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XP: shower/bachelorette party question
I posted this on the entertaining board too, but it's pretty slow over there, so I'll post here too and see what my local ladies think.
One of my closest friends is getting married in May. I'm not in the wedding, but they aren't having any attendants, so there's no MOH or bridesmaids. I, along with another friend, offered to host a bridal shower for her.
The bride says she's uncomfortable with
having a shower because they don't really need anything and don't want
to register for gifts. They're 35 & 38, both homeowners with fully-furnished homes, so they have everything they need. In fact, between them, they already have 2 of a lot of household items.
The co-host friend has suggested that instead of a shower, we just have a classy bachelorette party for the bride - go out to a fancy dinner, see a show, have drinks after the show, etc. An upscale girls' night out.
My first question is ... who would be responsible for covering the costs of such a bachelorette party? Aren't the host(s) responsible to pay? I didn't have a b-party, so I don't really know. I do know I'm not completely down with paying for a fancy dinner out and show tickets and drinks for a group of 15-20 people, that could get really expensive really fast.
My
co-host thinks it's fine to ask guests to pay their own way, and we can
just cover our own costs and the bride's share. But, even if that's OK etiquette wise,
my concern is that a lot of the bride's friends work for non-profits or are SAHM's
and don't make a ton of money. They're a pretty frugal group, and might
not be comfortable going to a party that could end up costing them $100
or more. Would it be rude to host that kind of party, knowing that at least some of the guests probably can't afford it?
And finally ...
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to celebrate with the
bride in a way that doesn't center around showering her with gifts she
doesn't want ... and doesn't cost the hosts & guests a ton of
money? Alternatives to showers? Or fun but more inexpensive bachelorette party options?
Mr. Sammy Dog
Re: XP: shower/bachelorette party question
I threw a bachelorette/bridal shower for a friend who was pregnant, so I tried to plan things that would make everyone happy. I hosted the shower part. Food...Drinks things like that. And I just had a lingerie shower...bring things just for her. That was a hit! We than went to dinner and Acme and everyone paid their own way for that. I didn't hear any complaints... I think most people expect it these days.
Good luck in your planning!
I think that in MN it's common to ask for bachelorette party contributions. It will be interesting to see if the national boards have a different take on it.
As for approaching the friend, I think that if you approach her in a "lets brainstorm" manner and acknowlege that her idea is a good you'll be fine. Tell her that you like her ideas but because you suspect that people might be on a limited budget, there might be a less expensive route that you could expolre together.
Instead of dinner, you could go to the melting pot and fondue dessert.
Look at firstave and see if they have any cool concerts coming up. (that's what we did)
You could do one of those strip/pole aeorbics classes
You could go to a MN winery and do a wine tasting - my boss just went to one on the St. Croix.
The Shops at West End movie theater (St Louis Park) has a bar and a private big booth area that you can rent out. You could all go see a movie together, have drinks and hang out. There are other bars around for afterward and restaurants for dinner before.
What about something like a spa outing? The SAHMs maybe don't have a ton of money, but they could see a benefit out of spending money on that, as opposed to dinner and drinks. Then they could pick the service they want.
And it's pretty common for all the guests to chip in for the bride.
Another option would be to host an evening party at your (or co-host's) home--with good food, cocktails/wine, maybe some ice breakers/activities centered around the bride-to-be (not necessarily the traditional games) to help people get to know each other, but just skip all the gift stuff. (Because honestly, the gift part is the dullest part of a shower anyway!) That way you chould change the tone of the event, but still be clearly hosting it.
I've hosted an evening bridal shower for a friend if mine, and it was so much more fun than the standard afternoon shower... the wine and cosmopolitans definitely helped!
My friends threw a super informal evening house party for my bachelorette, and one of the things they did was hire a masseuse to give chair massages during the party--that was a unique (and very relaxing) touch. We didn't do any games, but they did make a toast to me (awww!), and that would be a simple way to bring everyone together for a few minutes to honor the bride-to-be without silly games and what-not.
Instead of calling it a shower, you could use more general terms: party, celebration, etc. If guests ask you where she's registered, then you can just let them know that there is no registry, and no gifts are needed... they may bring one anyway (or a bottle of wine, etc.)
Actually, even if you play down the emphasis on gifts, regardless of what you call it, many people will likely bring small gifts to any party celebrating the bride. But if you don't call it a shower, and don't do the whole gift opening thing, at least then that won't be the emphasis, and the bride won't feel so awkward about it.
I like this idea. Maybe I'm just old (well, I am 36 so I am kind of old) and boring but I would much rather have that over a cheesy shower or crazy bachelorette party.
Is there an organization or cause that your friend supports? If people ask where she's registered, you could suggest they make a donation in her name instead of buying a physical item. It's still a gift but it might be more meaningful to her.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
Oh, I like some of these ideas! Thanks, ladies!
I think the evening party at my house would work great. We're all a little older than the average bachelorette crowd (I'm one of the younger ones who would be invited, and I'm 34), so a crazy night out at the bars isn't really our thing anymore. An in-home party would cost less than hosting everyone out at a fancy restaurant, but we can still make it "fancy" with elegant food and drinks. That way, my co-hosting friend and I can cover the costs so guests don't have to chip in, but still have it be an elegant party.
I'm going to check into the chair massage thing too.
And the charity donation is a great idea. Actually, last night my mom told me about a shower she attended recently where the guests were asked to bring household items that would be donated to a local charity. Again in that situation, the bride was older (40s) and already had a furnished house so she didn't need typical shower gifts. Instead of showering the bride with gifts, the guests showered gifts on people less fortunate in honor of the bride.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Sounds like a great plan!!! Have fun!