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My sis-in-law drives me crazy!
I just need to vent. My sister in law is two years younger than me, eight years younger than my DH. She was raised as basically an only child because my DH went to college and stayed away from home. My inlaws are very generous, and DH made a point in college to avoid hand-outs and to be self-sufficient meaning buying discount clothes, living in less than nice apartments and purchasing all his trips/toys/food himself.
Somehow my sister in law didn't get that gene. She is always running to the parents for new toys (iPhone the day it came out, iPad the day it came out, new laptops yearly, new clothes every month) and she takes extraordinary trips all on the parents' dime without any regard to how much anything costs.
We have had to move to where the jobs are, and my DH and I both have a steady income and jobs. We work hard, so we can see a movie every once in awhile and go out to lunch with the money we've earned.
She graduates from college this semester, and I didn't want to throw down the $1000 to see her graduate, but my DH said it was important to him, so we did it. I love his parents, and I'm pumped about getting to see them again. I'm just not that thrilled to see his sister.
She has already asked me what I'm getting her for a graduation present, saying she hopes it's something big! Ugh. Please, the plane ticket was enough. We'll probably get her something cute for $50, but that's it! I just can't believe how she assumes everyone has money.
This girl has no idea how the world works, and it is frustrating to watch her ignorance. She majored in photography and expects to land a gig with Tyra Banks any week now. I feel better venting! Whew!
Thoughts? Do you guys have any siblings like this? How do you deal?
Re: My sis-in-law drives me crazy!
I have chosen a gift for her, from you. You're welcome.
http://tinyurl.com/6g4qee
Well, a part of this lies on the parents, though. They indulge her when they could say "no". So sure... she doesn't get the reality of money.
So I'd be side-eyeing your IL's just as much as her. They aren't doing her any favors.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Why do you let her bother you so much? It doesn't sound like she's doing anything to you to piss you off.
You don't have to like all of your in laws, but you do have to respect your H's relationship with them. Play nice for his sake. Just be glad that you live far away and you don't see her very often.
Sounds like you're spending too much time thinking about this SIL IMO. Why aren't you upset with your ILs in the slightest? They seem to have created this monster. Why would you expect SIL to value her money as well as yours if she has no concept of it? Seems like your ILs have enabled this behavior.
Honestly, my family expects a lot of expensive gifts for graduations, birthdays, weddings, etc. and I just don't go along with it. I don't stress about it either because it's not worth my time.
This exactly, your ILs are enablers. Why should she learn anything about money, mommy and daddy have always been there with a handout.
As long as she's not asking you and your husband for money or favors (aside from being rude enough to request a graduation present from you), I don't see why you need to "deal with" this at all.
Yes, it's annoying, but if it's to the point where it's driving you crazy, then you're harping on it too much. her parents were stupid enough to spoil her, and she's manipulative and spoiled enough to take full advantage of it.
Be thankful your husband doesn't act the same way, make it a point not to spoil your kids the same way (if you plan on having children), and then let it go.
Your husband made specific choices when he went to college. Who knows if his parents would have been just as generous with him if he had asked? But he can't hold it against his sister because she asks and they give. Their money, their choice!
Your post implies a lot of feelings of jealousy and anger at the perceived favoritism. Does your DH feel the same way or are they mostly YOUR feelings?
I used to be so jealous of an ex-boyfriend's sister. She was beautiful, got her Ivy League BA and Master's degree completely paid for and got the huge wedding with all the trimmings to her hot, hunky frat boyfriend. Eventually, I realized that I was better off...he became a raging alcoholic, cheated on her and left her in a bad situation with three kids. So all of her material advantages didn't shelter her from emotional disaster. (BTW, I got over my stupidity and she went on to marry a great guy and they have a wonderful blended family.)
So figure out where YOUR anger is coming from.
When she asked if she was going to get a big present, you could have just said "Well, our plane fare is going to have to be our "big present" because our pockets are not that deep!"
All good advice, ladies. I do think it's mostly my inlaws and their enabling behavior, but at some point, she's got to realize that she's taking advantage of their generosity.
My husband sees it, too, but it doesn't bother him. He prides himself on being independent, and I do, too, I just can't stand how she thinks we can spoil her, too! No we cannot, thank you!
I will smile and keep the peace. Perhaps I am a little jealous. I wish that my job could provide me with all the clothes, trips and gadgets that I want! It is only a weekend, thank heavens.
You're IL's created this monster, and now the rest of the world, including you, have to deal with gradzilla here. But that doesn't mean that you can't do it with tongue-in-cheek attitude. With all of the applying she is going to be doing this book might be the best gift you could get her.
My DH is like yours, and my BIL is the same exact way as SIL, in fact right now he and his FI are putting both sets of parents through the ringer for "the most important day" of their tiny little lives. But IL's allow it, so it is going to happen.
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I see your SIL as a "kid" (even if she is only 2 years younger than you are). She still has mom and dad buy her things. That's their choice.
This really doesn't impact you at all. Your ILs seem incredibly generous, and its a choice you and your H made to not take handouts. That's great, very mature, etc...but you can't take it with you. Maybe your ILS would rather spoil their not-yet-graduated-from-college daughter.
Stop letting it bother you. I don't even see it as "enabling" just yet. Going to (and graduating from) school = a responsible choice, even if you don't care for her major.
Mind your own business, and buy her a gift that fits your budget.
I think you're more jealous than anything else.
No, actually, she doesn't. She may never realize that goodies drop from the sky because she is a pretty pretty princess. Don't expect her to change. You will be happier if you don't let them (SIL and MIL and FIL) drive you crazy.
Plus, aren't you just DYING to see what kind of guy she ends up with??!!
It sounds like you are insanely jealous.
Aside from her question about a gift, NOTHING in your complaint about her concerns you. It is 100% normal for parents to still support their child while they are in college. It sounds like your husband could have had the same opportunities she had, but for whatever reason he decided he didn't want them. You can't blame her for that. Additionally, his parents' finances are none of your concern. It sounds like they can afford to give her all this stuff, and enjoy doing so. Unless they come to you begging for money because they are broke from supporting her, then MYOB.
You might be a lot happier with your life if you stopped worrying so much about hers.
I am so dying to see who she ends up with! Each guy she's with can't handle her "youthful" attitude. She's yet to have a real boyfriend. I can't wait for her to find a match!
I'm trying hard to not care or worry about it. I think I will get her that Manners book - and maybe something extra for her camera. Nothing too expensive!
Your SIL sounds like a hoot! I don't know if she picks fights with you and family but if this was the whole part of her antics I would invite her to a party just so my friends and I could laugh at her. I'm not trying to sound bad, but I find your story comically refreshing and calming in an odd way.
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Ditto. They are enabling her behavior by not telling her no.
My sister is like this and my parents definitely enable and encourage it. As everyone else pointed out, the best thing you can do is to not let it get to you.
It's been interesting to see how my sister has been forced to grow up as real life has hit her. I would imagine the OP will get as much enjoyment out of watching her SIL grow up as I have with mine.
You sound like you need to get a life. Why are you so invested in your SIL? She's in college, it's totally normal for her parents to pay for her things. Your dh probably got offered the same deal. Good for him for not taking it up, but it doesn't mean diddly squat.
I also think you are embellishing this for your own agenda. iPhone and iPad the day they came out? Probably not true. And, if it is, who cares?!?! Get over yourself.
I can see you don't like her, but it seems small of you to even begrudge the cost of airfare to see her graduation. She is DH's family, and this is important to him and to the family.
If you really don't like her, don't pretend to be her friend, and don't talk to her socially if you can avoid it (obviously, when you are at her graduation that is a different story, but avoid phone conversations, etc.). Somehow, you are having conversations with her if she is telling you how big she hopes your gift is. Let your H handle the phone conversations! Don't answer the phone when she calls, or hide her FB updates.
What your ILS give her is none of your or your H's business. It was your dh's choice to turn down gifts / money from the ILS. It doesn't make either of you better people to refuse money, then turn around and b*tch because someone else accepted the cash or gifts.
That's a great way to eff up your husband's family. Frankly, it's absolutely none of your business show your SIL and IL's interact. Your husband doesn't care, follow his lead and get your jealousy in check.