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Having a lame Saturday Night...
Alright, nesties - I'm taking a break from lurking the boards to actually write something down. Unfortunately for all of you, it's gonna be a bit whiney - I apologize in advance.
So, here's the story leading up to tonight:
Hubby and I moved to Austin 7 months ago so he could attend UT for law school, and I got an 8a - 5p job to help offset of costs of living while he's in school. While I am incredibly happy with my hubby, and would do absolutely anything for him, my life here as been less than fulfilling thus far. I get up, go to work, come home, maybe see hubby for a couple of hours in the evening when he comes home for a quick dinner (before he returns to the library for another several hours), go to bed (occasionally without him, on the nights when he is studying Late), and repeat.
As you all can imagine, this lifestyle doesn't lead to many opportunities for making friends. On occasion I tag along with him to get-togethers with his friends from the law school, but ultimately I'm always going to be an outsider at those events. And while I generally get along well enough with the girls in my office, most of them are still very much in 'single-mode' of going out to bars to dance and prowl for guys, so I hesitate to join them on the weekends out of respect for hubby.
All of which brings us to tonight. Hubby is out of town all weekend at a symposium in Charlottesville, where he is getting meet incredible people such as Justice Clarence Thomas of the US Supreme Court. In contrast, I am at home, having had half-hearted plans with the office girls fall through, watching episodes of Criminal Minds off the DVR and generally being bored out of my skull.
So, to the few, wonderful nesties who made it this far down my post, I pose this question - How does a law-school widow make friends while still respecting her hubby?
Re: Having a lame Saturday Night...
I would try to find something you like and do it just for "you".
I find that going to the gym can be very satisfying, as it's one of the few things I do that is absolutely, just for me. Cause I want to.
When I'm board, I can always look to my crazy dog that is probably begging for attention and give him a walk/to the park.
Otherwise, I do a lot of (boring) reading online and on the boards.
I'm sorry you're not loving your austin experience. This is a great city and maybe you should dedicate more time to 'exploring' what is around you.
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In addition to the Nestie get togethers, check out meetup.com. Austin has a very active meetup community and there are different groups for all sorts of activities -- book clubs, cooking clubs, hiking groups, dinner clubs or just general socializing. I've met some great people that way.
Good luck and I hope things get better for you!
I'm always looking for new friends!
Majority of mine are lame!
Good news is 1L year is almost over. It will get better after that. First year is the hardest, but then he'll learn to adjust. And don't feel like an outsider at those events when SOs are invited. MH has made some good friends through my law school buddies. We get together regularly with several couples from law school, and he does guys nights with the guys all the time (some are my law school buddies, some are the spouses). Tell him he needs to take you to more society events! Other law school widows make good friends.
Other than that, the PPs have given some great suggestions. Hang in there!
Oh, and volunteering is always a good outlet for your time and maybe to meet some new people.
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Thanks for the great responses you guys - I'm already feeling a bit better
The Nesties GTG sound like fun - How would I go about getting involved with the North one? Is there an email list I can sign up for or something?
I hadn't heard of Meetup before, but I'll definitely have to check out what they have to offer! There are also workout classes offered by my apartment complex that I attend on occasion, although all too often they conflict with the little time I get to see MH in the evening or I'm just too tired to make it happen
MH does take me to some law school stuff, but 'interview season' for 1L summer internships has been in full swing for him, so there's not as much socializing going on at the moment. Maybe once he gets past this current busy stretch I can try to encourage us both going out a bit more
ditto getting to know some of us. when we moved to austin 4 years ago, i knew zero people. zip. just about every single one of my friends, i have met on from the nest/ the bump.
we have bookclub every six weeks or so and it's a great way to meet people (plus, we always have quite the spread of food- bonus). if you're interested in joining, page Firechiefsbride and she'll get you on the evite. The next book is called Room (reading it is totally optional
). The other cool think about bookclub is that it doesn't start until 7:00- so it sounds like your DH would be back at the library during that time, anyway.
My email is white.emilia <at> gmail <dot> com - Bummer that I just missed the February GTG, but add me to the list and I'll definitely try to make it to the next one
It's interesting that church was mentioned, because part of why I'm in this quandary in the first place is that my initial plan when we moved here was to get involved with a church as a primary source of support and community. However, DH and I have not made church a priority recently (for various reasons, some better than others) so that plan has gone by the wayside for the time being.
Where are some good places to volunteer in Austin? I could certainly see that being a great option on weekends, since it's something that DH might even get in on. I've looked into the cooking classes (both DH and I are wannabe foodies), but they can get kinda pricey. Maybe that could be something to save towards
Many thanks for all of your amazing suggestions - You all are so kind to take the time to help!
EDIT: Mcurban - I already took your advice and sent a message to Firechiefs bride, introducing myself and asking to be added to the book club list
Hello and welcome!
I know how hard it is to meet people in a new town. DH has tons of friends here but the people that I work with aren't really my age or are at different times in their lives. Ditto the pp who suggested GTGs. Lately, I haven't been able to make any but in the past I have and they're always fun.
I also agree that you should do some exploring even if it's on your own. DH and I work different schedules so sometimes I do this and even though it would be fun with a friend, I still have a good time. There's always something to do in Austin.
I hope that you start having a better time.
Hello and welcome!! I don't really have anything to add since the other ladies have pretty much covered it. You should definitely join us for the north GTGs! All the ladies I've met off the board are super nice and fun to hang out with.
WELCOME!!! This is a great place to fill time... aka waste time.
For volunteering, I am a mentor with AISD and meet once a week with a first grader for about an hour. And I love it. We either read, go over her homework, just talk, what ever she needs that week. She brings so much to my life.
Other volunteer ideas; pet shelter, womens shelter, or a local community ministry. The ministry would allow you to get invovled with various area churches to see if there is something you and your DH would like to get into. I know our church is invovled with several Austin area churches for city wide ministry. Id be happy to send you in the right direction if you would like that info. findyourwayhomeinaustin at gmail dot com.
Alone time. I have alot of it. DH works two jobs, and doesnt get home till 9 each evening and works every other saturday. I had a horrible time with it in the begining. But what has helped me the most is scheduling out the entire day. So schedule the time you want to spend with DH at home then figure out ways to fill the time. Craft projects, errands, gym, etc. But with that said Ive gotten to the point that even if I know DH is going to be home at a certain time I wont hurry home to be with him the whole three hours. Because I still have to do what I like, and not be there at his every whim. Not that he expects me too, I just think I had that frame of mind that I needed to be there just because he was. KWIM? Im babbling, sorry. But I totally understand your pains.. Id be happy to chat with you if you would like.
Wow. I just cannot get over how amazing you ladies are! After months of being increasingly bummed out about this situation, Whammo! Turns out there's a whole crew of incredible women practically sitting on my doorstep and telling me just to open the darn door already
The lists for GTG and book club official have my name on them, and I'm planning on starting to read 'Room' tomorrow on my lunch break
With so many ideas for exploring the city and finding ways to get involved, I'm actually excited to be in Austin and have the opportunity to find out what this crazy place has to offer.
DH is still down at the law library (after getting home from the airport at 12:45a this morning. ugh.), but that's okay. Turns out I'm busy getting to know some pretty great ladies anyhow