Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My Sexless Marriage
Like many of you I am currently experiencing a lack of action in the bedroom dept. I have spoke with DH about this however his reasoning... "I'm Tired." Not that everyone doesn't have the occasional I'm too tired for sex, this is a very common issue. When we first got married this wasn't an issue, however it's like the affection started overnight. FYI sex twice since October isn't healthy for marriage. I decided to to a Google search and it's called a "Sexless Marriage." Apparently this is the 2nd cause for divorce, the first being financial issues. Basically this is a result of not communicating. I'm sure you can all attest to "sweeping it under the rug" when you're dying to tell your DH what a jerk he's being, but that's how it starts. Do your own research if you may be experiencing little to no romp sessions. So ladies I'm asking for your encouraging words. DH and I will be discussing this bright and early at 8am when he gets home from work because I need a loving, affectionate husband. I want to feel loved and desirable and wanted. I need the wonderful marriage I vowed to. So ladies please.. words of wisdom to boost my confidence a little.
Re: My Sexless Marriage
There are tons of posts like this on a regular basis. It's really sad to say, but this is a really common problem (you aren?t alone). My hubby and I went through this a while ago and I was so sad about it. I dragged him to therapy and what she said made me fell a lot better. It is a very common problem, 1-3 marriages struggle with major lags in sack at times. It is something you both need to acknowledge as a problem and make a commitment to work on. She recommended the book ?Mating in Captivity? for us. I got it used on Amazon.com for $7. All in all, make sure you are communicating with DH and that you?re both on the same page! Good Luck.
Were you both virgins when you got married and/or decided to remain celebate until the wedding?
(This wasn't a problem a few generations ago when it would be common for both to be virgins on their wedding night; there were large families generated from that marriage so there wasn't an issue where there was no sex in the marriage. Somehow the playing field changed.)
More and more that plays a role. Don't get me wrong: celebacy is great if you can hack it and it's all a matter of personal choice but looks like now this is a big factor in sexually dysfunctional marriages.
Discuss this throughly and without any sugar coating and with no holds barred. He's got to ante up in the bedroom.
If this isn't a health issue -- and it doesn't sound like it is -- something else is wrong with this picture.
My DH and I were going through the same issue. I recommend a book that i read and it REALLY helped. "The Truth About,Love" by Pat Love,Ed.D.
Tell him what he's doing right while your get'in busy, and how good it makes you feel. A few words at key moments should help. Nice job on communicating!
Come onto him.
My fiance struggles a lot with this as well and is usually has problems feeling awkward making the first move. So do it yourself. I'll come up behind him while he is sitting down and give his neck a kiss or some very blatant grabbing.
It all depends on what you two are comfortable with. I like having that feeling of control between us, as usually I'm the instigator and then he jumps onboard and is just as dominating as I am. Fun fun.
I would compliment him more...! I always thank my husband for provding for us...!! or ..how great he looks in that outfit...etc...Guys like to hear sweet things just like us girls.
It makes them feel good...you want to be the one to lift them up everyday! so when your away from them ..they can't wait to be around next .bc you make him feel so good about himself....
this will become a cycle..he will start to feel good about himself , then good about you bc of how you've made him feel..and then your relationship will be great!
Lots of compliments during the act! Lot's of ummmmm you make me feel sooo good, I love it when you do that...You do me just right.... etc.
Then later in the day tell him how hot he was and how much you love what he does to you and for you. I tell my husband I will NEVER get tired of how he touches me, and his hands on my body. His touch is so good and so soft.
My hubby and I have been together almost 7 years, he and I still often say thank you after we have sex, and then the reply is always "you don't have to thank me dear, it is my pleasure to give you pleasure, and "it's my job and I enjoy my work" or usually I'm saying "oh my god that was a mind blowing orgasm, my head is spinning" which is so true. My post O time for the next minute or so is head realing. We take a little break and then I start working on his pleasure...
AND if I don't feel like having sex, I usually just do it anyway, I'm never sorry afterwards. Sometimes a person is just so exhausted sleep is the only thing in order, but a lot of times, I'm just not horny, we are awake so I just DO IT ANYWAY.
It makes him happy and when I get warmed up I enjoy myself very much too.
We always have sex on weekends each day. I'm not too good during the week at wanting sex, but lately I have been doing it during the week so we are having sex at least 3/4 times a week. It's a good compromise for a man who wants it daily.
Also I don't always feel like I can have the big O without a LOT of time and effort, so I just tell him, this is for your pleasure, please don't worry about me this time....
Communication is key and it sounds like you are on your way!