Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
seriously delusional control freak
Bro has been calling and calling and calling all week long. I finally talked to him yesterday and he was calling to "discuss" my mother's headstone being placed by Memorial Day.
He rambles on about how my aunt mentioned planting flowers by my mother's grave and he told her *he'd have* to make an executive decision about that and he'd get back to her. Ugh, seriously control freak much?
Re: seriously delusional control freak
Sorry about your mom.
I could bring flowers to your mom's grave if I wanted to. He cannot tell your aunt (your mom's sister, presumably) that she cannot bring flowers to her sisters grave. I know it's annoying but everyone should just ignore what he says and do what they want anyway.
Was he always like this or is this behavior a result of the stress associated with the loss of your mom?
My brother was a complete control freak throughout her whole illness. When she first got sick, she signed a quick health care proxy naming him. That "power" went straight to his head--"banning" people from her hospital room, returning cards/letters to people that angered him, and staying in her room nearly round the clock so no one could visit with her alone. Before she really went downhill, her lawyer drew up paperwork she wanted naming me her health care proxy and he threw a fit. Conveniently, whenever the lawyer went to her hospital room to get her to sign, she was too drugged.
It was absurd, but given how quickly she passed, no one really said anything to him except for me when he tried to dictate when I was going to see her. I told him if I heard him say, "Well, I'm the health care proxy" I was going to slap him. He kept her on the vent/feeding tube far beyond when she would have passed away. I hold a lot of anger towards him because she was in pain that whole time because he wouldn't let go.
Sorry, whew, that was a much longer response than I had planned.
Ok, now I remember the back story. I am so sorry to hear how all this mess went down. I would make sure to put as many flowers as I wanted.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am really sorry that you have to deal with your brother....
I can't believe he told your aunt HE would have to make the decision about flowers. I wonder if he knows how much of an A$$ he sounds like. Seriously.... just ignore him. Bring as many flowers as you want and you should tell your mom's sister to do the same.
As far as planting flowers... depending on where you laid her to rest... some cemeteries will not allow you to plant flowers on the grave. But you can certainly ask..... if they do allow you too. I would wait a couple of months and then you and your mom's sister can go out there and do it.... and don't tell your brother.
And after all the Estate stuff is finalized... I would take a little "vacation" from brother.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Also, I agree with Sara - as soon as you're able to, you should take a 'vacation' from your brother.
I'm really sorry to hear this.
I agree with Sara and would be taking a nice, long break from brother. Maybe if he were to approach you to ask why you could have a non-confrontational conversation about how he acted and who he owes apologies to. If your mom had any idea how he was acting....
Good luck with everything.
Thank you. He lives about 3 hours away from me, and trust me, it's not far enough!
His actions aren't that out of the ordinary for a grieving family member. Since she was your mom too, maybe you can be a catalyst to calming him down and reasoning with him? You are definitely the closest to understanding how he feels. Your mother can't speak for herself(though I doubt there was someone she didn't want to go see her, or give her flowers on her headstone).