Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sister in law from hell!
So me and my fiance have been together for two year and from day one of meeting his family i have had problems with his older sister. She has told his family i do drugs! Spread lies about our relationship. Caused way to many fights between me and my fiance and even caused him to leave his house because of his parents now fighting with him. Shes 26 years old and just doesn't seem to be able to grow up. I have always been nice to her and have never given her any reason to treat me the way she has. When i confronted her she tried to get into a fist fight with me in front of her house and then told my fiances family that i didn't give a f*** about the family. When his older brother and now wife were dating they also had problems with her doing the exact same thing and he actually got into a fight with his dad and left. SHES CRAZY!!!!!!! It just seems to be never ending. So now that our wedding is coming up i don't want her there. do i have the right to not invite her even though shes my soon to be husbands sister? Ughh... please help 
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Re: Sister in law from hell!
Where is your FI in the midst of this?
He hasn't said a word or done anything to nip this in the bud and get his sis to butt out and treat you civilly.
A shame, because this is now a FI problem, not a FSIL problem.
(unless the "he" further down is referring to your FI but looks like the "he" is your FBIL)
If your FI has done nothing to stand by you and end this mess with his sis once and for all, strongly rethink your FI. HE's got a problem with standing up for you; this is not only gross immaturity on his part and a character problem -- it is also tactly telling his sis "do whatever you want; I don't care how you treat my FI."
ANd if he can't stand up for you now, he never will be.
You could have it out with him and demand that he start being a grownup and stand by you but to me, the issue is already there.
Sorry you're having such problems. Remember: this isn't going to magically go away once you are married -- his sis sounds detestable and childish. Sorry for your problems.
If she cannot treat your civily, then your fiance should've cut her from his life a long time ago. You shouldn't have confronted her about this ... your fiance should've done it.
She didn't "make" him leave the house. She didn't turn your fiance's parents against him or his older brother. This is 100% a result of the actions taken by your fiance, his brother and his parents ... the parents chose to accept the sister's nutty behavior, and your fiance chose to move out, and his brother chose to leave. This all could have been avoided if someone had told the sister, "Cut the shiit or don't speak to us again."
If your fiance hasn't told his (or his parents, if they're also being nasty to you) to knock off the crap by now, then you have MUCH bigger problems than whether or not to invite her to your wedding. You have a husband who is putting his shiity family ahead of you, and that pattern will continue for the rest of your life.
So if he won't tell them to knock it off or they won't see him again (and he needs to follow through with that threat by cutting them off if they are nasty to you), either get of of this relationship entirely or get used to being second fiddle to a SIL (and parents-in-law?) who treats you like garbage and get used to having a husband who just stands there and lets you deal with it on your own instead of defending you.
It sounds like your fiance is supporting your sister more than he supports you! Why hasn't he grown a pair and cut her off? You should not have to put up with crazy for two years. Instead of wondering if you should invite her to the wedding, maybe you should be wondering if you should be marrying your FI at all. This sounds like a dealbreaker to me.
My SIL was nasty to me, and that was the last she had any contact with DH or I for eight years. He would still not be speaking with her, but needs to contact her for the sake of his dad (who is in failing health).
You need to take a stand and put your foot down. I made the mistake of trying to be "nice" and not alienate his sister/family member. Now, even though SIL speaks to DH, she is in no way involved in my life or the lives of our children.
I would have a talk with your H about his sister, and ask how you are going to handle her together. You could even ask BIL how he solved the SIL problem (or what he did if it never got solved).
People who do not treat me with respect do not get invited to my parties, no matter who the fvck they are or who they are related to (I have actually had many family parties without SIL). Tell your H you don't want her there, and you would rather not get married if he is not going to be on your side. Now, after that happens, you can see what shakes out - - if SIL offers apologizes, the family seems to want to be on your good side, do what it takes to solve the problems, then I would relent, but I would not be sorry if MIL and FIL refused to attend the wedding b/c SIL wasn't asked. That is their choice.
How exactly can anyone cause someone to leave their own home?
Hailey,
I am having almost the same problems no fist fights(yet), but the name calling and hatred is there. It goes one step further FSIL is friends with damn near all his ex-girlfriends one of which he almost married. The ex's have been a big issue through our relationship and the FSIL likes to bring them to his family get togethers, despite our many conversations with her and the FMIL that we want to be no where near them. My FI is very supportive he has told her off and informed her if she wants to be childish she can forget she has a brother. however the Q still remains with us does she get an invite to our wedding cause there parents will not be too happy if we don't? So let me know if you get some good advice
Holy crap. It sounds like you need to get her into rehab or a mental asylum. And it could explain why no one does anything about her treating you so badly, but loves you so much. The mentally unstable and addicts act abnormally like this
Has anyone had a family intervention on this situation? Other than why is SIL so mean to me? I think you need to have a honest to god sit down conversation with in-laws saying that you and FI are extremely scared for SIL because one of these days she is going to do something to a stranger out there and it has the potential to do damage that no one will be able to fix. I mean think about if she did this to an on-duty cop. I know this is a far jump from what she is doing now, but if what you say is really true, then it needs to be said because there is the potential for SIL to make that far jump at anytime.
If you have had this talk or you do and no one is willing to do anything, then you have no other choice but to cut her.
Check us out
I get the ugly feeling she has been like this her entire life -- and her parents enabled her. Wow, dysfunctional much?
They can't say no to her. Pity.
The only thing I can suggest: he tells her to get lost and he cuts her out of your lives forever. And tell her "When you grow the hell up and you start to act like an adult, we'll be talking to you. Until then, this is goodbye" and stick to his guns.