March 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When/How did you all decide that you were ready for kids?
I am just wondering how you all decided that you were ready for kids. I know that no one is ever *really, truly, completely* ready, whether it be financially, mentally, physically etc. And I also know that only DH and I can decide for us. I would just like to ask to see what works/worked for you guys. How long after you had been together/married did you decide to start TTC? In your TTC did/are you telling family members that you are trying? Did you share with friends that you were/are TTC?
ETA: BTW I know that not everyone wants to have children. I wasnt trying to imply that at all. Sorry if it came off that way.
Re: When/How did you all decide that you were ready for kids?
For us, I was definitely the driver. Physically, I knew I was ready. H took some convincing and time and patience on my part to finally unleash the cannon if you will...
We were married for a year and 7 months when we conceived. I only told maybe one good friend we were thinking about trying. A couple other friends knew I had an itch, as did my sister- but nothing about specifics. I was very quiet w/ the rest of my family because I didn't want added pressure.
I just felt ready, simple as that. DH and I have moved around a ton and our jobs have been all over the place, but I'm finally in a pretty secure job making a decent salary so I just thought "what are we waiting for?" DH was unemployed, but I knew that would change (and it did). DH and I have been together for 6 years, married 2 (as of this Sunday!). Knowing that it can take a year or more for a healthy couple to conceive, I told him I just wanted to see what happened. Well, two cycles later we got a bfp, so ready or not here baby comes!
We didn't tell anyone that we were TTC because of DH's job issues at the time. We have a very supportive family, but I didn't want any grief from the about it.
The Sand in My Snow Boots
We had been married for 9 months when we conceived. We both knew we wanted children young (I was 22 and DH was 24 when we got pregnant). We were living in Baltimore and knew we didn't want to have a baby out there because we had no family out there for support. We decided in August of 2009 to move back to Iowa. I had gone off BCP in October and my cycles were getting messed up so I had taken several HPTs in November and they were all BFNs. That spurred us to have the discussion and since I had secured a job, health insurance, and a place to live, we decided to give it a go. We got pregnant the first month and had our baby girl October 1 of 2010.
We did NOT tell anyone we were TTC, and we didn't tell anyone we were pregnant until we told our parents at 8 weeks and everyone else at 12 weeks, after the ultrasound. DH is a very private person though and feels this is not something you share, and I respect his opinion, particularly because he feels so strongly about it. Had he not, I wouldn't have had issues telling people.
Well...JJ was a surprise baby. But honestly, I'm SO glad he was, because I can see myself dragging my feet to have kids if we'd had that whole TTC process after we got married.
Now that we are going to start TTC this fall, I think it's more of a financial decision for us. JJ is getting older, his expenses are decreasing, and the both of us are in a place where we feel like adding another child would be a great balance for our family. It makes it a little tricky since H is on a deployment team and we could be preparing for him to deploy sooner rather than later, but we'll just let it go and see what happens!
I was the type of person who would never be "ready" enough. I would put it off until it was too late. I've always got a trip planned, never have enough money, never secure in my job (even though I do have enough money, and I am secure in my job). I'm just a bundle of nerves and when it comes to major decisions, I just avoid them at all costs.
Greg started pushing for kids last Christmas. Otherwise I would have never made that decision on my own I don't think. Heck, I'm still petrified of being a parent.
I didn't tell anyone that we were TTC (I'm shy), but Greg has 4 sisters and told all of them. Basically, Greg told everyone!
Don't worry, that goes away after the kid has come out!
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Oh good! I was hoping it wasn't. Thanks!
also petrified of being a parent and i'm only 2 1/2 weeks from my due date, lol.
dh and i always knew we wanted kids, we're both 31. we did push back our original TTC start date (sept 09) and i went off the pill in january of 2010. we conceived in june.
my sis and mom knew we were ttc. it took my sis/bil over a year and some medical intervention to conceive, so i figured it would take us a while. i also told my family at like 6 weeks bc i knew i would need their support if we did have a m/c and we ended up telling dh's family and friends around 9 weeks. earlier than i would have like, but his best friend from out-of-state was visiting and he wanted to tell him in person.
We had been together for 6 years and married for almost 1.5 when we conceived. We kept saying we would try in a few months... and we kept saying that for a while. I've always wanted kids, so it was a no brainer for me. DH wanted kids, but he's such a planner that he wanted to make sure his job was stable, we paid down the house a bit, had enough in savings, retirement, etc so I could be a SAHM. As much as I wanted to get pg sooner, I was good with waiting a bit because I definitley wanted to be in a good place so I could SAH.
I started charting a few months after we got married, and after we had been married for a year, we got more and more careless with following the chart rules for avoiding pg. Finally, we gave in and got a BFP after the first month trying.
We didn't tell anyone we were trying. In fact, we kept telling them we weren't ready yet just because I didn't want the added pressure and questioning every month.
Oh, and as much as I've always wanted to be a Mommy, I was still scared of it until the day I had her and then it all went away!
We discussed it before we got married and because of our ages (me 37 dh 34) we both knew we wanted kids right away, but things changed and I got laid off 6 weeks after we got married, so we decided to wait a little while, but a few months back we realized we're not getting any younger so it's now or never.
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We'd been planning to start TTC in December '10 or January '11. Then, we'd have been married at least 2 years when our first kid was born. I was 26 when we got married; DH was 33. I felt like 2-3 years (depending on how long it took) was just a good amount of time to have to ourselves before adding kids to the mix, but also not too long, as I really wanted to have our first kid before I turned 30 - I don't know why really, just an arbitrary age I'd picked.
So this pregnancy is the one we'd been planning for, and Nate was a little (wonderful, amazing, blessed) surprise in the meantime. We were married 6 weeks when I got my BFP.
If we had TTC with Nate, I wouldn't have told people that we were because I just don't think it's anyone's business besides our own. This one, we'd barely even thought about TTC when I got pregnant, so we didn't have time to tell people, even if we'd wanted to.
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I was ready as soon as we got married. I was just ready to expand and share the new adventure with H. MH was way more responsible when it came to planning. He wanted us to pay off the little bit of debt we had, build up our savings, and enjoy a year of being married. He is a financial planner and was hit hard when the economy tanked right after the wedding. I'm so glad we waited until he felt more secure in his business again.
We started trying in August and I got pregnant in January. I told my whole family and a few friends. Looking back, I wish I would not have shared so much. It added pressure every month when I didn't get that BFP. I know 5 months isn't that long to try but it felt like it at the time when people kept asking.
GL with your decision!
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We are getting to the point that we might be comfortable in a few months ( ... this is me having a stroke ... )
Hs job situation may change, if it does, we want to wait for that to get settled, since he carries the insurance, I want to make sure there is no maternity waiting period.
We will never be totally prepared financially but we making it sting less with saving !