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Dreading this wedding... (a bit long)
Backstory, my MOH met her FH a couple weeks before our wedding in 2008. Things were still new and she didn't want to bring him to the wedding. No problem. During their first few months of them dating she'd call me to yammer on about her day (1st year teacher frustrations) but while shopping for random things like pens.
A lot changed in that first year, as I expected with new stresses, boys, living situations, but it was just really different for her to stop talking about her family, and oldest friends.
Over the last couple years we've definitely lost touch.
Fast forward to last summer when they get engaged. And I am a bit skeptical (? not sure if that's the right word) for how this is all going to pan out. I want to be supportive, but I question how much she's changed for him (ie- was adamantly against any type of pot consumption, and now, after she caught him sneaking it in the bathroom is okay with it?)
Her wedding is this July, on her parents wedding anniversary. We've finally nailed down the bachelorette party date, July 2.... not too wild about it being July 4th weekend, but whatevs I suppose. So then I follow up with when we should be thinking about showers for her. The MOH tells me that one's already been scheduled for May 22, and the other is still in the works.
I guess my total frustration with this whole thing is that there's been a constant lack of communication regarding every.thing.... including whether or not I was to be a BM (she still hasn't technically asked me, but did ask me to purchase a dress- so I guess I'm in).
Does any one have experiences participating in weddings with a severe lack of communication and/or direction?
Re: Dreading this wedding... (a bit long)
It stinks to be out of the loop, esp if you are a bridesmaid! sorry it is going down this way. hopefully you can have fun anyway. is the dress nice?
While that sucks to watch a friend change like that, especially if it's not for the better, but you have to sit back and just be there if and when she may need you.
On the matter of the bridesmaid and communication issues ... just make sure you know where to be and when and don't even worry about the rest. Go and have a good time!
I guess in someway I just a bit hurt that the bride isn't informing the way I hoped. I feel like an afterthought (or like she "had to include me" because she was my moh). Here's the LINK to the dress... a JCrew one in the Mosaic blue color. I love the cut of the dress, mostly because I'll be able to wear a good bra, but am not too fond of the material- just because if it's not cut right, it can lay funny.
That stinks she didn't formally ask you to be a BM. But as far as the shower and bach party go the bride isn't supposed to be involved with the planning, so that part isn't her fault, it's her MOH's. It is pretty rude that the MOH isn't involving you. Does the MOH know you're a BM, since the bride never formally asked?
She does know that I'm a BM. And I guess it's difficult for even the MOH to stay in the loop because she's away at school. I just found out that the bride's mom is planning her side of the shower, and her FMIL is planning another one (and just inviting the bride's mom and gma... way to make everyone feel welcome).
I told the MOH in the most recent email, that until I hear otherwise, I can only make plans for the bach. party... I can't request off a bunch of weekends every month with my job, so it's really hard to be involved, and want to be involved without knowing much of anything.
My bff is in a wedding right now that tons of drama is going on. She forwards me emails from the bride (her cousin) with demands of the bridesmaids. Totally bridezilla. My bff is counting down the days until this wedding is over. I mean to the extent of emailing her and telling her what colors, food, decorations, beverages, type of plates to use, games, and what to get her for her own shower my bff was throwing. Oh and she expected her shower to last 5 hours. This is the same girl that when my bff got married she did nothing but show up. Two bridesmaids have threatened to drop out... Its become comical at this point, since the wedding is the 18th, what else can you do but laugh.
At least you get a cute bm dress
Could you get her an etiquette book for the bride? I have seen these!
I was MaOH in my MOH's wedding this summer and I went through things similar to you, she didn't call me to tell me she got engaged, I only found out about it months later when I finally got a hold of her and she asked me to be in her wedding, I was a little hurt but I brushed it off.
I barely heard from her all last year, we finally got "try" on dresses, which was really us getting fitted for a dress that she had already picked out with someone else. Her mom planned her shower, I try to get a hold of her to get info and try to help, nothing. She went dress shopping w/o me, she planned it for days she had off since she was a school teacher. I blamed it on her thinking I was too busy because I was in my SIL wedding the weekend following hers. I would call her and call her and never hear back. I was to the point where I was going to drop out but I sucked it up and went through with it. The whole weekend of the wedding was just a big mess, poor planning, poor vendors, etc. I really felt left out because her sister was her MOH which I would have completely understood and it would have been better if she just asked me to be a BM but whatever.
The day of the wedding was long, we finally get to dinner and I don't even get to sit with JT and we didn't find out about this until the day of and I was so mad, JT has a social anxiety disorder and really hates to be put in situations like this and he blamed me. We ended up leaving early because the food was bad and he was ready to go, he had been put through enough so I told her JT wasn't feeling well, which wasn't a lie, and we left. I've called her several times to check on her or to explain myself, with no phone call returned, this has been since August and I'm over it.
The whole thing has bothered me because I went out of my way to include everyone, make them feel welcome and it just annoyed me how i got treated. Also the following weekend at my SIL's wedding every thing was amazing, all of the girls got a long, I got to go pick out dresses, she called me as soon as she got engaged, I got to sit with JT, all the couples got to sit with their dates.
Some people just need to be slapped. I'm sorry this such a rant but this is a sore spot for me.
Books read in 2011: 111
Books read in 2012: 100
my read shelf:
I totally hear you. I think another sore spot you brought up for me was the day she called to tell me she found her wedding dress. I was literally crushed. I had done everything in my power to include her for my wedding and the whole thing feels like an afterthought to me.
I worry too that I'll have a similar experience, like that of the wedding of your MOH. She's cutting corners and will ultimately end up with crappy vendors.
The other bummer is that a member of my grad school cohort is getting married the same day. I'd love to catch up with her... and the kicker is her wedding will only be 15-20 minutes away... maybe I ditch one and crash another?
I was pretty crushed when she picked out her dress without me. I really should have spoken up more but I don't like confrontation and I blamed bridal brain, but I just think now she's a bad person. All she has ever wanted since I've known her is to get married and her husband is a great guy so I feel sort of bad for him.
I would totally ditch, now I wish I had ditched her wedding and gone to my SIL's B-party but instead I got a lousy dinner and a bad hairdo out of my night. I hate feeling left out, it makes me feel like a 2nd grader all over again.
Books read in 2011: 111
Books read in 2012: 100
my read shelf:
((hugs))