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What can be done?
Hey everyone,
This is my first post here, I normally lurk but I could really use advice. This might be a long one. The situations is this. Dh's parents sexually abused him when he was a child and are therefore not allowed near our children. We are currently expecting our second and they know this, but we have had no contact with them and therefore they know no information about the pregnancy or the baby other than what they might have gotten out of my SIL's. As far as we are concerned they don't need to know anything because they will have no relationship with the baby anyways.
Last night my mom informed me that my MIL called her asking about us. She wanted to know when the baby will be born and how everything is going with us. She requested that she keep the conversation hush-hush and give her a call when the baby is born because "they're still the grandparents". My mom has no intentions of doing this and didn't give her any information. DH called them today and asked them not to involve my family and said that they lost their rights as parents and grandparents when they abused him. FIL made it clear that they will contact whoever they want and will find out information about us in any way they choose and there's nothing we can do about it.
So my question is, is there anything at all that we can do about this? Any legal action etc that will prevent them from harassing people for information about us? I feel like our privacy and our lives are being invaded by them and while I don't think they'd physically harm us, I'm afraid of what they're going to try next.
Re: What can be done?
Your DH should have made a police report about it. I don't know if you can get a restraining order against them. I'm curious why your SIL is still in contact with them and perhaps she should be given no further information.
Also, please make sure you have a will which clearly states who will be your child's guardian. Include something which makes it impossible for them to have custody.
Yikes! I am sorry to hear this. Though I've never had experience in this situation the first thing that comes to mind is dont share anything with anyone who you think may share any info with them. Also, anyone who your IL's may call should immediately shut them down by saying do not contact me regarding this. They should not be polite to them in the least. If you arent sure that person will do that, dont share any info with them. I'm thinking you cant legally keep SIL or any specific person from sharing info so dont share with them if you know they wont keep their mouths shut. Sorry you have to deal with this, seems rather creepy that FIL is so concerned with your info if you dont want him knowing it.
Why aren't your parents or anybody else just hanging-up the phone? I mean, you don't need a court order to just hang-up a phone, right?
Get practical. Seriously. Use the on-off function on the phone. Tell your trusted family members to do the same.There really is no "next" as in what will they do next? - if you have some baisc boundaries in place.
I totally agree with this.. but if they continue to call/harass your family members after they repeatedly shut them down then it's time for legal action. However I think your mom or whoever else they are calling would have to get an order in place as well.
Also you and your mom (or whoever else they might call) should check with your phone companies about having their number blocked.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Consult a Lawyer.... they will be able to tell you what your options are.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
well-you can't really control who they call and ask BUT you can make it impossible for them to find out anything. tell your parents under no circumstances are they to give any info-just tell ils to call you. dont share with sil what you dont' want ils to know. she'll tell them.
Are they convicted, registered sex offenders?
If so, by law (which varies somewhat from state to state) they couldn't be within so many feet of a daycare or school, and they certainly couldn't be around your children (or anyone else's) unsupervised.
I don't think you have to worry as much about them being near your children. If you keep your daycares/schools informed, and if they are registered as they are legally obligated to do so, you shouldn't have to worry too much.
I'm also with PP---just hang up the phone. I'm no lawyer (which is why you should probably consult one), but I'm skeptical that you can do anything about your ILs calling your family/friends. Now if they started showing up on people's doorsteps and refusing to leave, that's another matter. But as it stands, I don't think they're "harrassing" anyone, legally speaking.