November 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: TMI Tuesday?
This isn't something to share, but more of a hypothetical question. Some friends and I recently discussed this, as a mutual friend's husband of almost 15 years is transgendered and has decided to start transitioning to female. They are still in love and staying married.
So my question is, if you found out that your H was into something "weird" sexually, would you learn to deal with it? Assuming that it didn't involve something illegal (children, animals, etc).
My little sister (who is bi) was dating a bisexual guy for two years when he told her that he was applying for gender reassignment. He told her he no longer wanted to date her, because he was "the man" in their relationship and he wanted to be a woman. My sister was devastated, she cried a lot and said they could work it out, but he said no. He (she now, I guess) is on hormone treatments and is in pre-surgical therapy -- they're thinking it will probably be sometime in 2012.
I honestly don't know what I would do. I think it would be EXTREMELY difficult to remain married to H if he decided he wanted to be a woman -- while it may sound self-centered and stupid, sex is important to me, as is having children. But not for one minute would I break ties with him. If he wanted to stay married through that, I would give it my best shot. He is my best friend forever, no matter what happens.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Yeah, basically this... If you are not bisexual and your partner changes gender it would have a pretty big impact on the relationship. I don't think I could stay in a sexless marriage, but I also wouldn't break ties over that. If it was something else like transvestism I would try to deal with it. I think it would be hard though.
Hearsay story: A friend of a friend (both guys from a conservative culture) started dating a woman he really liked. Then he found out she was actually a man but was transitioning. He was totally freaked out and asked our mutual friend for advice. He advised him that it's so hard to find the right person why would you be picky over that?
I'm confused how these two points are related. Being transgendered isn't the same as 'being into something 'weird' sexually".
Are you asking what I'd do if H was into something kinky? Or do you want to know what I'd do if H identified himself as a female? These are vastly different scenarios. Quite frankly, I think it's insulting to the transgendered community to assume that identifying as a gender opposite your genetic sex is the equivalent of being 'into something weird sexually'.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
I agree with Steph when she said its two totally different questions/scenarios.
If H were into something a little unusual sex wise, as in some sort of fetish I think I'm pretty open minded and could handle and possibly embrace it as long as it wasnt violent or illegal as mentioned. However, if H said he wanted to become female, I agree with Manda, I'd be devistated, I'd want to support him in his decision because I would want him to be happy, but I dont think I could remain in a relationship with him as I am not "into" females - I would like to think we would remain close friends though.
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I do not believe that being transgendered = being into weird sexual things. I mentioned my friend's situation just to explain how the conversation came about and where the question was coming from. My actual question was in a separate paragraph and didn't mention the word transgendered.
Maybe I could have worded my question differently. I had just been wondering how I would deal if I found H had some kind of fetish that I thought was kind of "out there" and was wondering how other people would deal with that.