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How do you know you're "in love"?
V and I have been discussing this because we just found out this weekend that one of our married couple friends have separated.
They were together for 7-8 years, married for 2, and seemed happy. They got along pretty well and we never really saw them fight (though you never know, of course). They're both really great people and from what I gather, I don't think there was any cheating going on. But they led very independent lives and I think that they just realized that they had grown apart... maybe they were very good friends but not "in love," or life partners for each other.
V and I know that we're absolutely best friends, we enjoy each other's company a lot, and we are just generally very good life partners for each other. We're used to each other. We do enjoy being physically intimate and find each other physically attractive. But, are we "in love" or just um, "exclusive friends with benefits"? (Ha, that sounds weird.) Or are those the same?
So, how do you know that you're "in love" with your DH?
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
Re: How do you know you're "in love"?
I might be flame-worthy here, but it kind of infuriates me when people of our generation divorce because they "just aren't feeling it anymore." (No offense to your friends, Ringy... We have friends who have done the same thing.)
I think the definition of being "in love" evolves over time. No relationship will ever sweep you off your feet every single day and be unicorns and sunshine all the time.
To us, the vow we made was literally laying all our cards on the table. I understand that divorce is necessary in some instances (both of our mothers were divorced with kids prior to marrying our dads... our dads were divorced with no kids.) To me, though, the "just not in love anymore" seems like a cop-out.
That being said, I don't know what being "in love" means to anyone else, but to me, it's having faith in our relationship... In knowing that no matter what happens, we're going to lay everything out there before we go to bed each night and make sure that we are still playing for the same team, and if not, we find a way to get there.
I'm not really sure if this rambling makes sense, but from what you listed, Ringy, I'd say you're doing alright!
This is a really interesting question. For me, "in love" goes beyond that heady, wonderful period when you're first dating. It became a pretty deep love that encompassed everything--our strengths and weaknesses, the way we communicate, how we connect physically, the way we can read each other and the way we love knowing that the other is there. Loving him is knowing I can support him, that I can talk to him about anything, that I can fight with him and know that in the end we'll work together to communicate better. It's also showing him appreciation and respect (and vice versa). It's about accepting each other as we are.
I know I love him and am in love with him because I connect with him in a way that I have never felt with anyone else. And the thing is, it was almost instant, that connection. And not even long-distance or the shock of being thrown together again could shake it for long.
On a cheesy note, though, my heart still leaps when I see him after work. Instant smiles for the both of us. It'll be nine years at the end of March and I'm still giddy.
I want to add that one thing that's different about my relationship with V from anyone else is that I allow myself to be vulnerable. With the rest of the world (even my family), I have an ego and I guard it carefully.
Not to say that that defines being in love either, but it takes a lot of trust to do that, and I think that level of trust is one big component.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
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It's not just that you can't picture yourself with someone else, but that you can't imagine yourself without them either. Every time I think about what I would do without Jim, it's just devestating.
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Cycle 12, IUI #1 - 33m post wash 10/15/10 = BFN
Cycle 13, IUI #2 - 15m post wash 11/16/10 = BFP, missed m/c, D&C 1/3/11
Cycle 15 - 18, IUI #3-6 = BFN
Cycle 20, IUI #7 = BFP!, missed m/c 9/14, D&C
DE-IVF Aug. 2012: ER 8/30 11R, 7M, 4F; ET 9/4 returned 2
Beta 9/18 #1-820, #2-1699, #3-7124
10/1 1st u/s measuring right on track, 125 bpm