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Why did this disappear?
Cross-Post SIL blames me for her husband's debt
My SIL (husband's brother) has made it pretty clear that she
dislikes me. She's constantly making comments about my being younger
and not Jewish. I'm Catholic, and every time I see or speak to her she
makes some critical comment about Catholicism. She acts likes it's some
huge tragedy that my child's not Jewish, despite the fact that DH could
care less about Judaism and doesn't consider himself to be religious at
all.
But I think the real reason she doesn't like me is because before we were married, my husband was always the older, single, fun, rich uncle for her kids. He showered them with expensive presents, paid for a summer beach house for the whole family and just generally spent a lot of money on BIL, SIL and their kids. Now that we have a child and a mortgage, he can't afford to do all this anymore, and instead of being happy that DH has a family of his own, she resents it.
To make matters worse, BIL borrowed a substantial amount of money from DH several years ago, and DH is now asking that he start making (very small without any interest) payments on the loan. BIL understands and is fine with it, but his wife is majorly pissed and blames me. She's telling everyone who will listen that my husband is struggling to keep up with my "constant demands" and that I should be out working. This is ridiculous since (1) I'm on maternity leave and taking care of our newborn and (2) I very rarely spend money on myself, and DH and I live well below our means (unlike SIL who is constantly buying tacky designer clothes and drives a luxury car she can't afford).
She's also completely paranoid that DH's
mother will spend money on our child and makes a point of repeating
that "her kids come first." Umm we neither need nor want MIL's
financial help, and our children should all be treated equally.
I
really feel that she's just been using my husband for his money and
abusing his generous spirit and now that he's not paying for
everything, she wants nothing to do with him. My heart hurts so much
for my husband. I've tried reaching out to her before for my husband's
sake but at this point I just want absolutely nothing to do with her.
Re: Why did this disappear?
Maybe she was scared her SIL would see it.
And to answer her last question, I absolutely would not have any more contact with her than absolutely necessary. I would also make good use of the phrases "Why would you say such a thing?" and "What do you mean?"
whoops! wrong thread.
I dont think it would hurt for the SIL to see it, she sounds pretty jealous, greedy and crazy! Its amazing how money can drive such a wedge in families to those who think designer/luxury items are important. Its too bad that SIL can't see the children (cousins) having a close relationship is more important than $$$
This SIL sounds like an awful woman and a real piece of work and I would have as little contact with her as possible, especially since she does not want to have contact with your DH. What does your DH have to say about all this? Does he realize how awful she is? Does he want to "freeze her out"?
Why subject yourself to her mean bigoted comments, they won't stop. It also seems that she only cared about your DH for his money, and when that ended, she turned into a bish because she wasn't getting anymore. I doubt she will change if you reach out to her in the future. The best thing to do is to establish boundaries when you do have contact with SIL. "SIL, why are you concerned about my religion, its really none of your business what religion we choose to raise our children"
As far as the other things who are you hearing this from? If not directly from her, then you can't confront her as you have no proof she really said these things, and she can deny them.
Interesting.
I wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly. I'd be cordial when we're forced to be together, but otherwise wouldn't have anything to do with her.
That woman sounds crazy. Her kids come first with grandma? That's dumb.