Sex & Romance
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I cant get my husband to have sex w/ me???
My soon to be H and i have been together for four years and will be gettin married soon. we have lived together for almost an entire yr. Recently our sex life have come to almost a complete hault. I cant even get him to want to touch me. I can flirt and be blunt and just grab his "junk" and he tells me to quit or not now. And last week he got laid off so now there is a money stress on top of everything. So now not only are we not having sex we dont talk to each other no matter what i try.
Help me please i need advise. Im scared for my soon to be marriage.
Re: I cant get my husband to have sex w/ me???
#2. recognize that financial stress can play a HUGEHUGE roll in anyone's libido.
#3. don't get married until the communication issue has been resolved. i see that as a bigger problem than the no sex, for right now.
Don't marry this guy until the prblem is resolved.
Put the wedding date on hold as of now.
First off, have a thorough and comprehensive no holds barred talk with him about your zero sex life. You and he both need to address this issue.
Has he had a complete medical checkup lately? if not, I strongly suggest he have one pronto -- he could have a thyroid problem. That will indeed kill one's libido -- and your thyroid is important to a great many physiological and bodily functions: heart rate, etc.
A thyroid problem is fixable. He either could be hypoactive or hyperactive. There are meds for both.
It could also be hormonal -- again, fixable.
It could very well be that being laid off is compounding theproblem that already existed.
If he checks out medically and no sex is forthcoming, it very well could be that this relationship has run its course. Not great news but that could be it, also.
We are going through something similar. Actually pretty close to your situation. Even down to the job loss.
When we started dating, we would have sex multiple times a night, every night we could. Fast forward to a year later, we moved in together, and our sex life slowed way down. I think it is because the "new-ness" wore off, and we got "comfortable". Fast forward again, almost 4 years later, we are down to about 2 times a week. It used to be one at the most, but it has picked up lately, since he isn't working and too tired all the time.
Our one huge issue: We were both frustrated with eachother, and he wasn't in the mood, mentally. What happened was, we split the household chores, but he wouldn't do his stuff without me nagging him all the time. He would get mad at me for nagging, and I would be mad at him for making me nag. We discussed it are working it out. It took a ton of work on my part to get to the root of the issue. He would just say, "nothing", or "I don't know" when I would ask him questions.
Are there any issues that might be bugging you both or just him? Talk about it. If he doesn't open up the first time, keep asking! It all came out when we were arguing about something else. Good luck!
So many things play into sex, relationships, intimacy and communication. I know everyone has their almost agoraphobic times when they feel too anxious or plain down. now since things have gotten worse since the job loss, he is most definately under stress-and a bulk of it being he thinks he cannot provide for you.
Second, Sometimes sex stops for a minute.. but Intamacy doesnt have to ever stop, or slow ,but since your being so blatent, and he is ignoring you-dont let it bother you, as hard as it is-you need to ask him point blank what is going on communication is so important...if your best girlfriend werent talking to you anymore, youldnt you ask her what was going on?
If he keeps avoiding you, Then tell him whats in your heart, and dont expect immediate results.
Think of therapy ( Im a psychologist, and had to go to marriage counseling , and sometimes still go) therapy never killed anyone, especially when your supposed to spend your lives together.
Please PLEase PLEASE do not think anything against yourself.
There is also a profound lack of intimacy here, also.
Please give thought to the advice you've received here --- remember, once you get married the problem will be a permanent one and no wedding vow will morph him into a raging sexual animal.
I'd make the continuation of your engagement contingent upon his seeing a physician and getting a complete physical -- why don't you make an appointment for yourself, also? It's probably time for your annual, anyway.
Hormonal deficiencies and thyroid problems are fixalble with meds. Good luck.
Men get really focused when it comes to something they are driven by...and something tells me the "money issue" will be on his mind until it is fixed/resolved. Men want to provide and it's a part of their nature. I say hold off trying to "receive" sex until he makes it clear he wants it. It will be that much more meaningful! It will be hard to wait, but worth it. Plus it would be important for the two of you to discuss things. But never tell yourself, "He doesn't want to have sex, that means he doesn't want me or care for me." That's never the case! Personally I could have sex more often then my husband, but I think it's mostly because we are at a spot in our marriage where money is tight and he 1)is thinking about the money issue a lot and 2) doesn't want to take any chances of getting pregnant.
It means so much to both of us if we wait and allow HIM to be in the mood and to lead. But I've heard similar things that you have "not now" or "just quit" and that is totally normally to hear from a guy who is totally focused on something else.
How soon are you getting marred? It will be an issue once you get married if you don't talk things through now and figure out a plan. My husband and I try to go to bed a little earlier to have time to discuss things.