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Cheating runs in the blood?
Such a ridiculous statement huh? So my FIL has cheated on my MIL for years on and off. She catches him, throws him out and then takes him back. He was caught again recently and she threw him out. While he was packing his things up DH and I were over there to pick some things up not knowing he was there. FIL cornered me and told me this sob story about how his dad cheated on his wife and so he cheats. Then he told me that I needed to keep a very close eye on DH because cheating runs in his blood and he won't be able to help it.
LIVID! My DH is an incredible man who has never given me the slightest bit of concern. What kind of a father says that about his own son to his wife??? I was so shocked that I didn't say anything and now I'm seriously kicking myself for not defending DH and telling FIL off.
I told DH about it immediately and he was furious and had it out with him. My question is what should I do with this? MIL has taken him back so he's going to be at family events but I'm
still so mad that he said that about DH and that he'd even put that
terrible thought into my mind. Would you still be angry if your FIL said that to you or would you brush it off and stay away from now on?
Re: Cheating runs in the blood?
I would be furious at my FIL, but I would also take it with a grain of salt. He is so full of crap and it isn't in his blood. He just doesn't want to face the fact that he is a horrible person. Instead of actually taking full responsibility for his own bad behavior, he wants to blame it on his "blood."
I would let my DH have it out with his dad and back up whatever he decides.
FWIW, both my FIL and my MIL cheated on each other and I would never suspect my husband of doing the same thing. He has proven to me with his actions that he is a man of character and men of character don't do that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sounds as if your FIL doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions.
"It's in my blood, I can't help it," = "I am absolved of responsibility because my DNA is out of my control"
I don't buy it.
I do agree if your parents cheated, you may grow up and copy what you saw, because that is "normal" for you, you witnessed bad habits, poor communication, etc....but you could equally grow up and NEVER cheat, because you saw how destructive it was on your marriage and family.
More like it's a modeled behavior.
Perhaps you caught the man in a moment of weakness? He knew he was wrong (even though he wasn't taking responsibility) and he was trying to protect his son from the same heartache? I don't know. I'm just trying to look at this from another perspective.
Either way, just ignore him. There is nothing you can do about it. It is what it is. If you wanted to limit your time around him, I wouldn't blame you. He sounds like an azzhat.
Yes... I would be pissed too. But try an ignore it. FIL obviously doesn't and will most likely never take responsibility for his actions.
To me this whole school of thought.... Cheating is in the Blood.... is from the same school of thought as..... Alcoholism is genetic. Which I think is a bunch of crap.
Seriously... you have a right to feel the way you do. But just brush it off.... and deal with what to do at family functions when they draw near.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Tell your FIL that taking back a douche who cheats isn't in YOUR dna, so you and DH won't have the same ongoing problems he and MIL had, thank you.
I do think this outburst warrants a talk with your H about what cheating did to him / his mom - if you haven't discussed this already.
Big surprise. It's not his fault its "genetic". And to underline the point he claims that it would be beyond his son's control, too. Marvelous.
He's an assshole. He's been an assshole for years. This is just another excuse in a long line of excuses that he is not to blame, that his behavior is beyond his control and yadda yadda. He refuses to take responsiblity for his behavior. And guess what? It works for him. Other than the occassional toss-out-of-the-house he hasn't really had to face the consequences of his cheating. And the bonus is that he gets to seduce and sleep with more and more woman. It's how he wants to live his life. And avoiding responsiblity is just part of that.
He's always going to duck responsibility for his behavior and he doesn't care who he throws under the bus in the process.
Ignore him outright. And realize that he doesn't care about you and how what he says affects you. You're just a prop for his script that this "all isn't his fault". Don't be. Not because you tell him off, but because you don't believe him. It can be that simple.
Other than some assumptive beliefs that humans, at our baser and cro-magno man ancestoral nature, cheat in order to continue the genetic code (procreate to save the species), there is NOTHING scientific out there supporting his claim.
He is just looking for ANY and ALL excuses for his behavior.
That's really interesting. Some people will say anything to use an excuse for being a pathetic lowlife.
My husband also comes from a similar cycle, and he hates what it did to the people he knows that were affected and I know he would never do anything like that to me. Cheating being in the blood has been something that my MIL has hinted at with him and his brothers but not something she'd ever come right out and say. At one point she told my mom that she thought we shouldn't get married because he might cheat on me during his deployments, and then later told me that he was likely to get addicted to porn just like someone else.
Some people seem to think that men are just walking penises and can't control themselves, like they are animals or something. When a man thinks that he has no control over his own actions, that is just pathetic. He's a sorry example of a father and a role model.
It sounds like since your husband has, ahem, spoken to him about the incident I would consider the matter closed unless it gets brought up again. He was probably just emotional or something and that's why his mouth ran away with him. Even if he thinks that inside his own head he has no right to say something like that to you, and frankly one would hope that he thought better of his own son than that. I think its more insulting that a father doesn't know his own son well enough to know whether or not he could be faithful to his wife. I would try to stay out of the middle of what is going on in his parents marriage as much as possible and limit my time with him as well.