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Help - Sister Won't Speak to Me
Hi everyone. I'm looking for some advice in dealing with my sister. She's 13 months older than me. She's been dating someone for over four years. She's very eager to get engaged, but he's not. Over the years, she's given him many ultimatums - as in "You need to propose to me on my birthday" or "I'm getting married next summer with or without you." She's never followed through and he's never proposed. They've been living together for three years and recently bought a house.
A year ago, I met someone. On our one year anniversary, he proposed. I am SO excited and happy. This is the best time of my life. Except my sister won't speak to me. She won't return my calls, she has unfriended me on Facebook, she ignores my emails. Our extended family is planning a girls' weekend trip in April. She told my mother she won't go if I'm there. She doesn't want to see me.
I know she has a jealous side. When our older brother got married two years ago, she wouldn't go to the bridal shower and left the wedding early. She also didn't go to the baby shower for our sister-in-law. I don't want my sister to hate me. I always dreamed she would be my maid of honor. Now I don't even think she'll come to my wedding. What can I do?
Re: Help - Sister Won't Speak to Me
Don't ask her to be your maid of honor.
You don't have to apologize for getting married, and you should not walk around feeling bad for her that she's not married, nor should you cave on a tantrum. It's clear if you drag her in to your wedding, she'll be a bittch about it, and frankly, it's a stressful enough day without those kinds of antics. Don't expect her to be something she's not; and don't worry about whatever fits she throws.
She sounds like a complete asss. As for the trip? Go, and have a nice time. If she doesn't come, she doesn't come.
Just invite her to the usual things, be polite and friendly if you happen to contact her, don't expect a single thing from her (congratulations, participation in pre-wedding events, attending your wedding) and don't take it personally if she's nasty or ignores you. She sounds like she has a few screws loose.
Not that it's really your problem anyway, but what have your parents done? I'd be smacking the crap out of my daughter if she behaved like this to someone, let alone her siblings.
She doesnt sound like much of a sister if she is acting like that. Glad she isnt my sister.
My sister on the other hand was so happy/excited for me when I called to tell her I got engaged. My engagement came the same week as her split with her husband of many years.
I agree with this totally. And I'm so sorry your sister is acting like this. I could understand her being disappointed, but it's such a shame she went ahead and acted out the way that she did.
if she can't handle it then fine-there's nothing you can do. if she has such a jealousy issue that she can't even manage to go to a bridal shower then her issues are MUCH MUCH larger than you getting engaged. i see EXACTLY why her BF hasn't proposed to her.
do not apologize or feel bad for anything-be happy, go on the trip, enjoy your engagement and ignore her. just because she's your sister doesn't mean you ahve to get along or be friends. clearly she has an issue that she's not able to control. until she can control it keep your distance.
Your sister is so spiteful and vindictive that she's cut you out of her life because something wonderful has happened to you and not to her.
I wouldn't marry her either.
If someone treated me like this, I wouldn't be wondering how to get them back in my life and into my wedding party. I'd be wondering if I was invitng them to the wedding.
And shame on your mother for passing on such nasty gossip. "She won't go, if you go"? The only message your mother should have passed onto you was the one that said that "They didn't want your sister to go because she been treating you and everyone else like crap for so long."
The only consession I woud give your sister is if you left out the part where your FI is a huge asshat and she's unnerved that you have gottten in over your head with a horrible person.
So did you?
This is great advice. FWIW, I've been involved in this same type of behavior w/ a sibling (me on the receiving end) and it doesn't get any easier the more you try to fix things. You shouldn't have to apologize for her not getting her way. Enjoy the next chapter of your life and celebrate with those that WANT to be involved b/c they are truly happy for you and your FI. Congratulations!
Sorry your sister is being a jerk. I hope she'll come around but if past behavior is a predictor of future behavior I don't think she will. Be happy without her. Congrats and happy wedding planning to you!