Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
In-laws keep giving us money!
Maybe this doesn't seem like something I should be complaining about, but it's something that bothers me. My husband and I are on a bit of a tight budget (I'm working with AmeriCorps, he's not working right now, and we live in Northern Virginia), but we're able to pay our bills/buy gas/even buy optional and fun things sometimes. However, my in-laws don't seem to understand this, and every month or two, we get a check for $100 in the mail from them. I'm grateful for this, don't get me wrong, but I also wish that they would trust us to be able to take care of ourselves. I'm not sure how to deal with this--it doesn't really bother my husband, and I can't exactly ask them not to give us money anymore. Suggestions?
Re: In-laws keep giving us money!
Well it's your in-laws, so if you did anything at all about this, it would have to come from your DH.
My father kept trying to give me money (with strings attached) and I finally told him not to give me any more money or offer to pay my bills because I could pay for my bills on my own. Although there were a number of other issues going on with my father at the time, he stopped trying to give me money or offering to pay my bills once I told him to stop. This has never been an issue again.
I've been in AmeriCorps for 2 years and I know how your budget must be working these days. I only had to support me - not another person - and it can be tough. Unless there are strings attached to it - I'd say go with it! My parents would do similar stuff for me. They tremendously respected what I was doing and knew that it didn't come cheaply for me and would treat me to dinners out, take me shopping, etc just because I gave up some of those creature comfort type things to serve. Often times, I'd open my purse up after a visit and find a fifty sitting on top.
If it makes you uncomfortable though, your DH could just tell them that you guys are doing OK and as sweet as it is for them to want to take care of you, you're on top of it.
Unless there are strings attached, I would graciously accept their gifts. I think you are reading way too much into it (unless the checks come with a note that says "We don't trust you do be able to take care of yourselves, so here's a check"). They know you have a tight budget and it makes them happy to be able to give you a little extra. Don't make it into something it's not.
Unless there are strings attached, I would just smile and say thanks.
I agree, unless there are strings attached, just accept the gifts. It doesn't sound like they don't think you can take care of yourselves, instead they are just trying to help you guys out during a slightly rough time. Besides, $100 every month or two isn't a ton of money.
Of course, if you really don't want to accept the money, just don't cash the checks.
I've been in a similar situtation.
If the gifts are without strings, just be gracious and accept them. They are given out of love for both of you
As others said, if there are no strings, graciously accept the gift. If you don't want to rely on it, stick it in savings!
As parents, they may just simply want to still be a "parent" to their son. it's not saying they don't think he's an adult and capable of taking care of himself. It may simply be that it make them feel good to still be there for their son.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Married to my best friend 6/5/10
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12.