Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BOTB Help me Wait? (sorry long)
So, My husband and I are recently married (as of May 29, 2010), and both in college. He finishes his bachelors degree this summer and will begin his Masters in the fall. I however am only a sophomore in college and still have 2 years left (4 if I decide to go for my masters as well). We have been pretty smart with our money (less than 10,000 in school loans for both of us); we bought a mobile home to save in rent, bought it for 5k, fixed it up and just sold it for 7.5k. We just took out a mortgage on a foreclosed home for 23k and it is a nice place, 1700 sq. ft. hardwood floors under the icky carpet, etc. I am doing pretty well in school with 3.8 GPA and most of the time think I want to continue for my masters degree (except when thinking...ahh 4 more years...) I have a scholarship for school so it's pretty cheap for me...anyway, all of this to say...I want a baby! I know many say it is better to wait, and I know that very well may be true...but I am anxious. My Hubby is ok with it either way, baby now or baby later. I would love any advice on pluses to waiting or not waiting that any of you might have had.
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Re: BOTB Help me Wait? (sorry long)
Why the rush? Why not get through school (seriously, you have NO IDEA how time consuming and tiring a baby is) first, focus on fixing up the house, spend time enjoying being a newlywed for a couple years?
A baby changes everything. It's a wonderful experience and I can't imagine life w/o DS. But I also really, REALLY enjoy the memories and experiences I have from before DS.
Everyone talks about wanting to be a "young mom", but the flip side to that is that your 20's are a VERY unique time in your life. Once they are gone, they are gone. Every decade has it's ups and downs, but as you get older, they do start to all meld together.
My son leaving the house when I'm in my mid 50's isn't going to be all that terribly different than if I were in my mid 40's. But having a kid in my early 20's vs my early 30's (well, in my case, late 30's, but still, where I was in my early 30's is what I'm thinking of) - VERY different. VERY.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sounds like you're constantly in need of some type of project to do. A baby is not a project, it is a huge life decision that requires a lot of effort/sacrifice. Are you 20 years old? If you are then you have plenty of time for a baby.
You just got married and just bought a house, what's the rush here? I'm a little confused about what your GPA has to do with wanting a baby. Having a baby while in school will make it very difficult for your to focus on your studies, let alone plan for graduate school. Just because you are finanically stable and educated does not mean this is the right time to have a baby.
Do not be extravagant with your opportunities. You have a fine GPA, money in the bank, a scholarship. If you drop out and have a baby, your gpa will be meaningless, you will have much lower earning capacity throughout your lifetime without your degree, and you will NOT get a scholarship when you feel like going back ten years later or whenever.And you won't have money in the bank; you'll have earned less than you otherwise would have, and spent much of it on the baby.
FINISH SCHOOL.
I am not thinking of a baby as a project...that is terrible
I am definately not in need of a new "project" as I have the new house to fix up...I just love children (I know I will love them just as much in 5 years) and have also had family members unable to have children because of medical reasons so I guess my (possibly irrational) thinking is to have children early.And you made me laught about the gpa. You are right it pretty much has nothing to do with it...I guess that was just me trying to say I am a capable person. Regardless the reason I posted this was for people to share their experiences with waiting or having children early. I am 22 yrs. old (to answer your ?)
Ok...this helps. Sorry for being naive, I know I am in this area which is why I posted. Thank you all.
"loving kids" isn't a reason to rush out and have your own.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Also, I would want to wait a few years to make sure the marriage sticks.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
What is the rush to have a baby when the child will be in day care for the next however many years while you finish school?
Not to mention children are very costly and I think its really important to be financially stable before bringing a kid into the mix. I guess kids adjust to any income but I would want my kids to grow up being able to play sports, get to go on family vacations, etc. I guess a plus to having one now is you'd be a young mother and young when the kid graduates hs.
Hey doglove, Seems to me you read a post and do your BEST to throw something nasty in... to your liking...are you making trying to conceive a child yoru PROJECT bc now your DOG is grown and your dont know what to do with yourself? See how silly that sounds? And if you dont then just keep the crap out of your posts and be a bit less judgmental...I pretty sure you stay far away from posting due to someone able to post something nasty or judgmental to you, but you will post away on someone else!!
I agree with the other posts. You are young and it really seems you and your husband have your stuff together. Enjoy this wonderful time as a married couple. Get done with school in 2 years and then maybe come back to the baby topic!!
You can do your Masters pregnant..and with a baby..NOT ideal, but it has been done..Good luck 
You will make whatever decision is right for you.
Huh? I post all the time regarding my personal life and struggles that I have. I need just as much advice as the next person and that is what lead me to the nest. I have also been flamed before and appreciate it because sometimes I do need some perspective on my situations.
That's me!
STAY IN SCHOOL!
You can never get this time back. Focus on developing yourself and your relationship with your husband. Make sure you have a strong foundation before you start adding to your family. You don't want to lose yourself and become defined only by the fact that you are a mom. Experience things that will become more difficult when you have a child. Travel. Start your career.
Having a child is SOOOOO much harder than you think it is financially, emotionally and physically. Being pregnant could also be sooooo much harder than you think it is if you are nauseous or throwing up all 9 months. Getting less than 3 hours of consecutive sleep and trying to function the next day is harder than you think. Keeping a marriage together after baby is born...also hard.
I have always loved children and knew that the only thing I ever wanted in my life was to have kids. But, we waited until we were totally ready meaning, there were no other things unfinished for ourselves personally. We graduated college, worked in our fields for years, traveled where we wanted, and experienced our 20's. We aren't partyiers, but you are carefree. When you have kids, they are your responsibility 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until they are 18 and then the occupy your thoughts I'm sure a TON. And it is hard work to raise them. I think it is a truly selfless job in order to put the needs of the child ahead of yours... and how hard would that be when you have school and other things to tackle. I know some people do it, but after having two children and seeing what it takes... I wouldn't try to take on the rest of college with such a huge responsibility.
Live for the now... you are young, married and in college. Enjoy those things... and look forward to all the things that will come next when it is time for them. Why the rush?? Enjoy your husband... get that relationship on the best footing possible. Your entire life and marriage change when you have kids... are you really ready for all your priorities to change right now?
I'm with everyone else. There is no rush. Finish school, and enjoy being newlyweds.
I am a huge fan of travel, so my advice is for you to finish your bachelors, get a passport and take interesting trips for a couple of years. Go to the Caribbean and snorkel, go to Europe for two weeks and see Paris, make the long flight to Australia and walk the Sydney Bridge and go to Tokyo and have fresh sushi. Build up a bank of experiences and adventures that you can share with your kids. You will never feel like you "missed out" because you had kids early.
Next, work out your financial plan. Figure out how much money you will want to have saved before getting pregnant. Do you want to be in your "family house" before having a baby? Do you want to have enough savings for one of you not to work temporarily/permanently while the child is young? Are you planning to max out all of your possible retirement contributions now in your 20's before you have the expenses of a child?
Sit down, make a list of everything you want to do before you have a baby (IRAs, skydiving, party like rock stars in Vegas) and then organize your plan of action. Every step you take in the action plan will put you closer to having a child in a responsible manner.
This is perfect. I want to save it and use everytime I read of someone whining that they want to be a "young mom".
I so know where you are coming from! I am also newly married and would love to have children. My mom was prego with my oldest sister before her and my dad were married and my sister and BIL had their first baby while they were both in college just one year after marriage. I am in college too. (my H workes full time)
The only difference with me is my H is not ready for a baby, so it looks like I will have to wait till he is ready as well...
My advice is that if you are both ready, and you feel a baby is what you want more than anything else... then have one. Now I am not a mother, but I do know where you are coming from.
Good luck!
I felt the same way at 22, but really don't worry--you've got plenty of time. Finish school, start your careers, get some experience under your belt, travel, party, decorate your house, enjoy each other as husband and wife before adding someone else to the mix. After you start a family it will be decades before it's just you and the hubby again.
Make a pre-baby To Do List of places you want to visit and goals you want to obtain before starting a family. Have fun with your H checking items off the list!