Family Matters
charitylynne_1979
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Bio Mother
So I have recently, the last few years, been trying to figure out who I am and where I came from as in bio parents. My bio father died 2 years ago and I just recently started a relationship with my bio mother. She is crazy - schizpranic, bipolar type 1, etc. She is crazy - she has gotten herself into a lot of trouble, etc. My aunt says that she has been "sane" and the best that she has ever been the last few years. I met her again in October and have been in touch with her. Things seem to be getting a little uneasy. She is starting to lie again and trying to play mind games with my aunt and my aunt isnt stupid. And I guess she tried to hurt me one way - bio mom that is, My aunt specifically requested for me to make her a wedding album for our wedding. I did that and sent it to her and mom wanted to borrow it. Well when bio mom was talking about it months ago, when we first communicated, I was like well when are you giving it back. She said your aunt said why does she need that "thing" back. So I guess not only did she lie but she tried to hurt me with that. I never thought of it that way. My guard is up very high because I dont want to get hurt again, etc. I am starting to rethink this whole relationship thing. My aunt says its up to me. Errr I dunno what to do.
Re: Bio Mother
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
She is the one who brought it up in a conversation and I replied to something she asked
It is difficult to have a relationship with people who are bi-polar. If they take their medication properly, it is easier, but so many times they either don't think they need it anymore or else they don't like the way it makes them feel. Either way many of them stop taking their medication and this is when you find behavioral issues start to reoccur. Sounds like this may be what is happening with your mother.
Often these people are really wonderful to be around when they are properly medicated. But when they aren't things are horrible for not only themselves but their loved ones.
Only you can decide if you are willing to deal with the bad times to get the good times.
Just because you are related genetically to someone doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them.
There are a lot of women on this board that were raised by a biological parent and chose to cut them off.
Bottom line - put your health and well being first.
This.
I am adopted and have found my birth mother. However, my family is the people who raised me and love me. I am really not trying to be snarky, but I never understood people's need to find out "where they came from" especially when it seems to lead to heartache. Surround yourself with people who love and support you....whether or not you share the same DNA is irrelevant.
What did you say when she made the "thing" comment about your wedding album?
Seems like a response along the lines of, "It's not a 'thing' it is a wedding album. It's a collection of beautiful memories from a special day. Something she asked for and I enjoyed giving her. It obviously means soemthing to you, if you want to keep it. Why would you ask such a spiteful question?"
I know its easier to think of responses after the moment has passed. But like any healthy relationship, you have to be in a position to call people on their stupidity. I can only imagine that your mother has her own isses around your wedding and keeping the album was wrapped up in that and her comment was a stupid one. But really, if you do want her in your life, you are going to have to confront some guilt and messy feelings from time to time. Without just assuming she "trying" to hurt you. People hurt each other in all kinds of odd and unintensional ways. There is going to be more of that with her. You can and should push back.
I see them diagnosed together all the time - whether that is correct or not is a different story.
This is the story if it was miscontrused earlier.
I had a wedding album made for my aunt because she asked me too. She let my bio mom borrow it because she wanted to look at it. She asked to borrow it longer which my aunt said was fine.
A convestation came up about pictures that my bio mom wanted and I said to her that Aunt let you borrow it, etc. I said she'll probably want it back soon or something to the gist of that. Bio mom said that my aunt said why would she want that thing back.
Fast forward to now and the post above, bio move has gotten worse in many ways. The last stray was this weekend when she said that she never said that and that I was dellusional, etc. My aunt knows how to trust at this point and time. Anyways after that, I have decided to walk away from the relationship for now. I have my won problems and things to deal with right now. And having a relationship with her right now would just add to the stress of my life.
I know that the Bipolar is genetic. Unfortunately, I got diagnosed 2 years ago with type 2. Her therapist and dr's are the ones saying that they have added to her diagnosis. She is bipolar type1 with schizrophania, schizoid (sp), etc. They have also said that she is dellusional and hears voices which she says that she does.
I am kinda sad and upset because I thought maybe I could have a mother/daughter relationship with her, but I cant. Not right now and who knows if I ever will be. My adopted mother - we are not close - she was mentally and physically abusive. I am really close to my aunt and I am think that is the relationship that I need to keep going and cherish.
Yes I am in counseling re: this and other stuff. LOL
Thanks for comments and opinions.