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BR: (F/U - Long/Graphic)
We confirmed the miscarriage yesterday afternoon. We lost the baby at 6w5d.
The appointment was painful, horrifying, and hilarious.
The painful part was both physical and emotional. J was standing beside me holding my right hand while everything went down. The Dr. saw what he called the "tissue" at the opening of my cervix when he checked me out. He told me he was going to "scrape" out what he could to try to avoid a D&C. This was the most painful process. I think within 5 seconds I was crying, screaming, and hyperventilating. The nurse was trying to talk me through breathing- much like labor I guess. I pray no one in the waiting room heard me, because if so, they must have been terrified. I begged the Dr. through cries to please stop. He told me he would stop if I really needed him to, because it wasn't necessary for him to finish.
Here comes the horrifying (and then hilarious) part. Right as the Dr. starts to take a break J "leans" over on top of my stomach. He was kind of shaking a little bit so I was thinking that he was crying and just breaking down a little. I asked if he was okay through my own sobs, but he didn't answer. I tried to nudge him with my right arm, and right as I realized he wasn't responding the door slammed open and two nurses ran in to help the Dr. and attending nurse pull him up off of me. When I saw him coming up and I saw his eyes they were huge and he looked so confused. I was terrified he was having a seizure or something. I was writhing around on the table butt naked asking if my husband was okay while the nurses were trying to hold me back down and tell me he was okay. That's right ladies - my husband fainted. Apparentally the sound of me screaming like that paired with him being on his feet, and already being in a "weakened emotional state" caused him to faint. Once he was okay, and the Dr. explained he wasn't paralyzed for life from a seizure I actually laughed. He kept saying "Oh my God, i'm so embarrassed!". He's such a big tough guy, and it just kind of helped me in my moment of weakness to know that not only was he not taking this so well, but that my pain was hard on him. We laughed about it a lot last night & I even re-enacted it for him.
The Dr. was able to painlessly remove the "tissue" during the manual internal, and sent it off to be tested for blood type (since i'm O-) and see if there was any rhyme or reason behind the miscarriage. I did still have to get the rhogam shot (in my arm) and the shot, nor the after effects hurt at all.
I have been instructed to have one more full period, and then once the second period comes we can try again. We are both sad, but better than expected. I think I cried everything I had in the office yesterday.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and to support, think about, and pray for us over the past week. Who knew the majority of my support was going to come from a board full of "internet strangers". Thank you, each and every one.
Re: BR: (F/U - Long/Graphic)
I'm so sorry again Meagan. ::hugs::
That's kinda funny that you re-created his fainting for him. I've seen a lot of big guys faint and fall like rocks before - it's a sight and a half to see!
Thank you Michelle!
He was so embarrassed. When I had to get the Rhogam shot the Dr. said "I'd prefer if you don't come in the room for this" LOL. Randomly throughout the night he just kept saying "I can't believe I fainted". Poor guy!
Oh no, porr J!! HAHA
Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. But, at least J is finding entertaining ways to help you through it. He's a keeper for sure!
Ditto what Jill said. I am sorry you had to go through this, but it's a good sign that you're able to laugh again and find something to divert your attention, even for a small time, from your sadness.
Your poor H! Fainting effs with their tough-guy cred.
I'm also ditto-ing Jill and mcd. It says a lot about your marriage that you both can make it through hard times holding on to each other and not pushing each other away.
I'm sorry for the pain you went through. I can't even imagine.
I'm glad your hubs is okay too. What a scary thing.
Zuma Zoom
Aww, poor J. Glad he's okay!
Words can't express how sorry I am that you guys are going through this. It just sucks, plain and simple. I hope you guys are able to try again soon, if you feel ready.
If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to who understands what you're going through, feel free to PM me or whatever. Also, I found the MC/PL board on the bump to be very helpful for the first two weeks, as is the TTCAL board on the bump. Sometimes it's nice to talk to people who "get it", because a lot of people just don't.
Again, I wish you guys all the best moving forward. You are lucky to have such an awesome husband to lean on. Even if he gets a little woozy.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
I'm just getting caught up on everything but wanted to express how sorry I am that you went through this. I think it's fantastic that you guys could find some humor in the situation though. Sometimes laughter really does make pain a little easier to bear.
I am wondering why your doctor couldn't give you a local anesthetic during the scraping though. That just sounds awful. I've had biopsies on my cervix and those hurt, but they were quick. For my LEEP, I had a local...I can't imagine the pain of any scraping motion without one.
Anyway, best of luck TTC -- I hope you get your sticky baby soon!
The scraping sounds awful! Why didnt they give you something?
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It really sucks. Thankfully J is okay and the two of you got a laugh out of it. At least if you're going to never forget something, you may as well have something hilarious to go with it.
Hugs to you!
Aw, I'm sorry, sweetie. I sorta saw your post the other night, but I've been in a drug-induced stupor for this stupid bacterial infection and I didn't feel right last night.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I do have to agree with all the PP about how awesome it is that you and J can hang onto each other like you do. And I agree, I think God is a prankster. He saw you in pain and figured a good fainting husband would do the trick.
Hope you guys pull through everything and can try again soon. Let us know if you need anything. {{hugs}}
Thank you all for your support and kind words. J and I both appreciated reading through them. I never really thought it said something about our marriage that we found humor in the situation, but hearing so many of you say that just makes me feel 1000x better.
BUT - Just wanted to clarify about the exam incase anyone misunderstood or has to go through this and is scared - - I didn't actually have a D&C. The Dr. was just checking to see if he saw any evidence besides bleeding, and the "tissue" was right at the beginning of my cervix. He told me before he started scraping he was going to try and see if he could just scrape it away to make the process go faster. He only scraped for about 5-10 seconds and as soon as I asked him to stop he did. He said it wasn't necessary to continue, he just wanted to do what he could to make it quicker and easier for me. Thankfully it worked because as soon as he started the manual exam the "tissue" came right out on his fingers. I wish I hadn't had to see that, but it almost gave me comfort knowing I REALLY wasn't pregnant anymore. Hopefully that clears it up for some of you who were concerned I was having minor surgery right in the office with no meds.
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison