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Issues with sex
My S/O and I are having a few problems in bed. He thinks that he can't please me the way he wants to and I really don't know what to do. This all started way before we got together. His ex was a nymphomaniac and if she didn't have sex AT LEAST once a day she would freak out and cause a huge fight or scene where ever they where. They were together for about three years and it was like that the whole time.
I am not a nympho but, I enjoy sex with my S/O. He lately has been really down about it and will only do it when he is in the mood which is maybe once a week. I don't mind but, I want him to feel better about it. He blames the whole issue on his ex and they ways she acted. Lately he has been dreaming about us having amazing sex and he will wake up humping me or I will wake up to him humping me. I just want him to let go of all that and start fresh with a new sex life.
What are your opinions on all this and how do I get him to loosen up and do his dreams mean anything.
Re: Issues with sex
Dumping him is kind of extreme I think. I'd think about going to therapy together or seeing a counselor. If you want to try something at home first, I suggest maybe trying to create your own sexual experiences that may be a little different. Perhaps send him a sexy text message in the morning so he'll be thinking about you all day. Then cook (or order takeout) a nice dinner and light candles and put on romantic music. Have something sensual for dessert or suggest yourself as dessert. Get some nice lingerie if he's into that or if he's a cute pajama lover, put on some of your cutest cotton p.j.'s that accentuate your body and have great sex appeal. Then give him a massage and I'm sure after that you should know what to do after that.
Perhaps if he gets home from work after you do and you two live alone, greet him at the door wearing nothing or something really sexy. Even think about taking off early from work one day and doing this. Sometimes our pasts haunt us for a while and while you're the one he's with right now, it may take a little while for all his wounds to heal from the other person. Hope this helps!
I've never heard of anything like that. Most relationships start out red hot and then after the "honeymoon" period is over, everything cools down a bit. Still a normal amount of sex but nah, not red hot every day continually.
I wonder if he's telling the truth about it?
At any rate, this is here and now. Everybody is different.
You confronted her about it? Do tell how that conversation went...
Hey Candie,
I am also having issues with my partner in the bedroom. He seems to be withdrawn and not interested. In the beinning sex was ok, then we moved in together and that was that.
I was thinking that living with his younger sisiter and cousin was the problem, but even when we are home alone his basically not interested. My sex drive is normal and i'd say twice a week isn't asking for a lot, but his saying once a week. He also suffers from PE and is reluctant to allow me to "help" him with it. He thinks that meds are the answer and i keep telling him that training himself is the cure and that it will take both of us.
Also his from an eastern culture and is not as open about sex and sexuality as i am, so that also make it difficult. I'm currently trying to get him to open up about any sexual fantastys he has but nothing.
He has boasted about his great sex with a previous partner and i can't help feel like as if i'm less attractive visually compared to her and am left wondering, "Am i not physically attractive for him?" And "Am i second best and just someone that was marrage material?"
I think your man is just taking a break and by the sounds of it he needs it. Maybe he needs some TLC... Dumping him is not a very good idea.
Eh, wow.
You actually spoke to her about this?
That alone boggles my mind.
Kween, your guy is an assh*le and a half. There are more than four men in the world, you know.
Maybe dumping him is extreme, but you shouldn't marry someone who is so wrapped up in their prior relationship that they can't have/enjoy sex with you. Sex is a major part of a relationship - - don't settle for less b/c you feel sorry that his prior girlfriend was a "nympho." That's not fair to you.
I would suggest counseling. Either couples counseling or send him to individual counseling and tell him you will postpone the wedding until this is resolved. Because if it is not resolved now, a ring will not magically change it.
Yes, well you may think that but i negelected to add all the wonderful hings he does for me. The only area of concern in my relationship is the bedroom and i have delt with it this long and we are trying to get a "grip" of things, just not getting there as quickly as i would like.
Would it be a bad thing if i was to buy a vibrator if his against them and hide it and use it when his not around? would you consider that cheating or lying?
I haven't been able to bring myself to buying a vibeas i can't justify it to myself. Although i brought these romance suggestive cards and some lingerie and a mini "neon" vibe came with the stuff as a free gift and he found it in my door and freaked and asked me if i had used it... I repied no...
I lied... I test drove it just 2 days before hand... I wanted to know and well it's just a mini one not the full thing. His problem with vibes mayb i'll want them over him because they can satify me. I tried explaining that nothing beats the real thing...
Lost, Frustrated and About to commit myself to becoming a nun....
HELP!
Males point of view appreciated!
Females as well
No matter how many nice things he does, bragging about sex with someone else and then neglecting you sexually makes him a dud. He's not marriage material.
And really, he SHOULD be afraid that you're replacing him. He isn't satisfying you, AND he's making you feel insecure with his bragging.