Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Normal Sex Drive?
I got married about 9months ago. My husband is military and we didn't live near each other while we were engaged so we were looking forward to living together and being able to have sex more than 10 times in a year.
But now that we are living together my sex drive is almost nothing. My poor husband is always ready to go. I have been forcing myself to have sex to make him happy, and I enjoy myself when we do, but I really have no desire 99.9% of the time.
My question is how do I know if my birth control is effecting my sex drive? I have been on birth control sense I was 15 so I am not sure I know what a normal sex drive is.
Advice? Similar situations?
Re: Normal Sex Drive?
Have your BC changed; see if that increases your libido.
Hormonal birth control use has definitely been linked to lowered libido in women. Low libido can be a complex problem though, so don't limit yourself to simple explanations.
How is your H in the bedroom? Do you get yours? Are you satisfied? What about how the time preceding the bedroom?
Just a couple things, among many, to keep in mind. Birth control seems to be the first thing people suggest is the culprit for low sex drive around here, but I think there is a lot more to consider. However, since changing BC is a low hanging fruit, it's not a bad idea to check it out, if only to eliminate it as the only cause for the low libido.
Am I reading you correctly when you say that once sex gets rolling, you get into it? And you are fully enjoying it (including orgasms) when you have sex? Does your H always initiate? Does it bother him to initiate all the time? Has he expressed distress that you don't initiate more often? Is he upset with the way things are between you or have you been covering your lack of desire?
When you were living separately, did you feel sexual desire when he was not around? Did you masturbate when you were living alone to provide sexual release or did it just not occur to you to do so?
Have you ever had other lovers? What was your desire level with them? Have you ever had a live-in lover? What was your sex drive then?
As PP suggested, your current BC option could be the culprit. I would also suggest a full blood workup with your OB-GYN. Some thyroid and pituitary issues can dampen sexual desire. Are you on any medications that have the side effect of depressing sex drive? Discuss some other birth control options with your doc and see which one might be a good fit for you. Perhaps a lower dose BCP or stopping hormonal birth control all together might be the way to go.
It might have been that when you were living apart, it was easy to want sex because of the rarity, but now that it is available all the time, your more natural rhythms are being revealed. How often does your H want to have sex with you? If he weren't asking, how often do you think you would want sex? Are you feeling irritated with his asking and is that making you want sex less? Is there a scenario under your current state when you would want more sex? Let's say if he agreed not to ask all the time and you agreed to twice a week at times of your initiation?
Evaluate the promise from both physical and psychological directions and you will likely come to a better situation.