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A minor thing that's been bugging me...
Remember at this time about 9 months ago when we were driving ourselves crazy writing thank you notes? I hated doing them but pushed to get them out by the 3 month mark like the etiquette books say. I actually felt bad that I didn't get them out sooner, but my handwriting is awful and if I did more than a few at a time they were illegible.
A close friend of mine got married 6 months ago. She's made a couple comments to me that she has a year to get her notes done, and the other day on FB her status was that she's been married 6 months, so she only has another 6 months to do her thank yous. Meanwhile, since we're close a few people have asked me what's up with her thank you notes, why they haven't gotten them, and at least one person put something on her page a couple months ago asking whether she'd gotten their gift (hint, hint). I have at least one friend who's really irritated because they gave a very generous gift that was never acknowledged.
Another friend of mine sent hers out at the 1 year mark exactly. DH and I actually cracked up when we got it because it was so ridiculous at that point. We got married 6 months after her and got ours sent out months before her.
I would never say anything to my friend, she has a really stressful job/life and I don't need to add to that. But, really, taking a year to send thank you notes?? Who even wants that hanging over their head? Has anyone heard/read anything that says you have up to a year?
Re: A minor thing that's been bugging me...
Technically speaking I think you do have a year but I think waiting that long is absurd. I was like you & had mine out within 3 months. I think it's bad not to acknowledge the gift as soon as possible. I had one person that mailed us a gift (it was a gift card) but we never got it. She asked my MIL about it & both hubby & I don't remember getting it. I feel terrible that she thinks I didn't write her a thank you note but I'm certain we never got it b/c I saved all of the wedding cards & letters.
I'd be a little miffed if I hadn't gotten one by now too. The way I look at it is that the bride & groom had the time to invite their guests & the guests spent their time (& money) getting them a gift the least that the reciptient can do is take the time to write a quick note.
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I was such a stickler for getting mine out as quick as we could! I think I had mine done between 2-3 months. Plus I HATED coming home and seeing them sitting on the table taunting me.
I do feel bad though 3 of DH's family didn't get notes cause he never got their addresses. UGH I keep bothering him to get on it every once and a while. (2 of them are cousins under 23 and their siblings and parents got them but they don't all live in the same place I should just send them to the parents!!)
I don't even know what the etiquette rules are, but I just sent them out as early as humanly possible. They were in the mail within a week after I picked them up from the photographer. It was sometime in July that they went out, so about 3 months later. I think waiting a year is too long...
I had 2 guests send me gifts about a month AFTER the wedding (oh, and they CAME to the reception) and they still got their thank you's on time.
Err... yeah. DH and I just sent out our last bunch on Monday (well, we have 7 left which will go out this week). It was in no way our intention to take this long to get them all done (and we said as much in all of these latest notes), and I have hated having them hang over my head... tried to get DH to help motivate me/us, but he's as bad a procrastinator as I am. I have to admit that moving in August, and then my getting pregnant right after, did not help us, as I have felt sick and brain dead most evenings, and the perfectionist in me wanted to custom write each thank you, so I kind of kept waiting for when I would feel better, but that just hasn't happened. So I knew I just had to buckle down and make it happen.
And, the thing that has bugged me most of all is that now my mom and cousin are planning a baby shower for me, and that was the last straw. There is no way I would have been comfortable accepting more gifts from many of the same people without having acknowledged the previous ones. DH and I made sure to get notes out to all the non-family wedding guests long ago, especially people we see frequently, so the folks who we just mailed to are those who, we hope, are going to be most understanding about the delay. Well, I guess we'll see.
I know of one person (my MoH) who kept saying we have a year to write our thank you notes, and that always seemed wrong to me. But here I am actually glad that maybe out there some of our other guests might be thinking the same way. Still, this is not how I wanted it all to play out. I'm just SO glad it's finally all over with!
photo by Scott Metzger
kikijbird ~ Erica (aka Kiki) & Paul ~ 24 April 2010
The JBirds Bio ~ Updated 03.02.10 - Invites!
Let me think...I know I got my TYN's out to our guests by mid-summer (married on 4/24), if I remember correctly, it was between late June and July. I was really bothered, and it did feel like I had something hanging over my head.
On a girls getaway with two of my besties from HS later in the spring, I mentioned this to them and one (who had just gotten married the previous summer), was like, "don't stress out! You have a year - relax!" That made me feel particularly better, since she and her husband had given us the most generous cash gift out of all of our guests - even we were shocked at the amount.
Like a couple of the other girls, I still have a few that need to go out - I ran out of the custom cards that I had made and some guests who couldn't make the wedding still sent gifts afterwards - we got one check just a month ago!
So, like Kiki - I am happy to invoke the mysterious "One year rule" for those foks - I ordered a few more cards recently, and I hope that when they receive them within the next couple of weeks, they will still appreciate the sentiment :-)
We got out TYN's out first thing when we got back from our honeymoon, but only because I hate having something on my to do list. In my personal opinion I think saying thank you in person works just the same. If I know someone has received my gift and they have acknowledged it, then I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't receive a TYN. But at the same time I know TYN's are really important to some people, which is why I think it is still important to send them out. DH's family is BIG on thank you cards, we get them for everything!! Christmas gifts, birthday cards, and even random it was nice to see you cards. I always feel like such a slacker because sometimes it doesn't even occur to me to send a card before we get one...
Heh, I am just hoping that our guests aren't too badly offended that we sent the thank you notes this late. I guess I'm hoping at this point that they'd prefer late over never. I'm not at all proud of having taken this long, I'm just glad that, eventually, we got it done. And I guess that was my point in admitting such an embarrassing thing -- I figured there might be others out there in a similar situation, and I'd advocate for finishing the task rather than giving up, even at this late date.
::goes back into hiding::
photo by Scott Metzger
kikijbird ~ Erica (aka Kiki) & Paul ~ 24 April 2010
The JBirds Bio ~ Updated 03.02.10 - Invites!