Anne of Green Unicorns

I have to share this because it's hilarious if you're familiar with the beginning of Anne of Green Gables. Recently AoGG is one piece of classic literature that some think modern day children will love if only there were no anachronistic references. For example today's children would not find Anne accidentally dying her hair green funny (really! I think they would). So an "author" has reformated it to update the classic novel. Here is a response to that "author" that someone from my Anne board wrote.

Chapter 1: Mrs. Rachel Lynde is Surprised

Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived by the main freeway into and out of Avonlea, and kept an eye on everything that passed. This morning, she saw the reclusive Matthew Cuthbert going past in his Smart Car which emits less greenhouse gases than other vehicles, when he should have been tending to his vegetable farm.

"I'll just step over to Green Gables after a Red Bull and find out from Marilla where he's gone and why," she thought.

Mrs. Rachel pressed the solar-powered door bell.

"Good evening, Rachel," Marilla said briskly. "This is a real fine evening, isn't it? Won't you sit down? How are all your peeps?"

"We're all pretty well," said Mrs. Rachel. "I was kind of afraid you weren't, though, when I saw Matthew starting off today. I thought maybe he was going to the chiropractor's."

"Oh, no, I'm quite well although I had a bad headache yesterday from staring at the computer screen too long," she said. "Matthew went to Bright River. We're getting a new horse from a horse-orphan asylum in Nova Scotia and it's coming on the freight train tonight."

If Marilla had said Matthew had gone to a Justin Bieber concert, Mrs. Rachel could not have been more astonished.

"Are you kidding me, Marilla?" she demanded when voice returned to her.

"What on earth put such a notion into your head?" she demanded disapprovingly.

Mrs. Rachel prided herself on always speaking her mind; she proceeded to speak it now, having adjusted her mental attitude to this amazing piece of news.

"Well, Marilla, I'll just tell you plain that I think you're doing a mighty foolish thing--a risky thing, that's what. You don't know what you're getting. I've heard that particular horse-orphan asylum carries magical animals."

"I don't deny there's something in what you say, Rachel. It seems like the only magical animals left in the world now are in those asylums. I've had some qualms myself. But Matthew was terrible set on it. "

"Well, I hope it will turn out all right," said Mrs. Rachel in a tone that plainly indicated her painful doubts. "Only don't say I didn't warn you if the horse is magical and turns into a dragon and burns down your house."

"Well, we're not getting a dragon," said Marilla, as if setting fires were a purely dragon-like accomplishment and not to be dreaded in the case of a non-magical horse. "I'd never dream of taking a magical animal on the farm. "

"Well, of all things that ever were or will be!" said Mrs. Rachel when she was safely out in the lane where the energy-saving motion detector turned on the lights. "It does really seem as if I must be dreaming. Or maybe I missed my appointment to see my wellness coach. Well, I'm sorry for that poor young one and no mistake. Matthew and Marilla don't know anything about taking care of animals, much less a possible magical animal. I pity it, that's what."

So said Mrs. Rachel to the non-invasive species of rose bushes; but if she could have seen the Unicorn who was waiting patiently at Bright River at that very moment her pity would have been still deeper and more profound.