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Being a good sister in-law
I have two sister in laws, both Matt's sisters. One is making me a bit worried, though.
She moved to SC to go to college, and her boyfriend moved there for work. I don't know who chose what, but obviously one of them followed the other out there.
She flew back to my in-laws house for Christmas, and DH and I went there also. While she was there, her cell phone was constantly ringing. She would get on the phone and sound obviously annoyed, giving one word short and curt answers, followed by a muffled "kloveyoubye". She sounded the way I used to talk to my mother when I was 15, hahaha.
After almost a week of this I finally whispered to her older sister, "Is that her bf?". She whispered back, "yep. He can't handle being alone, and gets angry when she doesn't call him every two hours". Red flags.
This guy is adored by my MIL. She's a nurse, and this boyfriend is a brand new paramedic. He is incredibly stressed out, obviously. Too young to have moved so far away from home and started such a stressful job, if you ask me. But he is not my worry. My SIL is my worry. I don't think my MIL is aware of his stress and the demands he's making on my SIL.
And now on facebook, I keep seeing these photos of them playing house. He's rented a house, and she sets the table, they cook together and bbq. He bought a cat for her, but apparently she still lives in res at her college. She mentioned to us how scared she is at night sometimes in that neighbourhood. She wasn't insinuating that she sleeps over there, but rather she said she has to be there when her bf gets home cause he needs her. (but obviously they're sleeping together, but that's not the issue). I said to her, "If you're scared, you don't need to be there. Worry about yourself, first, and him later.". She just nodded.
She's 18. Has fantastic grades (made the dean's list). Should I be worried, though? Should I get Matt to talk to his mum?
Re: Being a good sister in-law
I agree with rrcola1981. The constant calling and level of neediness is very concerning. From my own experience, my BFF's first boyfriend was just like this and he eventually got to the point that he didn't trust her to go out without him and it ended with him splitting her lip in an argument before she broke it off.
The playing house part doesn't concern me so much, but the unsafe neighborhood and his attitude toward her raises flags for me.
Thanks for your responses. I guess I'm worried that he may be obsessed with her. I dated a needy/obsessive boyfriend when I was around her age, and he turned abusive and into a stalker. I kept telling myself I was in control of the situation, and never went to my friends or family for help. I'm worried the same thing will happen to her, especially since her mum is so taken with him.
The playing house thing, was just a vent of mine cause I think it's inappropriate for an 18 year old to be doing so. It is pretty much irrelevant to the rest of my actual concerns. I was just venting.
I talked to Matt about my worries, and he doesn't seem to care. So I'm just going to leave things unless I can see that they're getting worse. Then I'll probably get Matt to talk to his sister.
My experience with my BFF was that it didn't matter that none of her friends and family liked him and all thought he was emotionally abusive and needy and controlling. She refused to hear it. They broke up, they got back together, rinse and repeat. It took over a year and a half and him busting her lip before she finally saw him for what he really was.
It is definitely something that should be left up to Matt to discuss with her, because she probably will be less willing to hear it from you. Just don't let her boyfriend cause her to push you and your family away, because that is often what happens in abusive situations and could leave her in a very vulnerable situation, especially with her so far away.
Good luck and I hope it just turns out that he's a nice guy who likes to talk to her a lot and not anything like what we are fearing.