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WWYD?
So here's the situation.
So at my Mom's surprise birthday party my Mom and MIL started talking about our anniversary. I knew they were conspiring something.
Fast forward to a week or two ago and my Mom calls me asking if we'll come to the house the day before our actual anniversary so we can get the top of our cake. I said I would think about it and would let her know.
I IMMEDIATELY knew something was up. I talked to DH about it and we really just wanted to be with each other and no one else and didn't want to go home. I told my Mom that if she wants she can come up to our apartment and drop it off but that we can wait until Easter to get it. She sounded a little sad/upset but I shrugged it off. She said she would "talk to Dad about it"
So I found out via DH and my MIL that my Mom was planning a party for us with family etc etc. I did not like this AT ALL and neither did DH. I haven't talked to my mom but my MIL managed to talk her out of it which I am completely grateful to her for doing this.
Of course I'm appreciative that my mom wants to do this, but I have no desire for it at all and now I feel guilty that she is cancelling it. Am I completely selfish that I don't want to celebrate my anniversary with anyone other than my husband? I mean, we got married last year and celebrated last year, isn't that enough? My parents want to take us out to lunch or something and that's fine, but I know she is going to be upset that we don't want to get together the weekend of our anniversary.
My MIL suggested that we pick an alternate date to pick up our cake and have lunch which I am ok with doing. I haven't called my Mom yet because I'm afraid I'm either going to yell or cry. She's sensitive about things like this and I just can't handle it sometimes.
Make me feel better please. Meh. At least it is Friday!
Re: WWYD?
Awww!
While I do understand where your Mom is coming from, and it is a super nice thing to want to do...I'm with you on this one.
The wedding and parties surrounding it was really for our family and friends as much as it was for us...but the celebration of making it to the one year mark, and getting there with a strong, healthy relationship is something that I would want to spend alone with my husband.
It is a good time for you both to reconnect with each other and reaffirm the things about each other that drew you together, and that you fell in love with. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to have this celebration privately. And it seems like a nice compromise to spend time with your parents shortly afterwards. I would think that your Mom will be understanding of that :-))
I'm totally with you on this one! While that was a very sweet gesture, I personally think that an anniversary should be celebrated between the couple. It's a personal day, and you and your husband should choose how to spend it. Unless it's your 50th anniversary, and you felt like having a big party
Don't feel guilty, you have every right to spend the day however you wish...
I agree that doing a lunch date with your mom at another weekend is a good idea. Make sure you have your pictures from the wedding to look over while having lunch to remember what a special day that was not only for you and your husband, but for your mom also.
I am completely with you on this one. I don't want to celebrate my anniversary (esp the 1st) with anyone else besides DH. It's very thoughtful of your mom to offer to throw you a party, but this is not the right time for that.
I like the idea of having lunch with your parents some other weekend.
awww her gesture is SO sweet! i mean...to have your family THAT excited that you've been married a year is amazing in itself. but...i get ya. would it have been possible to compromise and say 'okay we'll swing by but can't stay for more than X amount of time because we have plans?' i mean...i can totally see where you'll want to stay at home together that day, but...it's just cake, you know?
Eh, I'm in the minority on this one. What's a couple hours at a party, especially if your mom and MIL already went through all the trouble to plan it? As long as your weren't expected to stay all night, I don't see the harm in making an appearance for a few hours. I've actually heard of people having a small get together with close family and friends to celebrate the 1 year and to thank them for all the support they received.
Side note: I just glanced at the "connect with these online nesties" thing on the right column of the page and my name is the last one on the list. Weird.
ugh yeah that is a sticky one... but i would agree with you and your MIL... maybe you should go get lunch w/ your rents and maybe even your in-laws one night in celebration of making it to one year, but a party is too much. you aren't selfish - i feel exactly the same way. but if your 'rents/IL's want to be part of the celebration then let them do it in a smaller less crazy way!
good luck w/ that and i agree... i hate that feeling when some one is trying to help but you don't necessarily want it!
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Thanks for the input girls I appreciate it!
Unfortunately, DH and I don't have a car and it's difficult for us to get back to my parents house, we have to take a train and they have to pick us up, so its not really possible for us to just stop by and pick up the cake.
I also don't actually know how far into the planning she got, she may have talked to some people about it but I don't *think* anything was set in stone.
I think I'm just going to call her and tell her it might be best if they come up for lunch on a different weekend. I think she'll be ok with that
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What about picking up your cake the weekend before your anniversary?
I don't think you're being selfish at all. It's your anniversary - your FIRST anniversary to boot, and that's a time we're supposed to celebrate together as a couple. TBH I'm kind of surprised your mom doesn't understand that. It's a nice gesture and all but you may need to explain to her that you want to celebrate just the two of you....or tell a li'l fib and say you already have plans that weekend.
My cousin keeps bugging me about going to CMU that weekend for a fashion show at which her daugher (one of my BM) is modeling a wedding dress. My sister and BIL are giong and normally we'd be fine with it but I have to keep reminding my cousin that's our anniversary weekend and Mike & I want to be alone. BUT, in a different situation, he has a kid....who is supposed to be with us that weekend according to the schedule (not to mention we'll be in FL the weekend before). So if there's any selfishness going on, it's on my end!
I never mind having my SD with us because I enjoy her company and we're pals....but I would like our anniversary to be just him and me so I'm trying to think of a way we could still have her some time that weekend but not when we want to celebrate.