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i'm feeling petty
i just need to vent because i'm feeling petty.
i have 2 younger brothers, 24 and 27. the 27 year old still lives at home partially due to 2 stints with recovery but partially i think because he lives the good life there and doesn't want to give up "his" chair and minimal expenses.
the 24 year old lives on his own but was recently arrested for disorderly conduct because he got in a big ol' fight with his roommate after drinking too much. my parents bailed him out and missed work to go to court with him numerous times and this isn't the first time he's been in trouble with the law.
yesterday, they both left for costa rica with my parents to attend the wedding of my cousin.
now, i know this is dumb but i can't help but feel irritated that two ADULTS are getting taken to costa rica, all expenses paid, by my parents but if we had decided to go, we would have had to pay our own way.
there is just some sort of cosmic injustice with them being able to break laws and run my parents through the emotional ringer and yet they get to go on vacation for FREE.
and then to top it off, i saw that the 27 year old got an iPad the other day? wtf? MOVE OUT. pay for your own sh!t. stop living off our parents.
ug. it just irritates me. i know it shouldn't but it does.
Re: i'm feeling petty
I get the same way about my step-sisters. They are 6, 7 and 10 years older than me (my dad remarried when I was a baby). They have done nothing but make messes of their lives...each have multiple children (at a young age). My stepmom swoops in and buys them groceries, pays their overdue bills, watches their kids, drives them around, gives them gas money...you name it. They don't have money for these necessities, yet they can go to the casino, go to the bars, go on weekend camping trips, etc.
We on the other hand, get nothing. Just because we actually pay our bills, while struggling living paycheck to paycheck. We never go anywhere, or do anything, because we're actually responsible.
It's really frustrating. I complain to my supervisor about it all the time, and she tells me "I know it's hard, but just be proud that you don't NEED their help, and you CAN do and ARE doing it by yourself.". It's a nice though...but....
All I can say is that I totally know what you're feeling because I've been there too, and it sucks. I'm sorry you have to feel this way.
It's awful to feel like you're being punished because you haven't screwed up bad enough to be given extra help or consideration.
Mr. Sammy Dog
I would definitely be bothered too. It would be one thing if they were underage and living at home, but as adults they should pay their own way or your parents should be fair and pay for you guys to go too.
As hard as it is, try to take solace in the fact that YOU are the one living the good life. It is much more rewarding and fulfilling to be able to take care of yourself and your own family vs. being taken care of. Unfortunately by the sounds of it, it sounds like your parents are doing nothing in the form of actual help, more so just enabling their poor behaviors.
My husband's half brother gets enabled to be a loser by his mom and dad and my brother spent YEARS, and is still somewhat, enabled by my mother. It is by no means any kind of help to them. It is a great disservice and a hindrance on their future lives as respectable adults.
It is unfortunate when a generation thinks they need to do better for their children than the generation before only to in turn hinder their children's growth and self sustainability when they become adults. (not saying that this is your parents' case, just an observation on society and was also stated in a book I read)
We're taking Financial Peace University right now and in the Relating with Money lesson my favorite line was something along the lines of "teach your children about money responsibility or they'll come back and live with you."
Also, I don't think you're being petty. You're frustrated, and rightly so. Probably a broad spectrum of other emotions tied in there as well. Try to be proud of yourself and your life and the life you've given your son and the good lessons you're teaching him and that he won't be turning out like your brothers. Hopefully that will help ease your frustrations a little bit.
You are totally entitled to feel how you feel, Strength. I would probably feel the same way and don't see your feelings as petty at all.
Like PP's said, I guess you can be thankful that you don't need the help and are self sufficient.
it just feels like they get rewarded for being morons and i get nothing/punished for taking care of myself. and you wouldn't believe the hunting and fishing things my stepmom buys for them... apparently this is somehow exempt because its a hobby they all participate in together? guns that cost hundreds of dollars? depth finders?
it just makes me realize that no matter what the situation, i will always treat all my kids as evenly as possible, even if some don't need it.
maybe it don't need all those things paid for but then why not maybe surprise me with something extra special for christmas (helllloooo ipad) or something?
i dunno. it just feels so unfair. (and no, life isn't fair)
When my brother and I were young, my parents tried so very hard to treat us equal - financially and otherwise. For example, my mom would have the cost of our Christmas gifts down to within $1 of each other. Seriously.
Then, as we got older, mom decided that "different kids have different needs" to justify giving my brother a lot of extras. I got less because I needed less.
OK, but maybe my brother didn't really need more, he was just willing to take more because it was offered to him. If he wasn't offered so much, maybe he would learn to deal with things on his own.
At some point, maybe your parents will see that they're enablers and change their ways. It's kind of happened with my family. My mom got so fed up with having to bail out my brother after he repeatedly screwed up, and about a year ago, she told him that "The Bank of Mom and Dad" was officially closed. As far as I know, they've stuck to it. But, it took until my brother was over 30 to get to that point.
Now, since my brother can't go to "The Bank of Mom and Dad", he complains to me all the time about being broke. He claims he can't pay his bills, many of which are now in collections ... yet ... since December ... he bought a Wii, a fancy cappuccino machine, a car, he's had 2 new tattoos (well, one new one and one "fix" of an older tattoo that included his ex-wife's name), they go out to eat more nights than they cook at home, they go tanning, they buy new clothes, and so on. That doesn't even include the fact that no matter how dire his financial situation, he will always find money to buy cigarettes. He would rather be homeless with smokes than pay his rent to keep his apartment. I just want to scream "hey! Dude! If you're broke and the debt collectors are calling, maybe you could stop paying money to get cancer - quit the smoking and tanning!"
I still don't know how he managed to get a car loan - must be in his girlfriend's name only.
Mr. Sammy Dog
i think your brother might be my brother. my brother who lives with my parents was telling me a few weeks ago about his personal trainer. i dug in on that one. i was like "must be nice to be able to afford a personal trainer. and then he said, oh, it's one of my friends who IS a personal trainer. we just work out together. um, yeah, he's not YOUR personal trainer buddy... lol...
i know i shouldn't let it bother me and i AM proud of myself but there has ALWAYS been an imbalance. i was never included on family vacations when i was single and living on my own and i just don't get any of the extras my brothers do. petty, but it hurts. it sometimes feels like because i'm not my stepmom's kid, i'm not really part of the family. and it's weird because i even work with my stepmom and we get along amazingly. i tell her i love her every time i see her and she says it back. you'd think with that kind of closeness, we'd all be seen/treated equally... but it's just not the case.
***
Strength - That would bug me too. Even though in theory it shouldn't because we should be proud about being responsible adults, it would be nearly impossible to not be bugged by that at least a little.
Hey, I'm serious. Who wants to live with their parents in their 20s? Ick.