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MH Vent/Questions
I wonder if any of you have experienced something similar, I know a few of us are having DH baby challenges.
Ryan is a great dad and he loves Felix. last week, I had the flu and Ryan had to take care of F much more. Towards the end of the week I remember him saying "Do you ever feel like you don't have a life?" in a really negative tone. I just let it slide, although it did irk me because, yes, when I'm not teaching I am either taking care of Felix or tutoring to help pay for the babysitter.
Last night, he looked super stressed after I told him that I teach first block and would need him up at 7:30 to help with Felix till babysitter came at 10. He vented about how hard it is, how he feels like he won't book jobs because he looks so tired, and how he feels like he never has any free time.
Our babysitter comes at 10 or 11am, and some days I can put Felix for him morning nap before I leave for school. Ryan always takes F's 11pm feeding, but he says he has a really hard time going right to bed after, so sometimes he'll be up until 1 or 2.
I just don't know what to do or how to handle this. Its pilot season and that is always a time of high stress, and now Ryan is feeling even more pressure to book something this season bc of Felix. But, I feel like his stress is causing a really negative attitude and its going to affect his relationship with both me and Felix.
I'm not sure if there's an answer here, I'm just worried.
Re: MH Vent/Questions
Ryan and Seth sound a lot alike (minus the whole actor thing!).
I think men think that having a baby will be all giggles and play. They never thought about the actual care part of having a kid. And when Mommy does most of the care and then leans on Dad when she is sick or overtired...he gets a jolt of reality...and they don't like it!
Seth keeps saying, "I can't wait until Abe can walk." "I can't wait until he can talk to me." How about enjoying what he is doing now?? And he gets so frustrated when Abe cries and/or is fussy...he is a BABY! That is what they do!
As a way to handle the situation...I'm not sure. I guess open communication is key. I told Seth over the weekend that we needed to talk and we did...I was open about some stuff and the stuff isn't really better but at least he knows how I feel about it.
So maybe take some time to talk with Ryan about the situation, the stress, the frustration (on both of your parts). I would think the hard part for you two is that Ryan has to be more on his game to get jobs than Seth who can be a zombie and sell sunglasses at Oakley.
I don't know if I helped at all but I want you to know that I comisserate with you!
OMG this used to drive me nuts. DH and MIL used to do this when Luke was a baby. I used to get sooooo pissed, like, hey - he is here now and he is cute and lovable, stop trying to make it speed by.
Ironically, DH and I are both looking forward to certain aspects of a newborn now. Having a kid that walks and talks, and hits, throws their food, and temper tantrums is a LOT of work too. hahaa..
As for the original post.... My son is 15 months. MH and I have worked a lot of things out and many aspects that you are all going through we have luckily started to make headway on. But, we're not close to perfect. I still feel a lot that he is bored or disappointed with our lack of a life. He wants to buy things that we just don't have the $ for right now.
I think men have this idea (unrealistic idea) of where they should be and what they should have at certain points in their life. When they envisioned a family they didn't really see all the aspects of it. I don't think any of us (maybe I'm wrong) really realized what its like to have to be two working parents with kids. Everyone is tired and both parents need a little time off.
Hang in there sweetie!!
Completely agree that it's been much harder than I expected with co-parenting. I feel like we're just starting to balance things out... What a rocky road.
DH said once that the way it's set up is the man's burden is working and the woman's is taking care of the child. What makes it so hard is that now we need two parent incomes...so the woman is working. Which means she needs more help from the man...who struggles with figuring out what needs to be done at home. Sort of makes sense in a way.
But what drives me crazy is when DH complains about sleeping. Um...who has had a full night sleep for last year and who has not. Nft.
I feel the same way.
Me too, but KClouts's little face says it best.
NOw that I reread that, it sounds like yikes!! I didn't do a good job explaining what I meant with a baby on my lap. He wasn't meaning it like that and I wasn't freaked out when he said it. It was said in an honest good conversation. He just was meaning that it used to be so simple with the defined roles (mom at home, dad working), but with both of us trying to do both working and taking care of the baby, it gets harder. He further went on to say that he's thankful that we're both taking on the roles of care, as he says that he doesn't think he'd have the bond he does with Adrian if he wasn't doing his share. But it's hard sorting out who does what. I promise he isn't a chauvinistic pig!!!