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In-law vacation drama: WWYD?
Every year, Robin's family (who I usually adore, not so much right now) rent a beach house in Florida and spend a week there for a family vacation. We love it, and this trip usually costs $500-600 per couple/family. Each family cooks one night, so we spend a little on groceries, and eat out like twice. Super cheap vacation.
Well, everyone (uh, except us) has decided this isn't good enough this year. They want to go on a cruise. We were already looking into a cruise for Spring Break, but kept an open mind. They sent us the info this weekend and for a 7 day cruise we're looking at *starting out* prices of $1500 per couple. That also doesn't count flights to Orlando and excursions at the 4 ports. We're looking at at least $2500. The cruise we were looking at for Spring Break would cost us barely over $1K total.
Robin isn't happy because he says it isn't really going to be a "family vacation." We'll just see each other in passing, and it'll be a total PITA trying to coordinate everyone (14 people). I don't want to go, because I've always been adamant that I don't want the family vacation to be our only vacation. We have 3 months off together during the year. I like to do lots of smaller trips. This trip would pretty much eat up our travel budget for the year. We've let our opinion be known to the family, but everyone else is gung-ho about the cruise, so honestly our opinion doesn't matter. We told them we probably wouldn't go and heads rolled.
Sorry this is getting long. My question is: Our not wanting to go is obviously starting some family drama. At this point, a beach house is no longer an option, because everyone would be mad that we whined and got our way. Would you suck it up and go on the vacation with the family or not go and deal with the consequences?
Re: In-law vacation drama: WWYD?
Is this your ONLY opportunity to see Robin's family throughout the year? If so, then I would probably suck it up this year and ask for a compromise next year. If you see them other times throughout the year, then I would say you are not obligated to go.
I wouldn't go. It sounds like you've already made yourselves clear with his family and it seems like they don't want to compromise on the vacation. If they want to be upset about it, fine...but they can't dictate how and when you spend your money.
I say take the vacations you want this year:)
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No, we all live within a 10 mile radius. We're like the family on Parenthood.
I agree with the others. You've stressed your objections, which are very legitimate, and you were outvoted. That doesn't mean you have to go tho. Plus, Robin has some very reasonable concerns surrounding the excursions and schedules. It will be hard to unify everyone (tho maybe it's a good thing that people are off doing their own things....I think I would shoot myself if I had to spend a week under one roof with my ILs...or my own family to think of it!).
They'll be upset but hopefully they'll come around eventually and understand. Just tell them you already have some other trips scheduled for the year and this one is not affordable as they have it.
I wouldn't go. I'd find an alternative that you and Robin can go and enjoy each other. I think that would totally win in my book over mixed family time and a guilty obligation to go on an expensive cruise.
I like going on smaller vacations as well.
Zuma Zoom
in that case i think you are perfectly justified in all of your reasons not to go. i wouldnt let them guilt you into it.
I would tell them that you didn't have it in your budget to spend that much on the family vacation this year, so unless they are willing to consider other options, you will be forced to decline. Put it on THEM. THEY picked something that you are unable to do. Tell them you're really disappointed that you can't join them so if they decide to do something more budget-friendly, to let you know.
FWIW, my family does a big beach house vacation every year. And with people getting married, losing jobs, not getting a lot of vacation time, it's pretty typical that SOMEONE can't make it. It stinks to not have everyone together, but as a family, everyone understands that it can't always be perfect. Is this the first time that someone isn't able to make it or have others opted out in the past?
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Completely agree with Riss. Put it back on THEM for choosing an option that doesn't work for everyone. They should feel guilty, not you. And if you decline, saying you can't afford it, then it will be THEIR choice whether to find something more budget-friendly, or go without you.
This. I'd be pretty annoyed if they all suddenly decided the normal beach house thing wasn't good enough (especially because I think that's much more fun!) and made you shell out way more money that you can't really afford to do right now.
My family also does the big beach house thing, and usually someone can't come, but then they blame it on the rest of us. We don't choose the week, the owners of the house tell us when we can come (which is the same every year, actually), so no one in my family has any say in it. So I've learned to ignore people who like to blame the rest of us when it doesn't work out perfectly for them- my point is that I don't think the rest of the family will blame you for not coming, because you could easily blame them, and they should understand that things don't always work perfectly. Hopefully that makes sense. My other point is I hate blamey families, just accept it and move on.
I always like it when everyone agrees with me. :-)
Our only hesitation is that some people won't understand "it's not in our budget," because we travel much more than the other people in the family. Robin says he doesn't look at it this way, but I feel sort of bad saying we can't do the family vacation, but turning right around and taking a cruise for spring break and doing other vacations this summer (smaller vacations, like going to Houston and staying with a friend). I don't think they're being very understanding about that part, but like I said I like lots of small vacations. Only going on one vacation a year is not ok with me. I'm spoiled.
Just put it to them that you'd already planned and budgeted for the spring break cruise and the smaller trips assuming you were doing the same Florida trip as in the past. Tell them that you wouldn't mind altering the beach house trip in the future, but everyone should discuss it well in advance, especially if the trip is going to cost significantly more. My family discussed a cruise, but we decided we would do it literally 5 years from that point, so that everyone could save up and we had time to agree on which trip. It actually never worked out (a group of 17 people is hard to coordinate!), but at least everyone was able to have some input.
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:Blog:
I completely agree with everything Riss had to say. I also want to add that Robin is completely correct in his assumption that it won't be a "family" vacation on a cruise. We took a cruise with my mom's sisters and their families once and the only time we EVER were all together was for dinner (because it was a set time, but now with freestyle cruising where you can eat dinner whenever you want, you may not have that dinner time together). There were groups of us who did excursions and sometimes it was just me, my parents and my sister.
I know it would suck (and you shouldn't have to) to disclose your travel budget, but even if you take 15 vacations, it's still not the same as spending that money last minute on one 7 day vacation.
Totally agree. Unless they want to pay the difference for you and Robin to go, then I'd leave it at "we just cant afford to now". I wouldnt like that a family vaca would eat up my travel budget.