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Just wondering if there are others (re: DH's work)
Notwithstanding business travel, DH's job has him out of the house for nearly all of my kids' awake time M-F. This morning, he didn't leave for work until almost 10am, but he had been on a teleconferenced meeting since before Shannon woke up. It was a quick hug and kiss for me and the kids and he was out the door. It's now 7pm, and he's not home yet. If I'm lucky, he'll be home in time to give the kids a kiss goodnight. He has about an hour commute to and from work, when there's no traffic.
This is the norm for us.
And as for the other post about how much parenting your DH does... I had a few comments that I wanted to make (in addition to the many I already did) but I refrained, because my DH's work situation colors my answers. I always talk to my husband well in advance of my appointments or evening excursions because I need to make sure he'll even be home! He's not babysitting. But, I give him as much advance notice as I would do when lining up an outside babysitter! He's no less of a father for not doing (or being able to do) the day-to-day routines, or letting me go "off duty" so-to-speak when he walks in the door.
This weekend, Shannon looked at DH and commented, "Dad, you're visiting us at our house!" DH's response was, "Yes, it's so nice to be home with you!" Broke my heart, and his.
I know I'm very fortunate that his job can financially support our family without me needing to work outside the home. And, for that, I am not complaining. And, really, I rarely mention when DH is away and I'm a "single parent" or when he's out later than usual. But, some of the comments in the other post got me to thinking... and I just wanted to put it out there and see if there are any others like me.
I may delete later.
Re: Just wondering if there are others (re: DH's work)
i could have written this post myself alicia... right down to the comment shannon made. i dont think my situation is "the norm" so when reading other resposes i had to keep that in mind.
i was interested to see if there was anyone else in the same boat as me, and i did not get that feeling by reading most of the responses.
Situations like yours are so hard. Because you just know that Daddy would much rather be home. A lot of times Dan has to work very long shifts for work (he has maintenance windows that often times run until 4 or 5 in the morning, then of course he needs to sleep). In fact, our Prudence vaca he had to work for 2 full days of it. It sucked.
I'm very fortunate that Dan doesn't have to travel for work. But in this type of situation, no one would blame Dad for not being available to help Mommy out, ya know? Like I said, if anything, I bet they're wishing they were there TO help out.
HUGS!
I'm like you. I wanted to say more in the other post, but didn't b/c I can't always get back.
DH doesn't babysit our kids. Out of respect, we give each other notice when we want to go out/run errands solo, or make appointments. I'm lucky that I get him home for about 4 days at a time, but he's also gone or asleep for 4 days at a time. He went to work Saturday morning and came home last night - J told him "I meesssttt you, Daddy!" and that was tough. She usually doesn't mind him being gone b/c she gets a lot of quality time when he's home, so I think it's also b/c she got into some trouble for climbing bookshelves & standing on the dining room table.
N's appointments run all day, an 11am cardi appt means I have to be out by 9:30 (if I plan to valet, 9 if I'm planning to park in the garage -- it takes an hr to get there and at least 10 minutes to check in), at least 30 minutes for her initial exam, an hour - 90minutes for her echo, another 45 minutes to go over everything and schedule the next appointment and get the car, and another hour to get home.
and I've got more to say, but N is screaming so I've got to go.
I understand what you ladies are saying about the dads who don't care. DH definitely does not fall into that category. However, a friend of mine's ex was like that. I witnessed it first hand years ago. While she was away on a business trip, I drove out and babysat their kids every day while he went to work. I came in one morning, and the baby had the most awful diaper rash I've ever seen. I asked the older one if she had helped her daddy to change the baby's diaper. She told me matter-of-factly that, "Daddy didn't change her." After that, I made sure to get there even earlier and left later, helping him to put the girls down for the night before heading home.
It was this former-friend who made DH comment (years before we'd even thought about children) that if DH ever got so engrossed in a game or otherwise was neglecting our children for me to kick him in the nads. DH and I were both disgusted with watching a great guy turn into a deadbeat dad. It's never gotten to the point where the "family jewels" were in jeopardy of a swift kick from yours truly. Thank god!
There are moments, especially on weekends, that I wish DH would do more. But, he physically can't. After only a half hour on his feet, his back is aching and he needs to either sit or lie down. The longest stretches he has being "interactive" one-on-one with the kids (at their young ages) is when Kyle falls asleep on him while Shannon is watching a movie. And, his back is only going to get worse. He's in a catch-22 about it. No matter what he does, it hurts. Therapy, exercise... nothing helps.
I will be going back to not advertising any of the truly personal stuff in my life. But, I'm glad I asked this question. I'm not going to delete.
Oh, and for those who may have been wondering... my DH *just* made it home in time to kiss Shannon. I was already onto her last song before she goes to sleep. And, he had a craptastic day. At least it ended well.
My husband usually leaves before the kids are up, and only makes it home to see Maddy if he catches the "early" train home so he gets home just before 7pm. Ben is up then but not always Maddy. It sucks. It's the nature of where we life, commuting, and our jobs. I guess I figured that was fairly normal in some sense, since lots of people work long hours. He travels a ton and I do whine about it b/c I hate it. I hate doing both bedtimes alone - trying to keep a rambunctious toddler quiet while I put the infant down to sleep, trying to find time to eat when the infant is teething and has to be held and I had to spend nap time working and not preparing dinner. Yep, I whine about it b/c I hate it. When he's here, he's fabulous. He's just not always here.
"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." - Alex & Ani bracelet
My blog: Dodging Acorns