September 2010 Weddings
Xtine22
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I was wondering..
The other day on TK either SB or E, they were talking about when you would tell people your were expecting. So I am curious about all of you.When do you think you would start to tell people that you are with child..
I would love to say beside H and our family and maybe a couple close friends I would wait till 12 weeks. I just know me and I think it will be very hard to keep a secert with some on my coworkers.
Also, we go to the resturant H works at often to go have some drinks and the bartenders will totally know when I am KU. I have joke with H that I will have to pretend to drink for weeks so they won;t think anything. When I don''t have a drink one time I get the "What are you pregnant?!?!?"
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Re: I was wondering..
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I was really neurotic about having a m/c and I knew that if it did happen I would need to be able to deal with it privately. That being said, I called my BFF the day I got the BFP because I was so in shock and I just needed to talk to her. I told one or two other friends who were pregnant/new moms just so that I could ask 'is this normal?' I was a few days shy of 12 weeks along before we told my parents and my ILs. And I was 14-16 weeks before we really started telling anybody else - boss @ work, other friends etc.
On a side note, we were a little annoyed with our parents (both sets) since we asked them to NOT share until I got to about 16 weeks - just wanted to be on the safe side and I was having some complications. About a week after we told them they were all telling me about all the other people they told. WTF??
I should add, it would also be a lot easier for me to not tell our parents because I'm not super close with my mom, and I DREAD telling my MIL because once that floodgate is opened, it will be nonstop 'advice' from her end and the rest of the family. She's already made some parenting comments that make my blood boil. Jeff is close with his mom, though, and he may wind up spilling the beans even though logically he knows there will be consequences. If I had my way, we would move far away from Jeff's family once I got pregnant and not tell them until the kid is around 5 or so.
Edit: I might tell a few close friends, though I really worry about their ability to keep a secret. I'm sure when the time comes, though, I'll be bursting to tell someone. Overall, though, it will be a secret.
I would tell H as soon as I found out, and my mother probably sometime within the next couple of weeks after that. She and I are close, and she is a nurse and would be able to tell if there was something not right with me pretty quickly anyway.
Everyone else (including work and H's family), I would wait until I was through with the first trimester - about 12 weeks along.
My BFF went through a loss a few years ago, and she had a really good point, that if the person you're telling about the pregnancy is someone you'd want to help you get through a loss, then you can tell early. If not, keep your mouth shut.
That said, when we get pregnant, we plan to tell our parents and sisters, and my two BFFs, after we get confirmation from the doctor, not just after the HPT. Those are the people that I would want by my side if anything happened, so I don't have a problem telling them.
Me too. Ideally, I'd keep it quite until I hit 12 weeks. I'd really like to NOT tell MIL until 12 weeks because she's been looking forward to her first grandkid since we got engaged! So once those gates are opened, it'll be a flood of advice and gifts (which aren't necessarily a bad thing). She also won't be able to keep her mouth shut, so as soon as she knows, the whole family will know.
I think that's a really excellent point. I guess it says a lot about me, but there's no one other than Jeff that I would want to go through it with me. It's something to keep in mind, though, since it would be selfish for me to not let him tell people that HE would want helping him through it - unfortunately, if we were to lose a baby, I think he'd want his parents to know, and I absolutely wouldn't. So who wins, you know?
I'm like JenO and Xtine. I probably wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it.
I'm can keep other people's secrets, but not my own.
Hell, I'd probably call both sides of the family just to tell them I'm going to the doctor to get tested. hahaha
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
H & I would definitely wait until 12 weeks to tell fam. I'd probs blab it all over the board when I got a BFP (along with lots of complaining). But I probably just wouldn't tell people otherwise.
I was the same way with getting engaged. Like one day, a few weeks after H popped the question, one of my co-workers (all male) was like "Are you wearing a diamond ring on your necklace?" I called MOH and we told our families the next day.
Also I'm amused at the idea of being like 8 months pregnant and a coworker being like "So, uh, are you pregnant?"
H & I are both really private people. And we'd really only share our emotions regarding a loss with each other.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
I wouldn't be able to contain myself for 12 weeks, so I'd definitely have to tell my immediate family & very close friends by then. After 12 weeks, the rest of the family and friends are fair game.
09.25.10
lol - this just happened to me today. I only actually told like 5 people at work - and I ran into my former boss (who I did not really have a fantastic relationship with) on my way to lunch today and she asked "so, are you expecting?" Nope - just wearing a basketball under my clothes every day. Here's your sign.
I wouldn't be able to keep something that huge to myself for very long. I'd tell Richard right away. My parents and close aunts about 2 months into it. Then the rest of the fam 3 months into it. I'd probably host a dinner and make the big announcement.
That's my thought process for who I'd tell - if I was to miscarry, I'd need to lean on those people.
Eesh, that's totally hard. And I have no easy answers for you.
eh...maybe I'm biased, but I sort of feel like if YOU are the one who is actually carrying the baby (and potentially m/c as well), then YOU should get final say. No matter how 'fair' or 'even' you try to make things in your marriage, there are just some things that he can't do - even if he'd like to. This is one of them, and ultimately I think if it's your body that is or isn't cooperating then you should get a little more weight in the decision making. Besides, the last thing he's going to want is to make YOU feel uncomfortable.
DH and I had the convo not too long ago since we'll be TTC very soon.
Ideally, we'd like to keep it a secret until between 8 and 12 weeks. At that point we'd tell our family and close friends, then after the 3 months mark we would let everyone know.
To be clear, I don't think Jeff would deliberately go against my wishes, and I think his stance would be like Susie is saying - he would be willing to let me make the choice at his expense because it would ultimately be my body. I would still feel bad, though.
But the idea of his family prying into our business and the prospect of them knowing about a m/c, if it happened, is just too much. They are nice people, but they just don't get it sometimes. When my grandmother died they brought it up CONSTANTLY, with this 'Oh I'm so sorry' expression on their face, and they told every single person on the planet about it so I couldn't escape it and grieve in peace. They are nice people, and they mean well, but their style of comfort doesn't mesh with how I handle my emotions.