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When sex REALLY hurts, or impossible.
I want to spread awareness for a condition called vaginismus.
This condition is a very painful one with psychological and physical roots. The pelvic floor muscles of a woman spasm in response to an insertion which makes the insertion painful, difficult, or impossible. Some women have cases so severe that they cannot even use tampons. Some women are able to have sex, but it is still incredibly painful for them. It is very treatable, but the lack of knowledge about the condition makes it difficult for some women to find an understanding doctor and get the treatment they need. More often than not professionals will tell the woman to "relax" or "have a drink", not realizing that it is turning into a full blown mental and physical condition.
It makes you scared at first to have sex, then it makes other sexual play guilty by association. You start to think "If we have oral sex, it might lead to intercourse which will be painful." You then start to have the same emotions about any intimate contact. Soon you avoid any physical contact in fear of sex.
You start to fear for your relationship; will he leave me, reject me, cheat on me? Will he just turn to porn? Do I make him feel rejected due to my body "rejecting" him? Will we start to drift apart and just become friends?
There are so many emotions behind this misunderstood condition. If anyone reading this has this condition, you are not alone. You no longer have to "relax" or "just stick it in there!" when you know it is more than that.
Re: When sex REALLY hurts, or impossible.
"horrible and heatrbreaking" isn't a great attitude to have about this condition. I am working through this condition (albeit very slowly) right now and keeping a positive attitude is a big part of it. I have never thought of it as horrible and heartbreaking; frustrating, you bet. It is treatable though and may take some time, but dwelling on how "horrible" it is won't help.
And yeah, like PP said, it has been discussed here a lot.
I also deal with vaginismus and have to say that it is horrible and heartbreaking. Especially at first. It sucks to not be able to have sex. Going through everything before your diagnosis can only be described as heartbreaking and horrible.
I think what you (and OP) want to say is that it isn't hopeless. And that I totally agree with you. It's important to talk about, even if it's been discussed before. There are new people on the boards all the time. It's freeing and empowering to know that there are others like you and that they've come through the other side okay.