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Dss's mom arrested/evicted/etc.
My husband and I have been raising my stepson for the past 6 years. His mom was in and out of the picture (mostly out) with a boyfriend that was verbally and emotionally abusive to SS. We moved out of the area, and SS hasn't seen his mom in nearly two years now (though we constantly offer visitation, she never takes it).
She was ordered to pay CS but never kept up on her payments, and has now fallen so far behind that she was finally arrested on Sunday. She's still in jail as far as I know. She is also being evicted from her apartment. I honestly wouldn't care about any of this,(she has been so awful to SS and our entire family), except that she has a daughter living with her (SS's half-sister).
I feel really awful for this girl. She used to spend a lot of time with us, and we all love and care about her. It's certainly not her fault that her mom is irresponsible. I suppose I'm just venting, but any advice would be welcome. Is there anything we could/should do for her?
Re: Dss's mom arrested/evicted/etc.
Her mom won't even agree to let me adopt SS, though I've been his sole mother figure for years now. I seriously doubt that she'd even consider allowing us to visit her daughter, let alone adopt her. I do sincerely hope that someone is taking care of her right now. I don't think there's any family in her area, so it's possible that she's in temporary foster care - which makes me incredibly sad.
Yes, if you contact child protective services, you can make yourselves a resource as a kinship foster home. She may have a grandmother or other relative who has steppeded-up for guardianship or foster care, but if not you would be considered. The mother need not agree either, the state would be looking at the "best interest" of the child, not what's in mom's best interest. And being placed with a half-sibling would be in the child's best interest. If you are in a different state, it will be more difficult to get an out-of-state-compact, but not impossible.
If you wanted to get involved.
I would do whatever we could for her. I'll talk to DH tonight and see what he wants to do.
I don't expect that her mom will be in jail for much longer, so I don't know how long this situation will last. She likely won't have a stable place to live, but being poor isn't grounds enough to usurp custody, so I'm trying to be very conservative in how we interject in this situation.
Good luck.
I have heard that often DYFS tries to keep families / siblings together. You might have to qualify as a foster parent (which might take time), but ask if you can take in DSS's 1/2sis.
To be accurate, she's in the county jail. She was just arrested on Sunday. I have no idea who is watching her, which is why I'm so concerned.
They might say that there is some kind of conflict of interest because the mother was arrested for not giving you money and therefore you shouldn't be able to take care of her daughter. I don't know. But I could see that being an argument.
But, I would have your DH call because he has a connection with the mother whereas you are just her son's father's wife.. KWIM? And be prepared to make a lot of phone calls. There can be a lot of red tape and they're not great about returning phone calls.
Etsy shop
Contact whomever the police suggest about how to get this little girl in your home if the girl's father is unable or unwilling. If the girl's father is going to take care of her, start building a relationship with him for your SS sake - and make getting the two kids together a priority.
Edited to add: I agree with the above poster - your husband would be a better representative of your family for the reunification of these two children, whether it be with government officials or the little girl's father.
The mom either doesn't know who her father is, or won't say for whatever reason. At any rate, she's had two men DNA tested and neither of them were the father.
She has been released from jail and is now back at home with SS's half-sister. I don't know whether she paid the child support or not, but I do foresee that this pattern will probably continue. I think she may have left her daughter with her new boyfriend, someone she hardly knows. Fantastic.
If this becomes a chronic issue, I'll encourage DH to pursue it. As it stands, we don't have any right to request placement or custody since her mom is back.
If anyone has any other thoughts about this situation, I'm very interested.
Well, you could still go through the process of becoming a certified foster parent, so if the time comes the process of taking temporary custody of the little girl will be smoother.
I would still try to encourage a relationship between SS and his half-sister. Try something like, "SS and I are going to Chuck-e-Cheese (or whatever age-appropriate place there is) to celebrate SS's A on his spelling test/Arbor Day/birthday and we would love it if his sister could join us."
Keeping it in public places like restaurants or parks will be key at first. Then, once the kids have a relationship, you can move to inviting them over or letting SS go there (if you're comfortable with it. Don't know that I would be, but maybe a supervised visit wouldn't be that bad.).
GL!
Etsy shop
Ugh - what an ugly situation for the little girl.
You know, I wouldn't allow for a bad situation to get worse - if only for the security of the child.
I've personally seen one situation in which a divorced parent who had a "habit" of ending up in jail through "no fault" of their own {roll eyes} and was facing additional legal troubles over non-payment of support actually *agree* to signing over rights of the child for *adoption* by the step parent when the other parent suggested it. *Both* lawyers in that case guffawed and did the little societal dance about how this wasn't right...but in the end the father agreed, in essence, to sell his child. Now, this winner of a mother might not go so far as to agree to all that, but she might be willing to sign over primary custody of the child to your husband if you guys can strike a deal while the iron is hot. That way your SS and his sibling aren't doomed to living like this - you guys would be blessing the socks off this little girl and gifting your son a more completed family by incorporating his sister into your household. It's a lot to ask, grant it, and I don't know if it *can* be done (it certainly can't be forced, the mother would have to be willing) - but if it can be done, you'll be better off blending your families now than when things become more chronic.
Here's the rest of the situation for those who have taken the time to respond (thanks for that).
My husband and I have five children between us. My two oldest daughters are from a previous marriage, and their father passed away last year. We have two daughters together, and of course my stepson from DH's previous marriage.
SS's mom has been combative and unreasonable since the first day I met her. The second time we ever spoke on the phone, she threatened to have him arrested for adultery. They were still legally married, but she had been living with her boyfriend for over a year at the time, so her threat was pretty ridiculous.
Since then, she's caused us all kinds of trouble. She used to call the police to come to our home for "well-checks" on SS, just for spite. It was really embarrassing, and pointless, since she knew he was being properly cared for.
DH married his ex while she was pregnant with SS's half-sister. He knew the baby wasn't his, but he felt compelled to take care of her. He was the only father she knew, but when DH and his ex split up, she took her daughter and he took their son. The kids used to be very close, but when DH's ex started denying him visitation with her daughter and refused to visit with her son, they never got to see each other.
We're living about six hours away from them now. We're not even allowed to speak with SS's half-sister on the phone, let alone see her. SS gets to speak with her occasionally.
DH's ex is crazy. Like, pathological. I won't even go into it, but I wouldn't trust her to raise my worst enemy's child. Even so, I am very cautious about making statements regarding custody, etc. My husband and I have no legal rights to her daughter. He is not her biological father, and she made certain that this was recognized in court when they divorced.