Sex & Romance
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No sex before marriage - any regrets?
I notice that many of you chose to wait to have sex until you were married. If you've only been married a short time, I'm sure you're probably happy with that decision? But for those that have been married awhile - do you ever think back and wish you would have indulged a little more before you got married? So that you could know what it was like to be with somebody else? So you could gain more sexual experience? I dunno, other reasons maybe? Just curious to hear your thoughts on this...
Re: No sex before marriage - any regrets?
We didn't wait until marriage, but we waited a good, long while (he wanted to wait for marriage, I was less than enthusiastic about the idea). Both of us agree that having waited as long as we did, the only thing we got out of it that people who didn't wait don't get is extra celibacy. And we both agree that we'd have rather had extra sex than extra celibacy.
I don't think either of us regret not having had more partners, though. But maybe neither of us dated anyone worth f*cking before we met, who knows.
We're coming up on 4 years of marriage (which isn't that long, but compared to some around here, I suppose it is), and I don't regret it at all. He was married before, and I'm only his 3rd total, but he has said that he doesn't regret not sleeping around either (after his divorce, we started dating almost immediately).
I will say that I somewhat regret not dating around a little more. He was my first serious BF, and really the only man I ever dated. I suppose maybe it would make me more thanful for what I have in him.
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My husband is the only guy i have ever kissed. we were high school sweethearts, and we did take it very slow, he finally kissed me 3+ months into our relationship. we didn't wait for marriage, and we have NO regrets! Our relationship has always been based on friendship, honesty, mutual respect, and love. we have been together for 11 years and 8 months (1 year 8 months married) and we have been unimaginably happy!
I'm on the other side of the fence here - my H and I did not wait for marriage and we were not each others only partner - On one hand - I wish I had waited (not necessarily until marriage) because I do wish I could say that H was my only parter - but on the other hand, having experienced other partners I can say it has given me a greater appreciation for my H in that department, not just the quality of sex, but how generous a lover he is - which hadn't always been my experience.
At the end of the day I dont lose sleep over it either way.
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Neither XH and I were virgins. We waited to have sex until we were married. I think we got used to the celibacy and he was God awful in bed.
Split 3 1/2 years later from a mostly sexless marriage.
My hubby and I decided to wait until we were married to have sex...we abstained from intercourse, but we definitely did not stay as pure as we wanted to and we really regret those slip-ups. More experience may have been helpful in knowing how to please each other better...mainly him pleasing me, but I would not have been comfortable with sex if he had had previous sexual partners. Basically we wish we had been able to avoid sexual contact before we were married.
Something I do wish I had done before I was married is experimenting with maturbation and sex toys alone so that I would have known myself and how to orgasm so I could teach him. I have felt guilty when I have tried when I was married and I think that has kept me from reaching orgasm, a problem I would not have had before I was married. I still have not had an orgasm, we have been married for 11 months now.
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Hmmmm. . . We have had partners before dating. We slept together while in a relationship and a year before we got married we abstained. (more his idea than mine) Right about now, we are so exhausted that we barely have sex so if he was my only that would really suck. But, not only are we busy but I have a fractured bone in my ankle and he is sick so yeah. . . no nookie these two weeks.
On the other hand it would have been nice because you always think about that one guy that was great in bed that you dated but kinda sucked in the relationship department.
I've been married for over 21 months now. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I his first serious girlfriend. I had dated around some, to figure out what I wanted, but I never let them kiss me. I didn't want my emotions to complicate my objectivity. When I figured out what I wanted, I didn't get involved with anyone who didn't hold those same values. We didn't have sex before we got married because we love God and honor his commandments. We did go farther than what we planned to, but we saved intercourse for after the wedding. I have never regretted it; neither has he. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else because when we have sex, whether I orgasm or not (which took a while to learn how to do together) it is beyond a physical act; it is perfection, becoming one. Learning together what works for us and knowing that this is our little world, untainted by anyone else's influence or baggage makes having sex between us a pure act.
I think when you sleep around, you lose that purity. Maybe you can learn to be as intimate, but you can't get back your virginity once you give it away. I think staying a virgin until you're married also makes things a lot less complicated.
Anyway, that's how I feel about it.
We didn't wait until we were married (still not married until May!), but we waited a year until we did it. I was a virgin and he wasn't (he's had 3 other girlfriends before me). Ultimately, I decided that I didn't want to wait anymore, and we were engaged by then and I knew I'd never be with anyone else. I don't regret my decision. If anything, I'm relieved about it because when I was back thinking about it, the wedding night just seemed like a lot of pressure to have to deal with and I didn't want to dread it and I think I would have if I didn't make this decision.
I think it was much harder on him to wait than it was for me!
I've been married over a year and DH is the only man I've slept with. I'm his third, since he had a two "relationships" when he was a teenager. I don't regret not having sex with my ex boyfriends.
I feel like sex should be something special for husband and wife. Although it is pretty unrealistic to expect both people in a marriage to be virgins (or being the other's only partner), sometimes I wish I was the only one DH has ever been with. Knowing that he has been intimate with other women, even if it was pure teenage hormone surges makes me feel like I didn't get all of him sometimes. But that's just me.
Anyway, everyone's situation is different! That's my opinion
True dat on the complications comment. I've seen DH's past cause some problems that we dealt with, but I am thankful that I didn't bring any of that into our marriage.
We are eachother's only sexual partners. We didn't wait until marriage... but we did wait for 2 years. We were young (17 when we started dating) and DH didn't want to rush into a sexual relationship- it was several months before our first kiss. We'd both had other relationships and kisses and indulged in petting and such- but it was a nice break from the insanity of our prior relationships to casually date a friend. We waited until we were 23 to get married- we've always taken things at our own pace.
I don't have any regrets now. I had flickers of regret while we were engaged, wondering if I was crazy to get married to my high school sweetheart, wondering if I'd regret the decision years down the road etc etc... but I really haven't 7 years later.
He's my best friend. We are very sexually compatible. If there's more out there than we have now, I'm not sure knowing that would be useful in any way. No regrets.
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What an assh*le thing to say to your wife. FFS, doesn't he have any friends he can confide this in?!
I just read this and was wondering why you feel you can't do these things now? You shouldn't feel guilty. (if your H is honest he's masturbating too) Your sex life will probably dramatically improve if you can figure out what feels good to you. Your husband should thank you for wanting to try to figure it out. You can try out toys together - most guys are turned on my some experimentation in the bedroom and in your case your husband hopefully would love to find something that works for you. Remember - most women don't have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation!!
I wanted to comment b/c 11 months without an orgasm sounds horrible.
Try 11 years. I've never managed to have one, and its not for lack of trying, with and without my husband.
I think that its nice to have something special that you share with your husband alone, so I'm an advocate of waiting. However, I think it should definitely be talked about in advance so you have the same expectations.
My husband and I are each others only sexual partners and I would not change that for anything. Knowing we are each others only partners makes things so much easier on both of us. We did not wait for marriage but we did stop for 8 months while we were in premarital counseling with the church before the wedding. I am really glad we took this time to not focus on sex and focus on communication in our relationship. It has made our marriage a lot better than I would have imagined in both the relationship and our sex lives as well. :]
I know we really don't qualify for me to reply to this one, (almost 6 mo.) but I just had to. This is something that is very near and dear to our hearts. We had been crazy about each other for years, and when it came to our engagement, we abstained for religious reasons, and from respect for our parents. As the day of our wedding got closer, we became more specific in our conversation in anticipation of our first time together.
Yes, it was awkward- but only at first- once the clothes started coming off, it was all pretty natural. Of course, we had both been thoroughly educated beforehand, on what to expect, etc., and I would say that in any situation that is crucial to getting off to a good start. There are several very informative books out there that deal with sex in a factual but not clinical way, and I would definitely recommend going through one together or at the same time. It helps guarantee that you will be on the same page, and also can make it more lighthearted.
Our first time (and a few after that) having sex wasn't at all picture perfect; it's definitely a learning curve. But now, we have fond and tender memories of it, and- maybe we're fogies- we often reminisce and laugh, and gratefully reflect on the very first and precious time for both of us. As for knowing what it's like to be with somebody else, all I can say is it seems that it can bring a lot of dissatisfaction. If you & your spouse have a bad sex life, you don't have to be content with that. There are lots of constructive things you can do to improve it, but wishing you were with _____, (person in the past) won't help.
All that to say that we have no regrets whatsoever. Sorry for being long-winded.