difficult but that is not a good reason to go off the deep end like that. If she isn't willing to talk to a professional (i.e. psychologist, etc) maybe a minister/priest/etc?
I agree with Cindy maybe trying to keep the cats separate at least until finding another home, or deciding what to do about the older cat. I'm sure the older cat doesn't have much longer unless it's been crazy healthy all along- my cat passed on last March and she was 20. But obviously you don't want your health and baby to be impacted by this cat situation. I hope you find a solution that is agreeable for everyone involved. ::hugs:: Let us know how things are going!
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Cindy, I know that she was talking to a professional back in August/September. I don't know if she still is. I would ask her, but after what I found out last night, I don't think I want to talk to her for a little while. I talked with my sister last night to update her. Well, she had talked to our cousin before cousin called me. She was trying to use her pain and the situtation to pursue my sister to either take the cat, or to convince me to keep the cat. She also bad talked me. So it upsets me that she was trying to guilt trip us in keeping both cats, or get rid of DH's cat. Oh and to top everything, she is blaming us for her downward spiral Saturday....
I have convinced DH to take his cat to the vet and see if there is anything to help the aggressive behavior. It could be caused by pain, an illness, etc., so if we can help her in some way to make the last bit of life she has better, then we will. He agreed that she can and most likely will be a threat to our baby...at least it is a start to finding a solution.
Wow. What a difficult situation all around. Sending some prayers that your cousin will find her path and what is meant for her. I also hope that she continues (or starts) counseling. It is really the only way for her to get better!
As far as the cat situation, it's good to hear that your H has taken his cat to the vet. I'm sure the older cat is stressed about the new addition and will likely also be stressed when baby comes. Hopefully the vet is able to help and recommend something!
((hugs))
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