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More advice needed (same topic)
So I decided not to attend my friend's bridal shower on the day I'm getting May's 6 month pictures done. (If you missed the post, it is a come and go shower 2 hours away, put on by her family.)
How do I approach this with the bride, taking these factors into consideration:
1) I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding
2) She drove an hour to my come and go baby shower thrown by family
3) When I told her I might have to take a two hour break from her bachelorette party (which is an all day affair, complete with mini golf, lunch, mani/pedis, shopping, a movie, dinner, and a slumber party because her MOH is 16) to attend my nephews' birthday party, she told me she couldn't spare for me an hour during the festivities so either we would have to change the b-party or ask my SIL to change the boys' party.
4) She just kicked one of the other bridesmaids out of the wedding Friday, three months before the wedding.
She pretends to be easygoing but is actually going a teensy bit psycho. Thoughts?
Re: More advice needed (same topic)
I don't think there's anything teensy about that amount of psycho.
Didn't she already tell you not to worry about it? I think you just tell her you won't be able to make it because of the drive and family obligations. End of story. If she kicks you out, then she wasn't that good of a friend in the first place.
Okay, easier said than done, but you get my point.
I agree.
"Oh man, I'm so sorry I can't make your shower. It really sucks, but I've got way too much going on, and four hours of driving when I've got the baby is just too crazy. Wish I could."
And if you get booted, you get booted. Or if she goes crazy, just don't try to rationalize with her. Don't engage her.
"Sorry, can't do it," is the repeat answer to anything she can come up with.
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This, I love. I think it's hilarious (and sad) that crazy brides have to be treated this way, like some sort of wild dog or psychopath. I don't remember being like that. My MIL was, though.
Thanks gals...I really don't think she'll go crazy but I've been wrong before.
In fairness to her, the bridesmaid situation was a mutual agreement...she was supposed to be in this girl's wedding too and they were clashing because their weddings were going to be so different and they kept judging each other. My friend thought the other girl was bragging and the other girl kept trying to push my friend to do "more more more."
How does this sound?
So I am scheduling May's 6 month pictures with Carisa and it's looking like the best date for her is the day of your shower. I'm not so sure about having her in the car for 4 hours RT and trying to have her to be fresh for pics...would you give me a pass if we went to lunch and I gave you your gift another day?
I'm kind of thinking that maybe you shouldn't even bring up the pictures. Just tell her it's a family situation. Then she can come back and say "but my shower has has been planned forever! How could you schedule it on the same day!?!" Then the psycho might throw you out. Unless that's what you want at this point.
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I totally 100% agree w/ Meghann and Larissa.
I actually think I would say something like...
I've had May's 6 month pictures scheduled for a while and it happens to be on the date of your shower. It's too much for May to have a shower, pictures, plus 4 hours in a car all in one day.
I would love to take you for lunch so I can give you your gift and spend some quality time with you soon though. I feel badly for missing your shower, I am just not able to attend that day.
_____________
And as to her kicking people out...again, agree w/ Meghann/Larissa. Good luck!!
Thought about that, she would know I was lying though since I already told her I had the date on my calendar.
We talk every day so being vague would tip her off.
As crazy as she is, I love her to death, and we're very close.
I think it sounds fine. Hopefully she won't get crazycakes about it.
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I TOTALLY agree with this. Don't bring up the pictures-just say you are unable to make it out htat day and leave it at that.
I totally respect this, but based on the dynamics of our relationship I chose to use my original phrasing. It went well. I can see the point of not asking and if it had been a bigger situation I would have taken a no-nonsense approach, but I had a feeling it wouldn't come down to that. If it had, I would have switched to hard-ass mode.
Thanks for the advice everybody!
Oh good! Glad she took it well:)!
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