Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is it ok to not be facebook friends with your in-laws?
My hubbies parents are on facebook. I'm on facebook. However, I do not want to be friends with them on facebook. Is that wrong?
Reasons:
His dad likes to post about our religion (we share the same religion/ christian) while saying controversial things about our church (we go to the same church)
I just don't want them prying into my business all the time (his mother can be nosy: as in every single sentence i say in front of her that she couldn't hear, she makes me repeat it so she knows everything i say.
Now i've stuck my ground and not friended them but my hubby says i'm being rude and thinks it's wrong of me..... any input?
p.s. its a light topic, not really a big deal but i'd like to see where other people stand so please be nice!
Re: Is it ok to not be facebook friends with your in-laws?
I'm torn. On one hand, I think it's your business who you add as a friend on Facebook and your husband is being overbearing and intrusive on this. On the other hand, it's about forty kinds of stupid to put things that you don't want the world knowing right there on the internet.
So, I guess my overall answer is for you two kids to get off the damn computers, and also off of my lawn.
The concept that it's "rude" to not friend them is another example (to me) of how FB is made to be way more important than it really is.
You're allowed to have parts of your life that aren't open to your IL's, including FB. If you want to keep it a "friends only" place, that's your right.
However, keep in mind that you can also limit their security access to your page and posts if you want!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have several friends that create a seperate profile for their family/in-laws and their "real" profile uses a nick name that they wouldn't expect family to try to search.
It may save you a lot of trouble in the long run.
I don't mind being friends with any of dh's family (that I speak to), but I don't friend any of them. I let them friend me, that way I don't feel I am encroaching on their privacy.
I have a family member that I am "friends" with (my family, not dh). She is blocked from seeing my wall, although she can send me a message and see my photos. Also, her posts annoy me, so I block her feeds. Every once in a while I look at her page, and I wish her a happy birthday, but that's about it.
If they haven't asked to Friend you yet, then I wouldn't put the request out to them.
Or, are they the ones requesting you, and you've repeatedly denied their requests? Ditto PP who said it's your right to friend people or not, but if you keep denying them then I think that could lead to hurt feelings. I would accept the request, but block their daily feeds if their statements bother you, and set your security settings so that their access to your page is limited.
And of course, don't put anything online that you'd be ashamed to have certain people read (which is just a smart thing to do in general, in-law issues aside). If there's stuff on your FB page that you wouldn't want you in-laws to see, then that's a sign that you should really think twice about what you post or allow your friends to post.
Or like PP said, create a second profile for family members, so that they can see your photos and you can all chat. But the risk there is if they see your original profile and then get offended that they're not part of the VIP list.
Facebook is such a double-edged sword. It causes so much childish, unnecessary drama in people's lives.
I am friends with several of DH's family members, but they all had to find me. Occasionally I wish a family member wasn't my fb friend, but mostly that's my family not his (whole other story). For the most part, his cousins and I keep in contact that way. His mom is on there, but she's pretty harmless (and that's mostly because she doesn't know how to use most of the features on it).
My e-mail address, on the other hand, is a whole other story...
It's fine not to be friends with your in-laws on facebook. You don't even have to be friends with them in real life.
I thought I had my privacy settings adjusted so that my MIL couldn't even find me in a search, but apparently I didn't because she found me anyway and sent me a friend request. I rarely use facebook as it is, and I don't need her $hitting up my wall with her ignorant, juvenile opinions. So I'm not going to friend her, and if she has anything to say about it (which I'm sure she will), I'll just tell her that I prefer not to have family as facebook friends, which is also true.
I wish I could not be facebook friends with my MIL, however to avoid drama I am. Unfortunately because I put her on a "limited profile" it only caused more drama. Everything was fine for a long time (about 6 months) but then she figured out she was on a "limited profile" and got PISSED. So she had my BIL (the one i CANT stand) text my DH to deal with the "situation".
Long story short....even if you accept/friend your in-laws I recommend to not put them on a limited profile because it can eventually make things worse!
This.
Of course it's okay not to friend them, but why incur the drama? Friend them, and immediately block them from seeing anything you post and hide them from your news feed. Easy smeasy. They think you just never post, and you never have to see their crap.
2013 Calendars and More!
If I may add my two cents
I am friends on FB with my FIL. (MIL isn't on FB....yet). Before he 'friended' me, I wasn't all that worried about what I wrote in my status. Not that I was rude or anything, but if I was having a crappy day, I let my FB friends know I was having a crappy day and why. Now that my FIL is a friend, I don't update my status as much. He's the kind of guy that would message me 20 questions about why I was having a bad day and what I was doing about it and how do I think I could fix it. Don't get me wrong, I love my IL's. But I already have a Mother that I don't tell EVERYTHING to because she comes up with answers that only irritate me more than help me solve the problem. (Most of my complaints are about work.) I don't need my FIL doing the same.
I say, if you have a good relationship with them, if they ask you to be friends, do it. But just be prepared to either think twice before you post a status or, depending on what kind of people they are, have 20 questions asked of you.
Me: 40, Husband: 33
After an emergency D&C on Nov 8, 2011, we are giving up hope of ever becoming pregnant.
PAIF/SAIF Welcome
I say it's perfectly fine to not be friends with your ILs.
Personally, my FIL is not on FB and my MIL has a FB but isn't on it ever, but if they were on FB I'd be friends with them. My ILs are great people though. I have no issues with them. I am friends with SIL and H's aunts and a cousin of his. No problems thus far.
Landon & Porter
1-10-07 & 5-11-11
I did exactly this- set my privacy settings so my MIL only sees what I want her to see. I do the same thing with co-workers. I created a group of co-workers and then make rules for my status updates- can be seen by friends; except co-workers (or except MIL).
She mentioned once that she couldn't see anything on my facebook wall and I said "oh yeah, I set my profile to private because I only want to see other people's updates but I don't want to share my own personal info." bull$*&t- I'm on Facebook like every 30 minutes and post status updates once a day. Ha!
I think it's perfectly fine to not be facebook friends with your in-laws. I have a nosy MIL as well and that's exactly why I'm not friends with her on facebook
I did have to explain why to DH, but eventually he understood...sometimes the best way to avoid conflict is to make sure it won't happen in the first place!