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Sex offender
I just found out my team leader for one of my clients is on the sex offender list.
His court docket is 18 pages long. He was charged with a crap load of stuff.
Lure Child Into Motor Vehicle , Statutory Sexual Assault, IDSI Forcible Compulsion, Voluntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse, Aggravated Indecent Assault, Asslt-W/O Cons Of Other, Corruption Of Minors, Induce Minor Buy Liquor/Malt Bev, Unlawful Contact/Communication With Minor
This is the guy who I report to on this project.
The other guys on my team are pretty pissed.
I'm not pissed or afraid of the guy now. He's 5 years younger than I am. Not sure what to think. I think I'm in shock a little.
You never know with these things. You always hear horror stories about parents who get angry at some guy their daughter is dating and get him arrested. The bad news is we know the girl was 15 at the time. He was 23.
Am I being dumb and naive? he seems so polite and respectful.
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
Re: Sex offender
ok so he was 23 and she was 15? creepy yes. but i think probably not as bad as it could have been--when i was 15 i lost my vcard to a guy who was turning 21. it was MY choice. i thought i loved him, he was my BF, etc. i didnt drink at the time, but most 15 year olds do, and i can imagine if i did, i would ask my bf to get it for me. my guess is he was dating her, slept with her, bought her booze, etc. and that a lot of the charges are stemming from that. although there are some other things in there that stand out--luring someone into the car, IDSI focible compulsion, aggravated indecent assault, etc.
back to my older bf--after i broke up with him, he went pretty crazy and stalked me, abused me, etc. for YEARS and perhaps that is something that happened here? a lot of older men like these young girls because they have control over them (not even in a bad way, but the girlfriend is looking up to this guy and thinking "i have this hot older man! i am so lucky!" and the guy loves that feeling) and when they lose the younger gf, they lose their shitz a little...?
again, regarding older BF, while in the relationship with him, he was sexually assaulting me and emotionally and financially abusive. perhaps something like this happened with the 15 year old, and even though she consented at the time, perhaps she reported it to the police (that he was abusive, not that he had sex with her or bought her booze) and then it all tumbled out and they charged him for all that they could?
obviously, i am just seeing it from my perspective bc a lot of the charges he has are the same ones i would have filed against my old bf when i was her age...
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yeah...see, that's what I was thinking. There are a lot of blurry lines.
Lemme ask you this though, do you think that someone should have reported your bf? Like, does he deserve to be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life?
From the info you told me, I can't tell which side of the fence you are on.
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
Also, when you're underage and something sexual in nature happens with someone overage, they tack on like a million things.
This thing happened to me when I was 16 and this guy I knew who was 19 (still in HS). We were in the backseat of a bus on a marching band trip and he put his hand up my skirt (like without warning) and I went bat *** crazy on him. It turned into this whole thing where the Marching Band Director had to report it to the school principal who had to report it to the authorities and this guy (who was a d0uche, but not the d0uchiest d0ouche that ever d0uched) got arrested and charged with about a trillion things, most of which made me go WTF. The DA told me they did it so what he actually did would stick. It was awful.
Also awful: me having to testify.
So he COULD have just done a stupid thing once that got blown out of proportion.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
Very true.
Although, there is a registered sex offender living in the apartment below where SIL, BIL, and niece live...and it freaks me out.
Holy crap Queenie! That's nuts! Poor guy. So he just got royally fucked for being an *** moron.
This is why people really need to be so careful. I bet he had no idea that those were going to be the consequences.
Good for you though - sticking up for yourself.
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
Holy crap, Diablesse!
These situations are so weird. Like Shauni, I had an older bf, but I was 17 to his 23, which didn't seem so bad.
Also, as Queen said, people are often charged with a billion things, and then it's plead down to whatever sticks. So I would take the actual pleading docs with a huge grain of salt.
I would assume that, to get this job, his bosses were aware of this, and had some sort of discussion with him about it. I still can't say how I'd feel about it, though. Yikes.
yeah...this is kinda how I feel, but the other guys in here are telling me that I'm being overly nice. I think I'm just going to forget about it.
I'm 5 years older than him anyway. I'm not his type. hahahaha
(in poor taste?)
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
I think he ended up with probation and community service and some sort of sexual harassment sort of seminar/clinic thing. Probably because I was such an awful witness. I bruised one of his ribs and broke his nose, so that was enough punishment in my book.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
I also lost my v card to a much older guy. Back when I was younger I thought that being with older guys was cool. Plus, none of the HS guys liked me, only older guys showed interest.
I was actually date raped by an older guy. I never reported it because I didn't want my parents to know. The crazy think is that about 2 years after the incident we moved into his old house. My parents had rented this house not even knowing what had happened to me there, it was crazy.
A few years after the incident I heard that he was arrested and charged for raping another girl. Glad she had the courage to report his a$$.
Good girl!
Oh wow...did you ever end up telling your parents after they moved into that house? I cannot imagine having to live where it happened...I'd go crazy.
ditto - good job!
MushE- yes, the bosses here know. I'm actually on pretty good terms with one and asked him a little about it via email. I was telling him that I thought it was kinda shitty that this one guy found out and told us. The one guy who found out is the newest member of the team. The rest of us were living in blissful ignorance.
That one guy also told one of the other bosses. It kinda sounds like the other bosses are sticking up a little for the team leader guy, so I'm leaning more and more towards, maybe it's not as bad as it looks on paper.
Deb - seriously, did you ever tell your parents?
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
They ended up living in that house for ten years. Nope, never told them. The only person I've ever told is Richard and you girls.
I was going to say maybe you should...but maybe it's not worth it if you've come to terms with it.
I have ZERO experience/knowledge on this.
wow
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
oh wow debbie...im so sorry.
at least he did get caught finally.
id like to think that id stand up for myself and report if i ever was attached and/or raped, but i honestly cannot say for sure what id do if i were in that situation.
debdeb--when i was dating psyhco dan, (older bf) i would wake up in the night and he would be having sex with me. and that was the LEAST of our problems. totally different and not at all as scary as what you went through, but i basically was not allowed to say "no" to anything he wanted, or fists would fly. and i used to speak publicly about it at middle and high schools, but i have never EVER told my parents or my sister about it. and until just last month, i had never told gerren. i find it is the hardest to tell those the closest to you (ESPECIALLY parents) because for some reason it is embarrassing more? i dont know how to describe it, but i would just never want to tell my parents or my sister.
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It would be embarrasing and I also don't want to hurt them. I know that they would be so hurt and angry to hear that this happened to me, especially my dad. I don't want them to go through that.
I would just let it be and live in ignorance bliss. Even though you know about it, I think it's shady for one of the other team members to just blatantly point that out. The ex-offender has to live with that label for the rest of his life so I'm sure he appreciates it when people treat him normally.
I know I've looked in the neighborhoods where I've lived as well as my new one for any sex offenders just for my own peace of mind. There is one a few houses down from my in-laws, the guy actually was dating a girl who was 17 turning 18 and the girls parents ratted him out or something like that for sex with a minor even though she consented.
IUI #1 10/12/11 (Bravelle + HCG + Prometrium & acupuncture) = 10/26 BFP! Beta #1=250, Beta #2= 615. 1st u/s 11/8.
I typed out a really long response last night and it isn't here. A summary of my thoughts:
-Alicia, pretend like you don't know, and tell yourself that it was probably a stupid mistake and/or an overzealous pissed-off parent. It's actually very common, and even if he is some kind of pervert there's nothing you can do about it and it would just make things weird and uncomfortable.
-Shauni, we seem to have very similar stories. I totally understand not telling close friends and family, even though you can talk in support groups and for awareness groups. When I did confide to someone in HS, it blew up in my face, and that pretty much cemented for me that I will never tell my family.
Hugs all around in this thread.